Fun under plaid feedback...

[Guest]

I am the author, and since I did not opt to post my real email address, I was wondering if any of you think I should write more stories in the school-girl genre. Or if you have criticism of my first story, I would be appreciative of any comments. Thank you.

 

[Mike Tauron]

Just read your story and it works pretty well. The writing is quite good, and the only criticism I'd have is that it's a bit rushed - it could have been drawn out a little more for effect; making the audience wait just long enough is difficult to judge at first, but it's more satisfying if things don't come to a resolution too quickly [sort of like the classic striptease routine as oppossed to the modern porno movie].
The schoolgirl element is good, and it's interesting to note that in your story the girl is the initiator - it's become something of a cliche in Internet erotica for the innocent girl to be coerced into sex or even raped. Why not reverse things, as you did in this story.
Do you have any ideas for continuing the story with these two characters? One way would be to vary the location and perhaps have them flirt with danger by doing it in a semi-public place. Think about it, anyway.


Good luck with your future fiction.

 

[Guest]

Aside from what was said above, you seem to get character names a little mixed up. Reread and correct if you want. Good potental but now drawn out as much as it could have been.

 

[Guest]

Thanks to Mike and AReader. I'm going to go ahead with a series on these characters and try to draw it out like you suggested. I do prefer female intitiating stories, with shy male characters.. (as that is my life.) And AReader.. hehe, yes my friend pointed the name inconguiety to me after I had posted. I was too drunk to think clearly when I wrote the story, and didn't proof it a bit. You can guess 'Brit' is the name of the girl upon whom this (and subsequent

episodes were based. Global replace missed the diminutives. I'll try to be sober this time.