Fundie FunFest

[Safe_Bet]

So there we were minding our own business taking down the Christmas lights, when up comes a guy in a REALLY ugly polyester suit. I'm holding the ladder for Amy, when he smiles (WAY crooked teeth) and hands me a flyer for this brand new evangelical church. I glanced at the flyer and *snerked* when I saw that they went "straight by the bible" and were very proud of being "inclusive."

I handed the flyer to Amy who, after reading it, asked the guy if "inclusive" meant welcoming gay and lesbian couples. The guy hemmed and hawed for a minute than said "he'd have to check with the pastor" and took off like a shot.

Much to our surprise ( ) he came back with his pastor. When Amy asked him the same question and the conversation went like this:

"To us, 'inclusive' means everyone is welcome under the eyes of god"

"Even married gay and lesbian couples?"

"Gay and lesbian couples CAN'T be married!"

"Why not?"

"It's a sin"

"So sinners aren't welcome if they are gay or lesbian?"

"Of course they are, they just can't be practicing gay and lesbians"

"So a non-practicing gay or lesbian couple would be welcome?"

"Of course, as long as they aren't living together in sin!"

"So a couple of heterosexual lesbians living together, but not having herterosexual sex with each other, would be okay?"

"Most certainly!"

This guy was so freak'in confused by now that Amy finally just smiled and thanked him for his time and the two of them started walking away. Of course, she had to make one last comment and shouted (REAL LOUD so ALL the neighbors could hear) "Good luck on finding all those heterosexual lesbians, dude!"

Muahahahaha! Gawd, that was fun! So to steal Vella's line "we's the debils"

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Hahaha! that's awesome. It could have only been better if you had made out in front of him.

 

[jomar]

Good one. Makes me wonder if straight couples living together in 'sin' would be welcome.

 

[damppanties]

I'm a heterosexual lesbian. Ask Dino, Grace, etc.

 

[oggbashan]

We have "Churches Together" in our town. They work together on social issues and are generally a great force for good in the town but...

1. The Roman Catholics won't formally join but will cooperate on projects.

2. The Jews, Muslims, Sikhs and Hindus don't see themselves as "churches" but will cooperate on projects.

3. The Christian fundamentalists won't join or cooperate because "You're all damned! Damned we say!" - as is anyone who doesn't follow their strict interpretation of the King James Bible as the literal word of God.

4. The Muslim fundamentalists? We don't appear to have any.

5. The agnostics, atheists and Freemasons will help if asked.

6. Even the godless Chamber of Commerce will help and Og is their liaison point with Churches Together.

The most active participants and the most effective helpers?


The Salvation Army.

Og

 

[Stella_Omega]

Good one. Makes me wonder if straight couples living together in 'sin' would be welcome.

She ought to ask him that-- not that she'll ever see him again....

 

[3113]

"Good luck on finding all those heterosexual lesbians, dude!"

Hey, my husband's a heterosexual lesbian, and we're not living in sin. Only problem is he's an atheist so I don't think he'd be interested in the church....

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hey, my husband's a heterosexual lesbian, and we're not living in sin. Only problem is he's an atheist so I don't think he'd be interested in the church....

No, lovie-- you're the heterosexual lesbian. He's a heterosexual heterosexual, more or less...

 

[3113]

No, lovie-- you're the heterosexual lesbian. He's a heterosexual heterosexual, more or less...

Hmmm. No, actually, I think the way it goes is that he's a lesbian and I'm a gay man and we're not heterosexual, but thanks to a fluke of nature making us each the wrong sex on the outside, we can live together heterosexually. Which I think means that we're still living in sin

 

[Safe_Bet]

Hey, my husband's a heterosexual lesbian, and we're not living in sin. Only problem is he's an atheist so I don't think he'd be interested in the church....

No, lovie-- you're the heterosexual lesbian. He's a heterosexual heterosexual, more or less...

Hmmm. No, actually, I think the way it goes is that he's a lesbian and I'm a gay man and we're not heterosexual, but thanks to a fluke of nature making us each the wrong sex on the outside, we can live together heterosexually. Which I think means that we're still living in sin

I SO need you two to talk to that pastor. I bet between the two of ya, you could make his head explode!

 

[TE999]

What the hell kind of a church is that? I mean, letting someone in wearing polyester? That is sooo out.

Crooked teeth...Ew.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

SAFE BET

I'm curious why you engage these people. What do you get out of it?

When they appear at my door I say, NOT INTERESTED and wish them a nice day.

All youve done is reinforce their belief that youre weird. Plus get strokes here from the bearded lady and lobster boy.

 

[3113]

What the hell kind of a church is that? I mean, letting someone in wearing polyester?

Talk about a sin!

