Fundamental differences between male and female submissives

[MissTaken]

Well, other than the obvious anatomical differences of which I have heard so much about!




I have recently been making friends with male subs. IT is interesting that our reparter seems to lead to me being assertive in my funny little way.

Also, that they clearly seek different things out of BDSM than I do.

So, bring on the disucussion that some of you started in another thread!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Well, other than the obvious anatomical differences of which I have heard so much about!




I have recently been making friends with male subs. IT is interesting that our reparter seems to lead to me being assertive in my funny little way.

Also, that they clearly seek different things out of BDSM than I do.

So, bring on the disucussion that some of you started in another thread!

One thing I have noticed is that when we are discussing obedience, it is the femsubs who tend to question the motives of their Dom/mes.

The only questioning I get is asking for clarification so that a mistake is not made. After that, there is only obedience.

Eb

 

[MissTaken]

My male friends seem eager to obey whatever whim or fancy their Domme has for them.

I think women do tend to want to question their Doms, have the occasional tantrum or whatever.

Maybe it is a girl thing?

When I was working with Juvenile Delinquents, my supervisor expressly assigned me only the teen age boy cases. Why? Becasue I hated the whining and manipulation of the girls. Teenage boys are very direct in their feelings and can get beyond it. Girls , well, geesh....they really try my patience!


No, let's not let this turn into a gender bashing thread. My tale is just to demonstrate a bit of understanding for EB's statement.

 

[Ebonyfire]

No, let's not let this turn into a gender bashing thread. My tale is just to demonstrate a bit of understanding for EB's statement.

I am not bashing, all you have to do is count the posts about disobedience. Who has the highest post counts? Granted there are more femsubs than malesubs posting here, bt you could make allowances for that.

I think that males know that most Dommes will just get rid of them cause there are lots of male subs who are looking for a Domme, so if they are disobedient, they will be shown the door.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Sex

The majority of subs I talk to do not expect sexual intercourse as part of the relationship. They also enjoy non-erotic service.

Eb

 

[MissTaken]

I wasn't targetting that comment toward you, Ebony.

IT was a general statement for others looking in.



I think that women as a rule require more attention from their SO than men.

And women sometimes fail to simply say, give me some attention, they may resort to histrionics, manipulation etc.

In a D/s relationship, this can be very destructive.

And post totals?

Hmmmmm *blushing*

But ya know I am a forum slut.

 

[cellis]

I think too that it depends on the relationship...

I don't have one where disobediance is much tolerated. If Himself gives me an directive I am expected to write it down if i cannot remember it. But I am expected to comply completely or there are consequences.

Besides... I want to do what He says... I want to please Him... to me that is what this is about for me or at least in part it is.

Once a relationship and its boundaries have been negotiated, why would one want to question or disobey... behavior like that makes me question that person's submissiveness and sincerity.

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Re: Fundamental differences between male and female submissives

One thing I have noticed is that when we are discussing obedience, it is the femsubs who tend to question the motives of their Dom/mes.

The only questioning I get is asking for clarification so that a mistake is not made. After that, there is only obedience.

Eb

I agree, just one small point.

I think this (questioning motives) does happen during discussion here, but it may not actually happen when the fem sub and her Dom/me interact. sub fems or women in general may have more of a need to come here and analyze, express their feelings and share some sort of counsel than the average submissive man or male.

 

[plzur her]

Re: Sex

The majority of subs I talk to do not expect sexual intercourse as part of the relationship. They also enjoy non-erotic service.

Eb

Interesting thread.. My experiences in D/s have been only with partners into the lifestyle more for sexual eroticsm. I am not one nor have spent much time with those into the non erotic side. Not that it is wrong, we all have our needs and expectations in the scene, and consequently look for a Dom(me) with similar desires. As far as with the F Subs I have been with, they have seemed to be looking for the ultimate maximum delayed orgasm.. prolonging and making them wait and nearly begging for the ultimate treat for their obedience.... When I have participated as the sub (which is more than 80% of the time) , my greatest satisfaction is the anticipation and teasing of me sexually by the Domme.. and waiting and hoping to be able to achieve orgasm.. then the long delay hopefully ends up (often does) in incredibly powerfull orgasms that I could not experience in straight vanilla sex.... We all have our different desires from being a sub..
Hopefully we all find it with the right Dom(me)!

