Frustrated

[SecretPoster]

Editing because I lied.
I lied about my wife, and now I've lost the one thing I truly loved.

Thanks for reading

 

[heartoftexasgrl]

Five or six times a day? Seriously? Who has that kind of time? Even if you're only talking about quick, 20 minute sessions, that's still two hours a day. . . Assuming at least one of you is employed, and add a couple kids to the mix, and I can't even imagine.

 

[Eilan]

Five or six times a day? Seriously? Who has that kind of time? Even if you're only talking about quick, 20 minute sessions, that's still two hours a day. . . Assuming at least one of you is employed, and add a couple kids to the mix, and I can't even imagine.

Yeah, really. You'd have to figure that the sex would get less frequent than 5-6 times a day at some point. I'd take quality over quantity any day.

Coming on Lit and finding a "friend" won't make dealing with the issues in your marriage any easier, particularly if your wife finds out you're here and doesn't approve. But you're gonna do what you're gonna do, so good luck with that.

 

[SecretPoster]

Five or six times a day? Seriously? Who has that kind of time? Even if you're only talking about quick, 20 minute sessions, that's still two hours a day. . . Assuming at least one of you is employed, and add a couple kids to the mix, and I can't even imagine.

Whether you can imagine it or not that's what we did and now that the children are a bit older I hope we can get back to.

Yeah, really. You'd have to figure that the sex would get less frequent than 5-6 times a day at some point. I'd take quality over quantity any day.

Coming on Lit and finding a "friend" won't make dealing with the issues in your marriage any easier, particularly if your wife finds out you're here and doesn't approve. But you're gonna do what you're gonna do, so good luck with that.

Wow, you know how to judge don't you?

 

[chipcarver]

No matter how you take it both of the previous posters are right. Anyone can get worn out having to deal with kids, job, household, and then be expected to preform 5-6 times a day. I would guess she is just tired and probably feels that you would expect more out of her than she can give right now even if she gives in to just once a day/week.
You will find yourself using Mary and her five fingers more often if she finds you on Lit looking for friendship.
I think you need to sit down and talk away from home where there is no expectation to "jump in the sack". However don't force or expect things to go back to the way they were.

Remember...women do not need men to have fun and be satisfied sexually

Just my honest uneducated opinion...good luck

 

[nakdsub]

I don't think you can blame Eilan

Your other post said you were keeping secrets from you wife. You claim of 5 or 6 times a DAY is a little hard to believe. When I was young and newly married we had some afternoon delights here and there, but between work and life in general, I don't even see how it's possible to be intimate that many times in a day, unless you both have, "in home businesses."

You can imagine how a site like this gets more than its share of flakes. Frankly, so far, you do not sound very credible.

We, of course, have no idea what kind of relationship you have with your wife other than you're frustrated with the lack of sex, but keeping secrets from each other is never a good idea.

 

[SecretPoster]

Edited because I lied.

I've lied and cheated and been a complete idiot.

 

[nakdsub]

That sounds more reasonable

First, I'm glad to hear from someone who believes in fidelity. I happen to be one of them as well.
I still don't hold with keeping secrets though. If you're already having problems, what happens if she discovers you've been posting and keeping it from her? I have to think it will only add to your problems.

Does she know what kind of site this is. Some maybe under the impression it's hook up site.
If so, what is her objection? Have you tried to explain to her it is a release for you to air some of your problems and frustrations in an anonymous way.

If she is still against it though, my advise is to quit. Show her that her opinions and feelings count for something. Show her she is more important than Literotica.

Sorry, I know how frustration it can be when you're having problems with someone you really love but you really should be talking to her, not us.

 

[tenchikoi]

Life gets in the way, and with kids now it's obvious her focus isn't on sex anymore. If you want more sex, do more for her so she'll feel like having sex with you. The less exhausted and time crunched she is the more likely you'll get some loving. But that's just what I've discovered along the way. When you're a part of a couple, you just can't dwell on your own needs anymore.

 

[nimoway80]

..........

 

[SecretPoster]

Beautiful night here. Clear sky, cold.

 

[DefiantOne]

be happy you got as much as you did at the time. there are those of us that are going-without except our own right hand in real life.

 

[SecretPoster]

be happy you got as much as you did at the time. there are those of us that are going-without except our own right hand in real life.

wow that's a depressing attitude. I'm here pottering around reading posts, bit frustrated but time will fix that, fingers crossed, I could go out and get laid but frankly that is a yard of pain I don't need.



Editing, because that's what I went and did. I should have listened to what everyone was telling me, but I didn't want to hear. I wish I could undo the hurt I've caused.

 

[subwannabe]

What does "non existant" mean to you? To most of us it means notta, zilch, zero, none. I have a feeling your definition is different. You say you don't want to cheat but you also say that in the past you had arguements over monogamy, exclusivity. Weird arguements for a couple to have where both are not interested in cheating. The 5-6 times a day is a little hard to believe, especially if you did it on a regular basis. Assuming you work 8 hours per day with a one hour roundtrip to your workplace and assuming you don't get off at work, assuming you sleep 8 hours per night and that you don't do it while actually asleep, that only leaves 7 hours left in the day, assuming you do absolutely nothing else, this means you basically had sex once every hour while not sleeping and not at work. Bottom line is you have some major relationship issues and you both need counseling to overcome them. It's not gonna happen without the counseling.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I respect your right to privacy and not wanting to air personal information on a public forum, however, without more details about the issues you say you're working on resolving with your wife, there is no way we can offer any useful advice on how to get through this sexual dry spell.

