frustration

[MisterSir]

*Snort*

Not that I'm accusing the kettle of being particularly dark, I'm just offensive.

 

[BiBunny]

Not that I'm accusing the kettle of being particularly dark, I'm just offensive.

Me, too. And bitchy. Not that I care.

 

[rainbowgirl1028]

both concerns are equal and should be treated as such. discussing them would help ease both the frustrations and tention that are stemming from the situation as a whole.

 

[midwestyankee]

Chances are, this problem isn't about sex at all. But you'll never know if you don't sit down and do a whole lot of communication.

 

[MisterSir]

Me, too. And bitchy. Not that I care.

Damn straight. High five for being hateful?

 

[BiBunny]

Damn straight. High five for being hateful?

Of course. *High five*

 

[MisterSir]

Misanthropy five!

 

[Keroin]

Went off birth control end of January to start trying to get pregnant and WOW my sex drive is way heightened. PYL and I would be lucky to have done it once a month for the 2 previous years. Now I'm horny most of the time and for about 2 weeks of every month could use sex at least once daily if not twice.

I think this is an important point. Her sex drive was “X” on birth control and now it is “Y” without birth control. I think it is ludicrous to blame this man for being suddenly expected to adapt to what are obviously drastic hormonal changes taking place in his partner’s body. She has rapidly shifted gears and he is just supposed to keep up?

Combine that with the overwork/stress/body issues/baby pressures and I’m surprised he still wants sex at all.

Communication and a lot more empathy on the part of OP, seem to be in order.

 

[nh23]

I'm not looking to chat so need to any private messages.
Just want to rant and get rid of some of my frustration. Not really BDSM related but I don't need all the BS of the general board.

Went off birth control end of January to start trying to get pregnant and WOW my sex drive is way heightened. PYL and I would be lucky to have done it once a month for the 2 previous years. Now I'm horny most of the time and for about 2 weeks of every month could use sex at least once daily if not twice. I told PYL this (and maybe I wasn't clear enough, he's a guy). When I'm horniest I drive by guys on my way to work and think "I'd like to follow him and fuck". I don't ever plan on doing this but I can totally see how easily it could happen for some. If some of my ex's were nearby and asked to meet there's no way I could cause I don't think I would have the self restraint. PYL is overworked and is not happy about his body at the moment so very rarely initiates sex and turns me down often. He states he likes sex with me and says he wants a kid but i can't figure out why things suck so much. Tonight about 8:30 I asked if he wanted sex and he said no he was going to bed soon (bed is usually 10pm). He even asked when I thought I would be ovulating and i said "any day, including today". I got nothing. What the hell is wrong??? Says he likes sex and wants a baby. Here I am offering and telling him i maybe ovulating and all I get is "i'm going to bed soon". WTF!!!??? All I want is a good fuck---doesn't even have to be a marathon.

Thanks all for letting me rant for a bit. Afterall, it's not something I'm just wanting to blog about on facebook/myspace where family can see.

PYL so I'm assuming he's your Dom or Master? In our house the simple explanation for this would be "I don't want sex bitch, end of story' (I have a nympho problem, I have struggled with this myself, although not so much out loud.)

As pyl's it's not all about us. It's about keeping them happy. If this is not a PYL/pyl relationship strike that.

I also agree that it's not about sex. Sometime else is bothering him.

 

[curvacious]

Let's turn this around for a second. Imagine that you're the one who's feeling overworked, overstressed, struggling to find the motivation for exercise or preparation of healthy meals, embarrassed about the changes in your body and just plain exhausted all the time...... and your husband's spending his days bitchin' about not getting enough sex, and drooling over random tail on the street. How would you feel about that?

WTF indeed.

Back to the situation, as presented - instead of making this all about you and your unsatisfied horniness, perhaps it would help to focus on your husband, and the source of his stress and exhaustion. Is there anything you can do to take over some of his responsibilities, cut expenses to enable a reduction in hours worked, shop for healthy but delicious food to improve his diet, set aside time for exercise that's fun rather than tedious, and so on?

Thanks all for the replies. To clarify a few things: He was the one wanting a child way before me. In fact I've not wanted a child since my first boyfriend which ended in 1995. I'm pretty frugal as it is. I run around the house turn off lights he's left on, tun up the ac in summer and the heat down in winter (ie 78-85 in the summer and 58-64 in the winter), shop @ the used store for lots of items, buy generics or at the bulk bins at the grocery store, I've been buying more healthy food lately (almost a year but PYL often forgets leftovers for lunch and ends up eating out), offer to go on walks (and get turned down), offer to join gym (and get turned down). I know there are a few things I could do to help him out and i'm working on it. I do totally agree that we need to have better communication. While he is my PYL we're not living the lifestyle 24/7. It's basically a bedroom thing for us. Just very confusing since he's wanted a child for a long time, states he loves having sex with me (ie "I love cuming in you" was said a few times last time) but doesn't initiate. If we're out and he likes my outfit he might say so or have me walk infront of him (butt man) but often by the time we're home that thought seems to have left his mind.


I appreciate everyone's response. I like hearing all the different thoughts on this and of course it reinforces the knowledge that we need to continually work on our communication.
Thanks

 

[Desiree_sub]

............

 

[subwannabe]

Right now I have to agree with everyone who said that maybe his problem is that he is being used for baby making purposes and thats it. Do we even know how much he wants the baby, or is this mainly her idea? Maybe she could feel their relationship was turning south and decided the way to solve everything was to have a baby and now he's avoiding her like she has the plague. I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe there is a whole lot more going on here than meets the eye. I strongly disagree with those that feel he should be more than happy to be used for baby making purposes. I think if the tables were turned it would be revolting if the man was using the woman for baby making purposes and didn't really give a shit about anything else other than to make little Johnny.