Friendship

[Isolde]

I have been thinking alot about friendships lately mainly because I have been going through some hard times and have had to lean on my friends quite heavily lately. Another reason is because I am going through some changes with some of my other friends.

Anyway, I was going through sites about friendships on the web and I came across this survey the person took:


Friendship Survey!



In order to try and find out what a friendship actually is, four years ago I surveyed students & teachers from my school. I asked them all to rate the three things which meant the most to them in a friendship. Their results now also include readers' submissions. The results are quite interesting....




Top Five Things That Mean The Most In A Friendship

NUMBER ONE:
TrUsT - 98

NUMBER TWO:
hOnEsTy - 63

NUMBER THREE:
fUn - 48

Number Four:
unDersTanDinG - 40

Number Five:
LoYaLtY - 36



6.
ReSpEcT - 27

7.
LOvE - 22

8.
Be tHeRe FoR yOu - 20

9.
sEnsE of HuMouR - 17

10.
CoMMuNicatiOn/CaN talK - 13
CaRiNg - 13

11.

LiKe You fOR bEiNg YourSeLf - 12

12.

kinDness - 6
rEliGion - 4
eQUALity - 4
cOMMitmEnt - 4

13.

CoMpAnIoNsHiP - 3
foRgivEness - 2
FrEEdoM - 2
CoMMon InTresTs - 2
rEliabiLitY - 2
sAme PersOnaLiTies - 2
mOnEy - 2
AppReciatIon - 2
nIceNesS - 2
CONfiDenCE - 2
comPaSsIoN - 2
DevOTiOn - 1
laUgHteR - 1
TimE - 1
looKs - 1
GenErOsitY - 1
sEnSitiviTy - 1
HappIness - 1


And it got me to thinking about what I value most in my friendships...especially with those friends that have stuck by me through these past couple of months and I was wondering....what do you value in your friends the most? What makes you be friends with some people almost forever but other friendships are so fleeting? And mainly...what do you look for in a person you think you might like as a friend?

 

[SpecialK]

Great topic!

I too was just thinking about friendships (I was reading the compliments thread and listening to a song called 'Ode to a Friend' which both made me think about my dear friends.)

I am the type of person who does not have a large circle of friends, but the friends I do have I would walk through fire for, and they would do the same for me.

That's what I value about my friendships most of all, that reliable, can count on them to help you through anything. That you know they will be there for you.

<sigh> It makes me all warm and tingly just thinking about it. And a bit bittersweet too, since some of these dear friends I haven't had a chance to interact with as much as I'd like lately.

For new friends, I dunno, I like people who are sincere and real. Phony, contrite people do not interest me, and while I might have a fleeting friendship with someone like that, it won't last in the long run.

K

 

[SweetNick]

Damn

I've been trying to avoid this subject as I graduate from college in 5 days, and then this weekend the shit hit the fan with some friends.

I am the same as SpecialK, the circle is small, but its tight. I'm not sure what attracts me to one person over another, except the ease in which I'm able to talk to him/her. Recently, its become a circle of more females than guys because I generally wind up making female friends easier as I'm easy to talk to.

The one thing I value most from a friend is knowing they are going to be there, be it for a midnight coffee, or just a normal lunch.

As for fleeting friendships, I dunno anymore, I'll tell you in a month what happens.

 

[Moonlight_33]

Friends, i am begining to wonder if there is such a thing. I am tired of shedding tears over "friends". I can't do it any more.

 

[cherrypop]

What I look for in a friendship...

I invest a lot into my relationships. All I ask is that you treat me with the same consideration. I'm there for my friends 24/7. Ultimatly, if needed, they can call upon me at ANY time. Because I treat my friendships this way, I also have the comfort and knowledge that my friends will also be there for me. I think that unconditional friendship and love are a wonderful thing.
My Great Grandmother taught me something very valuable. If you have one true friend in your life, you are blessed. *g* I have many. Both online and off...and somc who cross the line between.

 

[Isolde]

I, too, am one to have few but meaningful friendships. My ex was one who could make friends with the stranger on the street and I still shake my head when I think about how easy it was for him to do that.

And I have noticed that many times a person finds closer friendships (not talking anything sexual here) with the opposite sex. That is an interesting point in itself.

And, Moonlight...*hugs* sorry you are going through a bad time. I have enjoyed rping with you and talking with you. I think you would make a great friend.

