Friend Raped

[GhostRidah]

I need some help. My best friend just told me she was raped. Im so upset and so many emotions are hitting me right now. I have so much to say to her but there not right to say. I want to be there for her. What should i do to help her get through this ?

 

[Guest]

 

[GhostRidah]

Ive tryed. She says she doesnt want to.

 

[Guest]

 

[wicked woman]

Tell her to contact the local Sexual Assault Crisis Centre..it's confidential and anonymous unless she wants to say more...they will accompany your friend to the hospital too...

Good luck....support her....just continue to be a good friend...listen well...don't judge.

 

[sheath]

She will feel a huge array of emotions, most of which even she won't be able to define. But in the initial aftermath of a rape, she feels her life has just spiraled out of control. If she couldn't control what happened to her body, she's wondering how the hell she can control anything at all. So no matter what she asks you for, no matter how inane it seems, do it. Give her some sense of control. She has to have that right now.

Most importantly...she needs someone to care for her and listen to her. She needs someone to run a hot bath and bring her cocoa and brush her hair while she cries. She needs someone to listen and not push and simply be there for anything she needs. If you can call in to work and spend the next few days with her, that gesture will mean more than you can possibly know. The simple things will make her feel safe. And she needs to feel safe.

I commend you for being there for her. You will become a lifeline when she feels as if she is drowning. Never underestimate the good you are doing by simply being there, even if you feel helpless and uncertain. Your presence is a gift to her right now.

Take care,

And take care of her.

S.

 

[I'm Wild Cherry]

Take her to the hospital before she has a shower. Tell the nurse on duty that she needs to have a rape kit. From a discussion with a local police officer, I understand that she will be bumped up to the top of the line and handled much better than the average ER patient. She shouldn't have to wait long to be seen. She can hold off on pressing charges but the evidence should be collected asap. Also, you might suggest while at the hospital to get the morning after pill and have a follow up test for any nasty diseases.

 

[dollface007]

Take her to the hospital before she has a shower. Tell the nurse on duty that she needs to have a rape kit. From a discussion with a local police officer, I understand that she will be bumped up to the top of the line and handled much better than the average ER patient. She shouldn't have to wait long to be seen. She can hold off on pressing charges but the evidence should be collected asap. Also, you might suggest while at the hospital to get the morning after pill and have a follow up test for any nasty diseases.

This is excellent advice. I was in your position once...unfortunately, i was living 1000 miles away at the time. The anger i felt was overwhelming.
She may not be ready to talk to the police, but she MUST see a doctor pronto. Go with her so she's not alone. Go with her to the police station, go with her to the rape crisis center. Check up on her often to make sure she feels safe. Pick up the phone yourself and call the local rape crisis hotline....they will let you know where to go and what to do.
PM me if you want to talk. This is tough. The moral of my friend's assault: Always go to a bar with friends who will watch out for you at all times, and never trust anyone else with your drink...EVEN THE BARTENDER!

 

[BrownEyes26]

Hi there
I counseled at a sexual assault centre and worked on the response line. The most important thing is to ensure your friend's safety-mental as well as physical. Next, try to avoid secondarily wounding her by asaking things like, "Why were you there" or "what were you wearing".

Another important thing is to give her options without telling her what to do. Your friend has had her power taken away from her in the most invasive way, and giving her some power over decision making, however minute, can help to decrease the sense of powerlessess that she no doubt feels.

There are centres and counselors out there that help people that have been sexually assaulted, and some cities have a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner program in which the nurses are specially trained forensic nurses. These nurses also give power to the survivor by letting her know that anything he/she wants is alright, with no pressure to complete the rape kit, call the police, or to charge.

Sexual assault is an extremely traumatic crime, and women that I know who have been assaulted tell me that the most important part of the process is to have somebody there to hold your hand and to listen.

Hope this helps.
BE26

 

[CWatson]

On behalf of GhostRidah, I have to ask: How do you convince her to change her mind and go to the hospital? I wouldn't know personally (having the wrong genitalia for this situation) but I'd imagine that she feels extremely ashamed of herself and wouldn't want to admit what's happened to anyone who even brushes the label of 'stranger.' Add to that the statistics are that a majority of rapes go unreported, and...