 

[Cirrus]

I am a femsub, but I know a few male subs personally. It seems that the females enjoy humiliation less, while the males enjoy it more. There are of course exceptions to the "rule" and varying degrees of it, but that seems to be the general feeling...that men are more willing to be humiliated and to enjoy it.

 

[cellis]

I am a femsub, but I know a few male subs personally. It seems that the females enjoy humiliation less, while the males enjoy it more. There are of course exceptions to the "rule" and varying degrees of it, but that seems to be the general feeling...that men are more willing to be humiliated and to enjoy it.

I know both male and female subs... and the humiliation factor seems to run about half and half... I don't think that male subs are more willing to be humiliated... I think their humiliation tends to be more in a public venue and also has to do with the societal perception of males in general....

 

[Goddess Helena]

Re: Re: Fundamental differences between male and female submissives

<snip>
The only questioning I get is asking for clarification so that a mistake is not made. After that, there is only obedience.

Eb

I agree with Ebony on this.
Whether it is sexual service or non-sexual, male subs have been more eager to please and more likely to follow direction in my experience.


Helena

 

[WriterDom]

I think that males know that most Dommes will just get rid of them cause there are lots of male subs who are looking for a Domme, so if they are disobedient, they will be shown the door.

Eb

Yep. Dommes might have just as hard of time finding what they want. But there is aways a line outside their door.

 

[Bijoux]

So I know alot of male subs in my area (we seem to have a surfeit of subs) and I can honestly say they seem more GENUINELY subservient to me. Please no one get pissy...I am after all a femsub so I'm ragging myself here too.

While I may do something to please my master in hopes of praise or reward, a male sub friend of mine, serves TO serve. He enjoys every little thing no matter what in its entirety. I assumed for along time this was just his personality, but now meeting more male and fem subs in the area I think maybe it could be a trend. I know we all STRIVE to be happy with just submission, but I know I personally and several of the women I have spoken to, feel let down if there is not resulting attention or praise/sexual gratification in return for the job well done.

So, yeah, theres my bit on that

~
B

 

[Ebonyfire]

Please no one get pissy...I am after all a femsub so I'm ragging myself here too.

No rag intended I think, Bijoux. Male subs seem to enjoy the act of serving just for it's sake. It is not that they do not expect anything in return, they just know that whatever they get will be at the discretion of their Mistress, at her whim. That excites them also. The fact that they have no control over when or even if they will get their need(s) satisfied today or tomorrow. The uncertainty is erotic to them.

While I may do something to please my master in hopes of praise or reward, a male sub friend of mine, serves TO serve. He enjoys every little thing no matter what in its entirety.

I call it the act of being "of service".

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have to agree with you

I am a femsub, but I know a few male subs personally. It seems that the females enjoy humiliation less, while the males enjoy it more. There are of course exceptions to the "rule" and varying degrees of it, but that seems to be the general feeling...that men are more willing to be humiliated and to enjoy it.

Thanks Cirrus for bringing up another point I have to make.

The male subs I deal with do enjoy a high degree of humiliation and degradation. I enjoy dishing out a high degree of humiliation and degradation,peppered with a lot of judicious discipline just for the hell of it.

Eb

 

[deliciea]

As a female sub\slave to serve and please a Master is one of the biggest hopes. But I thinks that female subs have a need to know that they make someone happy that they please their Dom\Me and that in turn will please them maybe when females whine and throw tantrums it is a hormone thing then again maybe it is just the need to feel the power that their Master\Mistress has over them when they do such and end up over a knee or strapped down to take the punishment that their actions have caused. Not knowing many male subs cant give any insight other than maybe it is a need that they have in
Regular life. I don't know any males in general that whine but she knows lots of females and hates it when she sees a female whine and pout because she has not gotten her way but back to the life of this sub not saying that she does not pout when the timing is right or the mood make way for it but to do it just because you can is not good as a sub needs a Master that has a strong had because she expects more out of herself than the temper tantrum side.