 

[TonyG]

I could not agree more with your top five or six reasons. Trust and honesty are extremely important but you can not always be serious. Fun must also exist.

 

[cymbidia]

I've got a tight circle of women friends, 7 of us, some of whom have been my friends for almost 20 years. (The "newbie" friend among us has been around for 13 years.) For years and years, we've done a Girl's Night Out thing on the first Saturday of every month. Our husbands and children KNOW we'll be gone from mid-afternoon until the wee hours and plan for it. We've all, through the years, postponed vacations and special events so we could make that night out. Twice yearly, we go away for long weekends, just the seven of us, no kids or husbands, as a sort of bonding time. I cannot tell you how highly i value these women friends in my life.

In the (sometimes) heat of our interrelationships among ourselves and in response to life's curveballs, we've had the strength of our friendship tested through the years. We've talked at length about our fortune in finding the kind of real friendship we have, how to be a good friend, and what we value in such friends.

In the end, in the matter of making and keeping friends, it all seems to come down to honesty, respect, and dignity.

You have to be honest, but not unkindly honest, with your friend to expect it back. You have to respect them as people, as interesting individuals, in order to call that from them. And you must allow them the dignity of being an individual, not a clone of you, to have any expectation of being so yourself.

Additionally, you have to be willing to listen to your friends and to give them the best of your advice (but not take it badly if they refuse to follow your good advice). You have to be there for them and know they'll be there for you.

As i get older, my strong bond with these six women becomes more and more valuable to me. In many ways, my friends are the best part of me.

 

[Isolde]

Wonderful post, cymbidia. I could not agree more.

 

[Ask For More]

An interesting topic...

I have been in university three years now, and I've learn't a lot of things. Personally I am easy to talk to, and can make friends easily, but i'm very reticent about personal things and details. I remember my birthday at the end of my first year and none of my friends here knew what to buy for me because they knew nothing about me!

When I meet a person, I always observe them very carefully; the way they act, the things they say and so forth so I can see what kind of person they are. For example; a lot of the people I knew in my first year i'd prefer not to know anymore....I think i can safely say after my three years here that despite meeting hundreds of people, and knowing a lot of different groups, I would only count maybe seven people at the most as very close friends. And I have about ten friends from my hometown, including people from my high school and people I grew up with.

I think what's important about friendship, as well as all the things mentioned previously, is sacrifice. For me, my closest friends are those that I know will put themselves on the line for me, and they all know that I will do the same for them. Whether it's in love, work, school, or anything really, all of us would be willing to sacrifice for the other.

 

[indyweasel]

Are friends worth the trouble?

 

[CoolCucumber]

I've learned that friendship is a funny thing. Everyone wants to be your friend when things are going good...but the people I want to be around are the ones who stick around when they're not. It's those people that I truly consider to be friends...
-CoolCucumber

 

[Isolde]

Are friends worth the trouble?

I have to say yes to that question. I have been hurt by people I have considered friends but I wouldnt give up the people I have as good friends for anything. And if I had let those that hurt me affect me too much I would have been unwilling to make friends with those I am close to now.

So, yeah its worth the pain of going through the losers to find the winners. At least I think so.

 

[Orlanth]

My life is bad, so I don't have many friends at all. My one true friend has been there for me for every thing, not just good times, but bad times as well. We have a great friendship, some thing which would not end of a fight. We have had times of fights, disagrements, but we come around and say sorry were due. We are manly about it. Trust is a major factor in my friendship, we both have talk to each other about things which we don't want to be talked about in socity. Believing in the friend is also a large thing, I believe what he says, and so does he to me. I find it hard to make friends, manly because I have had a hell of alot of so called friends go behinde my back and do things, talk about things we have talked about in private and just goes around telling every one. I have another good friend, one I have meet of this BB, Moonlight. Even though we have not knowen one another for very long, there is a great friendship to develop, and I will like to continue the friendship with her. Trust, is a large factory in a working friendship among other things. Don't look for rich or powerful or popular people to be you friend(s). Thew best people to be friends would be those who are not rich, powerful or popular. You will find those rich, powerful and popular people do not really care for a great friendship, and often use money to buy friends and not own a friend the right way. A true friend is one who will stand by you in every thing, and supports you in every thing, tells you where you wrong, trusts you, respectsyou, cares about you, is true to you in every expect. I do for my what I expect in return from them.