 

[TE999]

Talk about a sin!

What is it with these Fundie people and hideous clothing, makeup and hairdos?

Is it like a uniform or something?

Do they think Jesus told 'em to wear that crap?

 

[3113]

Do they think Jesus told 'em to wear that crap?

I believe J.C. implied that the clothes didn't matter, which might account for it. That and not including gay clothing designers in your church.

 

[Safe_Bet]

I believe J.C. implied that the clothes didn't matter, which might account for it. That and not including gay clothing designers in your church.

JC had nothing to do with it. Polyester is satanic!

Besides, I could SO see this guy wearing one of my father's old double knit suits!

 

[Elianna]

Hey. I come from a fundie family. When I finally "lived in sin" with my boyfriend, I was given "church discipline" and effectively excommunicated. They're still shocked I never came back begging for their acceptance.

Funny how the whole "remove the plank from your own eye before you try to remove the splinter from your brother's eye" (somewhere in Matthew I think... I'd have to dig out my Bible and look it up) analogy seems to be lost on fundamentalists. And it's from their own Bible no less!

 

[TE999]

JC had nothing to do with it. Polyester is satanic!

Besides, I could SO see this guy wearing one of my father's old double knit suits!

Now that I reflect on it, outdated clothing and outdated thinking are a symbolically significant pairing. The past was better, therefore I shall live there.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

TE999

Humans have used the last 600 million years to sort shit out, and there's damned little that's new or untested by practical experience.

 

[Boota]

We have "Churches Together" in our town. They work together on social issues and are generally a great force for good in the town but...

1. The Roman Catholics won't formally join but will cooperate on projects.

2. The Jews, Muslims, Sikhs and Hindus don't see themselves as "churches" but will cooperate on projects.

3. The Christian fundamentalists won't join or cooperate because "You're all damned! Damned we say!" - as is anyone who doesn't follow their strict interpretation of the King James Bible as the literal word of God.

4. The Muslim fundamentalists? We don't appear to have any.

5. The agnostics, atheists and Freemasons will help if asked.

6. Even the godless Chamber of Commerce will help and Og is their liaison point with Churches Together.

The most active participants and the most effective helpers?


The Salvation Army.

Og

Og, strangely enough, as an atheist working for the Salvation Army, I do more of "God's work" than just about any of the Christians in my little part of the world. LOL. We have some palatial churches here in town who feel that they do the same level of work as the Salvation Army because once a year they donate their broken computers to us. It's really sickening to see multi-million dollar churches erected while the few churches in town who do all the heavy lifting are almost falling down in disrepair. With the Salvation Army, I can speak of from direct experience, all the money goes where we say it's going, so as an organization we do without a lot.

At least I have kick ass health insurance.

 

[trysail]

Christianity ( and take your pick of: Judaism, Muhammadism, LDS, Scientology, etc.):

"The greatest religion never practiced."

 

[Safe_Bet]

Og, strangely enough, as an atheist working for the Salvation Army, I do more of "God's work" than just about any of the Christians in my little part of the world. LOL. We have some palatial churches here in town who feel that they do the same level of work as the Salvation Army because once a year they donate their broken computers to us. It's really sickening to see multi-million dollar churches erected while the few churches in town who do all the heavy lifting are almost falling down in disrepair. With the Salvation Army, I can speak of from direct experience, all the money goes where we say it's going, so as an organization we do without a lot.

At least I have kick ass health insurance.

Thanks for that Boota.

Thanks also for pointing out that there ARE some good churches who aren't a bunch of money grubbing, homophobic asswipes. I've got no personal use for ANY organized religion, but SOME of them do perform good works and, as long as they stay out of my sex personal life, I hope they continue to do so.

 

[oggbashan]

Og, strangely enough, as an atheist working for the Salvation Army, I do more of "God's work" than just about any of the Christians in my little part of the world. LOL. We have some palatial churches here in town who feel that they do the same level of work as the Salvation Army because once a year they donate their broken computers to us. It's really sickening to see multi-million dollar churches erected while the few churches in town who do all the heavy lifting are almost falling down in disrepair. With the Salvation Army, I can speak of from direct experience, all the money goes where we say it's going, so as an organization we do without a lot.

At least I have kick ass health insurance.

One of our local organisations accepts any old, broken or replaced computer equipment and, once renovated, sends the low specification computers to schools in rural Africa, loaded with educational and office software.

The more modern equipment they make available to local charitable organisations - free, with free on-site service back up. The Salvation Army has a couple of their computers with laser printers.

All the work of collecting, repairing, servicing and on-site back up is carried out by volunteers. Some of the businesses in the town wish they had such a reliable computer company.

Which organisation is it?

Our local ZOO!

Og