frst story published - BDSM category

[loneflame]

Hi
I've been hanging around the forum lately, offering advice to others and scrounging for ideas. I've finally published my first story (probably the first part, but we'll see) and I figured I'd post it here to see what you think.
It's called "Perchance to Dream" (thank you to the editor sdbnnc for coming up with the title, among other things) and it's published in the BDSM section. The overall story idea is based on some Norse myths I read recently (mainly the Poetic Edda and Prose Edda), of course, I've set them in the present with some serious updates and changes. Just so you know, there are some elements of knife play, impact play, and bondage, so if that really bothers you, I'd just skip this one.
The story can be found here: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=428124

The main things I'm worried about:
There are elements of fantasy/non-human in it, does this work for you as a BDSM story or is this the wrong category? I'd like to give readers some warning about the content.
The backstory will be in a later chapter, which would include some femdom and possible lesbian sex. Do you feel lost or does the current information offer enough to interest you?
Is there any major aspect of the prose that just doesn't work?
Should there be more description of the man? I had a lot of trouble describing him in a way that didn't sound cheesy, but I think I may have left too much up to the imagination.

I guess, overall, what do you think?

Thanks in advance, I know you guys can be very critical (in a good way).

 

[ellynei]

Due to current eye-issues, I used a loudreading program to listen to your story.

Yes, I would agree it warrants some kind of warning when placed in BDSM. Very hard to say exactly where it should be, though, since it has the makings of noncon, scifi/fantasy, and horror categories in it. (oops almost forgot nonhuman.)

You asked if this works as a BDSM-story, those stories generally doesn't work for me, so I can't answer that question. It did work for me as a noncon-story, however.

Quite frankly, you sent me to bed

Anyway, the forumed promise of femdom and lesbian doesn't mean anything in particular to me, I do wonder why you asked that. Maybe I'm just confused 'cause I'm not used to browsing the forum without watching.

As for the prose. I don't know how it works for reading, but for loudreading/listening it worked well.


I enjoyed the characterisation of the male as presented in this chapter. I don't think too much was left for the imagination. If, later in the tale, you need the reader to perceive the male in a very specific manner, then you can always further the characterisation of him in the next chapter.

 

[loneflame]

Yes, I would agree it warrants some kind of warning when placed in BDSM. Very hard to say exactly where it should be, though, since it has the makings of noncon, scifi/fantasy, and horror categories in it. (oops almost forgot nonhuman.)
You asked if this works as a BDSM-story, those stories generally doesn't work for me, so I can't answer that question. It did work for me as a noncon-story, however.

Is it possible to submit the same story to multiple categories to see how it does under a different readership?

Quite frankly, you sent me to bed

I hope you meant that in a good way.

Anyway, the forumed promise of femdom and lesbian doesn't mean anything in particular to me, I do wonder why you asked that. Maybe I'm just confused 'cause I'm not used to browsing the forum without watching.

I suppose I mixed two concerns together...one was whether there was enough back story in this chapter to hold the reader over until a later installment...the other was something I've encountered in the real world, some in the BDSM lifestyle seem extremely bothered by the premise of a switch.

As for the prose. I don't know how it works for reading, but for loudreading/listening it worked well.

That's good, I didn't even think of that, I think in the future I may have my computer read it back to me before I submit a story.

 

[ellynei]

Is it possible to submit the same story to multiple categories to see how it does under a different readership?

A story gains most of its attention while it is on the "NEW!" list. Resubmitting a story you can't expect to get a place on the "NEW!" list.

You can have your story recategorised by using the editing option (i. e. resubmitting with same title with -EDITED added to that same title.) But without the spice of being on "NEW!" comments and votes are very far apart. At least that is my experience as a fairly unknown lit writer.

I hope you meant that in a good way.

Oh yes, I meant it in a very good way

That's good, I didn't even think of that, I think in the future I may have my computer read it back to me before I submit a story.

I've certainly noticed that it helps me spot the times at which my punctuation lacks at retaining proper feel and meaning. The complete objectivity of a computer voice does have its strengths.

Another thing the voice does for me is, when using it at normal speed, to make it easier to spot boring spots in my writing. I tell ya, when that dreary computer voice gets cracking at an excessively wordy paragraph...

Very educational for someone like me