Free Dildo shows...

[rckplsky]

For those who give me feedback on my stories! It can be good or bad! I just want more feedback, I'm working on what I consider to be my magnum opus and I want to make it as good as possible! Please let me know! I'm willing to talk to just about anyone! My yahoo id is ordnance_man

Thank you!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=808525&page=submissions

 

[Guest]

What does the Dildo Shows have to do with anything?

 

[Guest]

For those who give me feedback on my stories! It can be good or bad! I just want more feedback, I'm working on what I consider to be my magnum opus and I want to make it as good as possible! Please let me know! I'm willing to talk to just about anyone! My yahoo id is ordnance_man

Thank you!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=808525&page=submissions

Okay, I just opened your first story to take a peek. Anaya's Car Wash

First, in the anal category, you should expect some people to get a serious squick factor. Many people don't like anal, and if there is any anus to mouth play you'll hear about it (as you did in the feedback).

(I love anal, but that's beside the point.)

Present tense is silly. Really. Put this story in past tense. It'll read hotter.

Example.

I had taken a shower early in the morning and found some clothes that were really slutty. I found a pair of jean shorts that I had cut off at the knee. I should have cut them higher but I wanted them to be Capri pants and not short shorts. I put those on along with a boy-beater tank top. I forgo wearing any kind of underwear. I pinch my nipples to make sure they protrude out from the white top. I bring my short blonde hair back and clip it down. I put on a pair of black skimmers and look at my nearly pale white legs; I need a tan, I think to myself. I think I'll be able to get one today while I'm watching Martin wash my car. I grab my bag and a few celebrity magazines. I grab another bag with a surprise for him. I place that one in my regular bag. I open my cell phone and look for his number. I call his number, he answers on the third ring.

She took a shower early in the morning and then found clothes that were really slutty. The jean shorts were cut off at the knee, more Capri pants, but she put them on along with a tank top.

She didn't wear panties.

She pinched her nipples to make certain they protruded from the white top. She clipped her short hair back. (etc.)



I haven't read the rest of your work but if you're still doing this in present tense, first person, you may wish to change.

Just a thought. And it isn't even the rum talking.

 

[desertslave]

If this is supposed to be your magnum opus, you might want to consider working with an editor. I skimmed two stories and caught several usage and grammar errors. Things like waste instead of waist and week instead of weak.