~CWatson
(praying)

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by CWatson
On behalf of GhostRidah, I have to ask: How do you convince her to change her mind and go to the hospital? I wouldn't know personally (having the wrong genitalia for this situation) but I'd imagine that she feels extremely ashamed of herself and wouldn't want to admit what's happened to anyone who even brushes the label of 'stranger.' Add to that the statistics are that a majority of rapes go unreported, and...


~CWatson
(praying)

I don't have an answer...you can't force her to do anything...you don't want to force her...I think the most you can do is encourage her to go to the hospital for her sake...to make sure she's ok...and as others have mentioned ...to ensure she doesn't get pregnant (morning after pill) and get tested for AIDS and STDs.

But the real reason I'm replying is that you do have the correct genitalia to be raped. I didn't read the post carefully when I first replied and so put (s)he initially...since having volunteered for a Sexual Assault Crisis Centre I know full well men can indeed be raped...usually by other men. Just a comment.

 

[Bobmi357]

Rape. The very word makes my blood boil with rage.

My advice is simple, get her medical help asap, she needs to make sure this doesn't result in a pregnancy, and make sure she isn't going to end up with an STD because of this. Then contact a local womans crisis center, explain the problem and see if THEY can have someone talk to her.

Finally, if you ever manage to put your hands on the bastard that did this. Find a wooden floor, nail his dick to the floor, set the floor on fire and give him a seashell. Then walk away.

I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but I'm old fashioned, I was raised to cherish women, not hurt them. And I do realize that rape is not just a crime against women. Some things shouldn't happen, and this is one of them.

 

[CWatson]

Originally posted by wicked woman
But the real reason I'm replying is that you do have the correct genitalia to be raped.

I know. Not a happy thought, but, I know. I guess I was imprecise--what I was suggesting is that there may be behavioral differences between men and women in this situation. It's not that I lack the ability to be raped, but that I may not respond to it the way a woman would. In retrospect, that's probably not true. I don't think I'd be very keen on walking into an emergency room and announcing I was raped either. But, uhm, yeah. That's what I meant.

 

[GhostRidah]

Thanks for all the support and help everyone. I really appreciate it.

How can i found out the number for a local rape crisis center?

 

[I'm Wild Cherry]

Call information and ask for the number for Crisis Hotline. I believe that they are a national organization. CH can put you in touch with just about any service that is needed. They are also qualified to council over the phone if she doesn't wish to go through all the steps of being at a precise rape crisis clinic. A friend of mine worked for them while getting his PhD in Psychology. They offer excellent advice and will be there to listen as long as needed. From what I understand, they never initiate hanging up the phone. They wait for the caller to be the one to make that decision.

 

[Carnus]

Encourage her to contact a rape crisis center. I know you love your friend, but there are lots of help she can get from a group. They will help her deal with the assault and test her to make sure she is ok without involving the police. If she knows the person do everything you can to get the police involved he will do it again if he gets away with it the first time. Remember that this is not about sex, this is about control and violence. Help her to feel loved. Help her to understand that this is not a crime of desire but a violent crime. I can't stand the thought of someone being harmed like that and I know she may be ok physically, but he took something from her, a trust of strangers and some of her ability to allow others near her. I don't know what to tell you, the only person I knew that was raped cried in my arms for a long long time. Help her find someone to help her.

Carnus

 

[Jaybird3]

Carnus you amaze me sometimes. What Carnus said is so true. This is not a crime of passion but of power. She will need to understand that it didn't have anything to do with who she is, who she was with, what she was wearing. and so forth.

Just be there, let her actions guide you.

 

[lovechild27]

like everyone said...just listen. Be the friend I never had when I was raped. There is no way on Gods green earth I would of ever gone to a hospital either...but if she was violently assaulted, no condom involved and she could be pregnant she NEEDS to go to a doctor, get a pill, get tested for stds right away. Does she have to tell anyone she was raped..no. But she needs to do this for her health. Finding other people who have been through similar situations will help her too...so hooking her up with a crisis center will be good. good luck to you both...I hope she copes all right with it.