Fraternity Gangbang Party

[moa]

I wrote a story for the first time in which I had intended to reveal one of my wife's darkest secrets and some information about her identity and how I met her.

This story had been part of a larger story that included more recent information, including her getting caught cheating on me for the second time. Since the story was so long, I decided to break up the story and gradually expose more information about her with each story that I publish as part of my way of getting even for her cheating on me.

The fraternity gangbang took place while she was in college, but based on the scoring and feedback there does not appear to be sufficient interest in my wife's history. Only a couple of people commented that they really liked reading the story, while another thought the story was sick. Most readers did not vote and had no comments.

I will give this website a little more time, but looks like I will need to expose my wife's secrets in a different way.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Hey moa--

Whenever you're asking for reads, it's a good idea to include a link to the story so the reader doesn't have to go through all the trouble of tracking it down.

Here's a link to yours:

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=200753

The problem with this story is it's all "tell" and no "show". In other words, you tell us all about Cathy and what she did, but you never get us to the point where we're there with her in real time. It's the difference between being told about a gang bang on the one hand, and actually being there and participating on the other.

Beginning writers have trouble with this. "Telling" is: She said hello to Joe at the party. "Showing" is: "Hello there, Joe," she said as she walked into the room.

Telling is: They squirted whipped cream on her tits and licked it off.

Showing is: Joe squirted the cold whipped cream on her big tits until the mounds of fluffy white stuff began to break up and slide off her body. He bent over, extended his long tongue, and began to lick it off as Cathy squirmed, turning her body this way and that.

You seem to get off on exposing your wife's secrets and portraying her as a slut. That's cool, but you should realize that the average reader may not share that fetish, and so you're still going to have to spice it up with a lot of visual details to make the pictures come alive.

By the way, that comment you got on it being a shitty story is typical for stories in which a woman acts like a slut. There are a number of people here who read those kinds of stories (especially about cheating wives) just so they can flame the author. Apparently, they were fucked over by some woman and this is how they get their revenge. Don't pay them any attention.

Best,

---dr.M.

 

[JamesSD]

Most readers did not vote and had no comments.

Welcome to Literotica.
First off, literally, welcome
Second off, don't expect a ton of comments. I'd say an "average" story for me gets 3 public comments and another 3-4 feedback via e-mail. I get a vote somewhere in the neighborhood of one per 150 or so reads. 250 votes for a story is a lot. 20-30 is pretty average.

The story is rather dark, which can be a tough sell. I agree with dr mabeuse about the need for visual details, and also to ignore the flames. Just check out the comments of any Loving Wives story and you're likely to get a feel for the jerks that are out there. Thanks to a few bad seeds Literotica isn't terribly friendly to darker stories of cheating women.

So yeah, sharing what you write is fun, but in the end you have to do it for yourself if you're going to keep going.