French Resistance.

[phantome71]

Story about classy girls sent to a brothel for German Officers in World War Two.
The link in my previous posting didn't work - but this one should http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=231835
Please let me have some feedback

 

[CWatson]

Please let me have some feedback

All right:
Please stop spamming the Story Feedback board. You've posted four threads with identical titles and gotten no response. That should be a warning sign.

Reading your story, I don't find it all that enticing. I don't find Dominique all that enticing as a sex object. Partially that's that I'm not a fan of NC/reluc--actually, I avoid the category on principle. So I'm not your target audience, and you should take everything I say with a grain of salt; after all, there is no such thing as a NC/reluc story that I like. But it's also that I don't find Dominique all that enticing as a person either. The story doesn't strike any emotional chords. Pretty girl in distress--so what? I've seen that in almost every movie, ever. It only matters if I care about the girl in question... and, as Dominique has an extremely limited personality, that's not something I can claim. She's not interesting to me as a person, and she's not interesting to me as a sex object--so why should I read? I shouldn't, is the answer. I hit the Back button on my browser and go to find something I like better.

Oh, and there is some sloppy punctuation going. Not much of it--the other day I read a story on SOL that had literally no commas, except when preceding an opening quotation mark--but some. If The Reader is, like me, picky about the craft of writing, then these can be a major turn-off.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck.

 

[phantome71]

French Resistance

The reason it was included the posting more than once was that I couldn't get the link to work. Until I realised that I could edit it !!

Constructive criticism would be more welcome. There may be a few punctuation errors but nothing much.

 

[PacoFear]

I don't find Dominique all that enticing as a sex object. Partially that's that I'm not a fan of NC/reluc--actually, I avoid the category on principle.
...
It only matters if I care about the girl in question... and, as Dominique has an extremely limited personality, that's not something I can claim. She's not interesting to me as a person, and she's not interesting to me as a sex object--so why should I read? I shouldn't, is the answer. I hit the Back button on my browser and go to find something I like better.

Sorry phantome, but I'm with CW on this one. For NC/reluc to work it's magic, we need to connect with the "victim." Frankly, you didn't do the work of making us care about Dominique. I stopped reading after two pages and I've got an almost disturbingly long attention span.

Also, why are you asking us to read and comment on a story you posted back in 2005? Not to twist the knife too much, but if you've continued writing since then, you've probably developed a bit more. If you haven't continued writing, you don't care that much about your skills and it's odd that you expect us to.

-PF

 

[phantome71]

Its not the same story as the original one. Its been re-written.

 

[PacoFear]

Ahhh, that would make a bit more sense.

 

[CWatson]

Constructive criticism would be more welcome. There may be a few punctuation errors but nothing much.

Would it? That was constructive criticism--or, at least, as constructive as I could make it, within the context.

I told you what I thought: that Dominique is not attractive to me in an emotional or sexual capacity, and that your punctuation errors bug me, few though they are. Implied thereby is the idea that, to please my tastes, you should fix those things. Evidently, it's not what you wanted to hear. That's fine; you don't have to like what other people tell you. But anything else I might say would be more of the same. I don't like your story. That's not an opinion I can change--and wouldn't, even if I could.

Would you like me to tell you what I would do differently? I can do that, for certain... but that's not so much constructive criticism as it is dictatorship. I'd be telling you how to write stories I like. And that's not your job. Your job is to write stories you like; it's something only you can do, and something no reader with a conscience should ever try to stop you from doing. You, as a writer, are not here to please me or any other person in your readership; you're here to please you. You should write stories you like.

But here's the problem. The kind of stories you like? Are the kind of stories I don't like. I like character-driven epics where the sex is incidental. You like mind games and power play. There's room to do both... but I'm not sure you want to. And, as such, we are just going to have to agree to disagree.

If you do want to put more characterization elements in, I can help you. And if you would simply like to disagree with me further, I can accomodate you as well. But I don't think either of us would find that productive.