 

[P. B. Walker]

...<snip>... But girl thinks that female subs have a need to ...<snip>... Not knowing many male subs girl can’t give any insight ...<snip>... Girl does not know many males in general that whine but she knows lots of females and hates it when she sees a female whine and pout because she has not gotten her way ...<snip>...

Why do you refer to yourself as "girl" in the third person?

Just wondering. Makes it very hard to understand what you are saying, IMHO.

PBW

 

[deliciea]

sory P.B. just used to refering to my self as third person will try to remember not to do so when I am posting did not realize it was so hard to understand

 

[MissTaken]

sory P.B. just used to refering to my self as third person will try to remember not to do so when I am posting did not realize it was so hard to understand

deliciea?

Welcome aboard.

We don't stand on formality, everyone has a voice here and is repected based on who they are and what they offer, rather than their submission or Dominance.

No need for third person, Sir's or Ma'am's unless you are PBW begging EB for a bit of strap on action!

 

[lark sparrow]

Just throwing this out, and does not necessarily believe it... one of those quick, random thoughts.

Are men are more prone to wish to "lose" themselves in their submission, and women more prone to wish to "find" themselves in their submission. What do you think?

Would this play into a male's obedience and unquestioning attitude? Would it make women more prone to question at every turn? Does it play into the possible higher desire for degradation in males, and less in females? Do you think it is has to with social conditioning/standing or rank?

This is very much a stereotype, and the times are changing, but let's play it out a moment anyways - men are already coming from a position of authority, power and wish to lose it... women may be coming from a less powerful position socially or financially and wish to find their strength and power through being prized and cherished, perhaps even being a princess? Men in turn wishing to be nothing but a servant of sorts?

Obviously this would not be true for every male, and every female... but looking at "fundamental differences" and their possible cause.... is it worth consideration?

 

[lark sparrow]

sory P.B. just used to refering to my self as third person will try to remember not to do so when I am posting did not realize it was so hard to understand

I'm required to speak in third person when online with with the Domme I belong to, deliciea... so I understand. The switching back and forth without mistakes either way can be challenging.

 

[MissTaken]

Thought provoking, lark sparrow

I believe that there is a lot of pressure on women from society as well as by situation to be successful, to work, juggle home, kids and career.

Many women these days, and many who are submissive are actually in a position to make decisions and be in control a larger part of the day than some men.

I think some women, only some, enjoy submission, enjoy having permission to return to a traditional role as a lady, a princess, a servant.

In many instances, women need to be veritable power houses in their daily lives.

I, for one, find peace in submission as it removes me from the role of financial manager, mother, career woman, etc.

I can just be a woman and enjoy my femininity.

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Thought provoking, lark sparrow

I believe that there is a lot of pressure on women from society as well as by situation to be successful, to work, juggle home, kids and career.

Many women these days, and many who are submissive are actually in a position to make decisions and be in control a larger part of the day than some men.

I think some women, only some, enjoy submission, enjoy having permission to return to a traditional role as a lady, a princess, a servant.

In many instances, women need to be veritable power houses in their daily lives.

I, for one, find peace in submission as it removes me from the role of financial manager, mother, career woman, etc.

I can just be a woman and enjoy my femininity.

Yes, the above thought is definitely not going to work for everyone or even anyone as a strict rule without deviations.

Just a random thought for consideration as I hadn't seen many possible theories on why these differences occur, only that women are possibly less obedient and more prone to temper tantrums. Interesting topic though.

As a lesbian, my social standing and understanding is different than both male or female heterosexuals, so, I don't have much invested either way. Just a thought I had. And of course beyond that we are all going to be individualistic, male or female, even within fundamental differences.

PS also wonders, since this conversation is primarily being had by women.... do you consider yourselves exceptions to these general rules??

 

[WriterDom]

Could society already impose shame on submissive men that is internalized and they seek more shame and humilation to deal with it?

When the simple truth could be that Dom/mes like to direct and subs like to act? And switches like both?