An individual - male or female - can lose interest in sex for a multitude of reasons, health, stress, over-worked, feelings of being unappreciated, jealousy, etc., etc, yada, yada, yada. Suffice it to say, there too many reasons to list. What is important is what YOUR issues are and what your WIFE'S issues are, and how these issues clash, which is the ultimate cause of your current frustrations over lack of sex and happiness in general with your relationship. Without knowing these things, there is no one on the face of this planet that has anything useful to offer.

I wish you the best and hope that we may help you in some small way.

 

[Eilan]

Wow, you know how to judge don't you?

Of course. I have many talents.

 

[SecretPoster]

Well don't be spending em here =D

 

[SecretPoster]

I respect your right to privacy and not wanting to air personal information on a public forum, however, without more details about the issues you say you're working on resolving with your wife, there is no way we can offer any useful advice on how to get through this sexual dry spell.

An individual - male or female - can lose interest in sex for a multitude of reasons, health, stress, over-worked, feelings of being unappreciated, jealousy, etc., etc, yada, yada, yada. Suffice it to say, there too many reasons to list. What is important is what YOUR issues are and what your WIFE'S issues are, and how these issues clash, which is the ultimate cause of your current frustrations over lack of sex and happiness in general with your relationship. Without knowing these things, there is no one on the face of this planet that has anything useful to offer.

I wish you the best and hope that we may help you in some small way.

Despite what the poster above you has said things are really good - apart from the lack of swinging off chandeliers =D - That will fix itself - poking at it and saying, 'come out to play,' doesn't work, so I'm just getting on with things =)

Beautiful day here =)

 

[sammiluvscock]

Sounds bad, but I'd say hang on in there, I am positive it will get better, there are always done times in life, and it swings about so there are always the good times as well. Just ride out the current situation it will get better.

I went through pretty bad times last year, and to get away from it ended up working and living on a farm for nearly ten months. It was absolutely amazing because it got me away from my problems, and allowed me to look at life from a different angle and reevaluate what I wanted to do and achieve with my life.

However the only downer was that it significantly reduced by sex life. This was problematic and did cause some frustration, which eventually led to me finding some solace in erotic stories on here. However it also allowed me to appreciate what I had been missng and allowed me to rediscover the importance and benefits of a healthy sex life, thus I found that in the last few months I have begun to enjoy sex a lot more again mentally, rather than just phsyically.

Hang on in there!!

xx

 

[audiodiva]

Not everyone agrees

I'm on here because it's an outlet where I can talk, have fun and banter. I'm not pretending to be unattached. I'm lucky in that my partner and I work very well together but right now there is a fallow period in that aspect of our life and we're dealing with it.

Yep, that's why I started coming here too. NO interest in a physical affair, but having fun on Lit as a necessary outlet. Hoping you don't find out the hard way, as I have, that spouses do not necessarily draw any distinction between online and RL.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Hoping you don't find out the hard way, as I have, that spouses do not necessarily draw any distinction between online and RL.

In all fairness, do you draw a distinction? If you found your spouse having an online affair would YOU be happy about it? Probably not. I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, but you always have to put yourself in the shoes of the other person.

You also have to consider that whatever you do online leaves a trail that any blind, deaf, dumb, or computer illiterate person could follow if they wanted to unless you are crafty enough to figure out how to minimize your tracks.

 

[audiodiva]

Not as clear cut as you think

In all fairness, do you draw a distinction? If you found your spouse having an online affair would YOU be happy about it? Probably not. I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, but you always have to put yourself in the shoes of the other person.

I'm afraid there is a fundamental flaw with this type of argument. I actually would draw a distinction. Unfortunately, it is not a matter of putting oneself in the other person's shoes, in which case a distinction would be drawn and conversation may result, but rather viewing the situation through their eyes and using their interpretation, which is not always possible. Hence my caution for the OP.

I respect your right to your opinion NM, but not everyone responds in the same ways.

 

[NippleMuncher]

viewing the situation through their eyes and using their interpretation

You just said the exact same thing I did. This IS putting yourself in the other person's shoes.

viewing the situation through their eyes and using their interpretation, which is not always possible.

What is not possible about knowing the response your SO will have if they find out you've been cheating on them? If you've been with anyone for more than 30 seconds, it's a damn sure bet you're going to know how they react to things.

 

[SecretPoster]

Yep, that's why I started coming here too. NO interest in a physical affair, but having fun on Lit as a necessary outlet. Hoping you don't find out the hard way, as I have, that spouses do not necessarily draw any distinction between online and RL.

I know I'm playing with fire. We've argued back and forth on these issues for years. There was a time back before the flood where we would explore online together, then something changed she did an about-face and suddenly the genie was grabbed kicking and screaming and shoved right back into the bottle. I was given the ultimatum - me or 'them' - it has never been a question of me or them for me. I love that woman, not going to change, I don't know maybe I've a head full of bad wiring. I have been extremely lucky in that I think I've met someone here who knows what I'm on about. I do know that when it comes to sex it's a bit like going out to dinner, sometimes there are two at the table sometimes more, the taste of the food doesn't change, the company just as good, I know who I want to ultimately take home knowing she's had a lot of fun. She doesn't think that way.


(Edit: Reading back on my posts, I can see how stupidly I've acted. I don't know how my wife could ever want me after so many lies)

 

[audiodiva]

I know I'm playing with fire. We've argued back and forth on these issues for years. ... I love that woman, not going to change, I don't know maybe I've a head full of bad wiring.

Completely understand. Having the love of your life doesn't change who you are or how you are wired.

Best of luck SecretPoster