Frustration...argh!

Kailey_86

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 30, 2006
Posts
660
Ok...so this is a bit of a rant. Just trying to loosen up i guess.

i have been feeling very frustrated lately. i don't have a job and i am desperately searching for one. This is stressful for me especially because i am having to borrow money from people and i hate doing that. my focus is on my unemployment at the moment. Because of this and the stress of it all, i am not being the best submissive that i can be. i am not remembering things that i should, i am begging Him to withdraw commands, and i am not doing things to the best of my ability. Still, J is happy with me. He is happy with my submission. i am not happy with my submission though. i am frustrated by the job thing and frustrated with myself for not being the submissive that i want to be, that i should be. Argh! *pulling hair out* The thing is, i am putting unneccessary stress on myself worrying about not being a better submissive when J is perfectly content with the way i am. *sigh* Anyhoo....thanks for "listening" guys.
 
Kailey_86 said:
Ok...so this is a bit of a rant. Just trying to loosen up i guess.

i have been feeling very frustrated lately. i don't have a job and i am desperately searching for one. This is stressful for me especially because i am having to borrow money from people and i hate doing that. my focus is on my unemployment at the moment. Because of this and the stress of it all, i am not being the best submissive that i can be. i am not remembering things that i should, i am begging Him to withdraw commands, and i am not doing things to the best of my ability. Still, J is happy with me. He is happy with my submission. i am not happy with my submission though. i am frustrated by the job thing and frustrated with myself for not being the submissive that i want to be, that i should be. Argh! *pulling hair out* The thing is, i am putting unneccessary stress on myself worrying about not being a better submissive when J is perfectly content with the way i am. *sigh* Anyhoo....thanks for "listening" guys.

sweetie, i know that you already know this, but if He is happy with you, and He understands then stop beating yourself up over it. i do this also. i get stressed out with my kids, or with my job ( i mean lack there of) situation and i too am not as 'submissive' as i should be. when He was here visiting last time, i sucked as a submissive. i really really did. i questioned Him all of the time, i refused orders, i was Sammy, that is NOT me.

i frusterated Him to the point that He thought He had done something wrong and what i wanted was for Him to take control of me and i guess 'make me' submit. well, obviously that didn't work and it just left us both frustrated. i'm not sure what i'm trying to say here really, except communicate with Him, tell Him how you're feeling, and it sounds like you already have and that he's happy with you that's all that matters. i didn't communicate with Master and that's what has caused alot of problems in our relationship. He says we don't feel as 'close' as we once did, that scares that crap out of me. and this is the second time i've done this to us. wow i guess i'm venting myself on your thread and it's better to do that in my journal...*smiles*

if He knows you are doing your best, and that there are other stressers out there that are making you not 'submit to the best of your ability' as you put it, then all is well, and by beating yourself up over it, you are doing a dis-service to Him. did that make any sense at all???
 
lil_slave_rose said:
sweetie, i know that you already know this, but if He is happy with you, and He understands then stop beating yourself up over it. i do this also. i get stressed out with my kids, or with my job ( i mean lack there of) situation and i too am not as 'submissive' as i should be. when He was here visiting last time, i sucked as a submissive. i really really did. i questioned Him all of the time, i refused orders, i was Sammy, that is NOT me.

i frusterated Him to the point that He thought He had done something wrong and what i wanted was for Him to take control of me and i guess 'make me' submit. well, obviously that didn't work and it just left us both frustrated. i'm not sure what i'm trying to say here really, except communicate with Him, tell Him how you're feeling, and it sounds like you already have and that he's happy with you that's all that matters. i didn't communicate with Master and that's what has caused alot of problems in our relationship. He says we don't feel as 'close' as we once did, that scares that crap out of me. and this is the second time i've done this to us. wow i guess i'm venting myself on your thread and it's better to do that in my journal...*smiles*

if He knows you are doing your best, and that there are other stressers out there that are making you not 'submit to the best of your ability' as you put it, then all is well, and by beating yourself up over it, you are doing a dis-service to Him. did that make any sense at all???
Yes, that makes perfect sense. You can vent too. No problem with that.

He reads my posts. i am probably driving Him crazy with all of this. i have spoken to Him about it several times now. i just can't seem to shake these bad feelings. Him and i have so much fun when get together though. i make Him smile. He makes me smile. Things are going well. i need to remember this when i am feeling down. i need to remember that if He is happy, i am too. The problem is that sometimes i forget that He is happy with me. :rolleyes:
 
Kailey_86 said:
Yes, that makes perfect sense. You can vent too. No problem with that.

He reads my posts. i am probably driving Him crazy with all of this. i have spoken to Him about it several times now. i just can't seem to shake these bad feelings. Him and i have so much fun when get together though. i make Him smile. He makes me smile. Things are going well. i need to remember this when i am feeling down. i need to remember that if He is happy, i am too. The problem is that sometimes i forget that He is happy with me. :rolleyes:

i know what you mean, i really do. i just posted on my journal pretty much exactly that. i feel like i am constantly letting Him down. He is ready to move onto the next step, which is moving here, but i'm not ready for that yet so i'm frustrating Him. we've been together for 3 years. but we've only met twice, my kids have only met Him twice, actually only one of my kids have met Him twice, the other two only met Him the first time. it's not about having doubts about Him and i, more about my family's reaction and the effect on my kids *sighs* i just don't know, sometimes i feel like i dont' deserve Him. i swear. He is so patient and so understanding that it's unreal. He nor i, can afford for Him to just keep 'visiting'. He lives over 2000 miles away so it costs quite a bit for Him to come here and stay a week, not to mention Him getting time off work.

*grumbles* my depression has been haunting me again and it's showing in these posts. i'm off my meds, because i can't afford them and it's messing with my head. i feel like a failure constantly and i'm trying to fight these feelings and thoughts but they are winning. i'm just having a really really hard time right now. found a job only to find out it was a BS job that would take me nowhere, so i'm back at square one. oh well, life goes on i suppose. i don't think you have anything to worry about, sounds like J understands and is happy with you, so just keep that in mind at all times *smiles* guess i should listen to my own advice, huh?
 
lil_slave_rose said:
i know what you mean, i really do. i just posted on my journal pretty much exactly that. i feel like i am constantly letting Him down. He is ready to move onto the next step, which is moving here, but i'm not ready for that yet so i'm frustrating Him. we've been together for 3 years. but we've only met twice, my kids have only met Him twice, actually only one of my kids have met Him twice, the other two only met Him the first time. it's not about having doubts about Him and i, more about my family's reaction and the effect on my kids *sighs* i just don't know, sometimes i feel like i dont' deserve Him. i swear. He is so patient and so understanding that it's unreal. He nor i, can afford for Him to just keep 'visiting'. He lives over 2000 miles away so it costs quite a bit for Him to come here and stay a week, not to mention Him getting time off work.

*grumbles* my depression has been haunting me again and it's showing in these posts. i'm off my meds, because i can't afford them and it's messing with my head. i feel like a failure constantly and i'm trying to fight these feelings and thoughts but they are winning. i'm just having a really really hard time right now. found a job only to find out it was a BS job that would take me nowhere, so i'm back at square one. oh well, life goes on i suppose. i don't think you have anything to worry about, sounds like J understands and is happy with you, so just keep that in mind at all times *smiles* guess i should listen to my own advice, huh?
You said that you are off your meds which is causing you to be depressed. This is probably magnifying your worries about having a new person come into the family as well. It seems like you and Him are a great couple though and a strong couple. You will be able to pull through all of this. i know that He has voiced His own concerns about the move. i think that if You both really want this, staying positive is the best thing you can do. i hope everything works out for you and Him and i hope you are able to find a better job. **HUG**
 
Kailey_86 said:
You said that you are off your meds which is causing you to be depressed. This is probably magnifying your worries about having a new person come into the family as well. It seems like you and Him are a great couple though and a strong couple. You will be able to pull through all of this. i know that He has voiced His own concerns about the move. i think that if You both really want this, staying positive is the best thing you can do. i hope everything works out for you and Him and i hope you are able to find a better job. **HUG**

*smiles* we have been through alot and i know we'll get through all of this i know that we will. thanks for the hug..i really needed it ;)
 
Back
Top