Four questions for submissives/slaves who have experienced sub-drop

[Mr Blonde]

This thread is for the submissives/slaves who have experienced sub-drop.

Reading through the old threads, sub-drop was described as being "ovewhelmed [sic] by a feeling of hopelessness, loss, and inexpressible despair" a few days after being immersed in sub-space (RisiaSkye). Or "a sub experiences intense sensation and emotion, they come down off the endorphin/emotion high and basically don't know what to do with it, becoming moody or depressed" (Cirrus). Or "it's a depressed, rather lethargic state of mind, the low low low after the high of bonding so intensely with one's dominant" (cymbidia). So that is the general idea of what "sub-drop" means.

What is the time range for when sub-drop hits you? How soon can it hit and how long after a scene can the feelings start? Estimates vary, but submissives describe this happening anywhere from hours to days after a scene. Is that accurate?

Assuming you have competent aftercase, does it still happen regardless of what was done in the 10-60 minutes after the scene?

What best helps to alleviate these feelings? How about getting some rest, sleep and proper food?

Can anything be said about why it might happen on some occasions and be absent at other times?

 

[tn_greeneyez]

As for me, I'll say that it happens more profoundly when I'm under extra stress in other situations.

Maybe because i throw myself deeper into the scene to aleviate some of my other stressors for the time, and then, bam, reality again and there they are.

The time frame has varried for me too, from just a half hour or so to a couple of days, but it doesn't really usually last very long, as I busy myself with other tasks.

 

[landcruisergal]

I have experienced sub drop twice that I am sure of, and unexpectedly, not after every scene. It occurs about an hour after we parted and it was a feeling of unexplained tearfulness, guilt and abandonment. Like a sense of pround loss but I couldnt explain what was missing.Like the bottom of my world had dropped out.Like mourning.But now I recognise it for what it is, and can work through it in a few hours.
What helped? Being in familiar comfortable surroundings, listening to uplifting music,( not blues, sad or nostalgic stuff) writing it down. I have a sense of journey through my submission and putting it in words certainly helps. He insists I am always honest about my actions and reactions. He says I have to work through these times and though he understands that it is hard for me, he will not respond for a couple of days, as he needs to know that I am strong enough to do this on my own. And if I cant cope, I should beg release.Hard but true

 

[bluenymph]

I have experienced sub-drop a couple of times. Usually when i have alot going on in my life. It pops up unexpectedly, feelings of sadness, lonliness. I work through it by talking to my partner. there is nothing that replaces a little cuddling to soothe those emotions.

 

[Desdemona]

This thread is for the submissives/slaves who have experienced sub-drop.


What is the time range for when sub-drop hits you? How soon can it hit and how long after a scene can the feelings start? Estimates vary, but submissives describe this happening anywhere from hours to days after a scene. Is that accurate?

The time of onset varies for me. Sometimes it is fairly soon after a scene, sometimes, it's a day or two later.

Assuming you have competent aftercase, does it still happen regardless of what was done in the 10-60 minutes after the scene?

For me, sub drop seems to be less intense if I have lots of aftercare. However, sometimes it comes, no matter what.


What best helps to alleviate these feelings? How about getting some rest, sleep and proper food?

The thing that helps most for me is to talk to Snooze. If we aren't physically together, talking to him helps. If we're together when it hits, he holds me and comforts me and it gets better.

Can anything be said about why it might happen on some occasions and be absent at other times?

For me, sub drop is more intense when there are other life stresses occurring. It's also worse if I know we're going to be apart longer than usual due to scheduling conflicts. Additionally, I found that when I was pushing my own limits in an effort to please him rather than relaxing and letting him push my limits, the sub drop was devastating. It got better as soon as we identified the problem and I stopped trying to be what I thought he wanted rather than what he truly wants.... me.

 

[Mr Blonde]

Thank you for these replies.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

What is the time range for when sub-drop hits you? How soon can it hit and how long after a scene can the feelings start? Estimates vary, but submissives describe this happening anywhere from hours to days after a scene. Is that accurate?

Assuming you have competent aftercase, does it still happen regardless of what was done in the 10-60 minutes after the scene?

What best helps to alleviate these feelings? How about getting some rest, sleep and proper food?

Can anything be said about why it might happen on some occasions and be absent at other times?

Interesting questions, Mr. Blonde.

I've noticed two different kinds of sub-drop.

(a) emotional-- I especially noticed this when JM and I were still in our LDR. We'd have that last scene, and some time after, I'd head for home. No amount of great aftercare would assuage the sub-drop that would hit me when I got home to FL from NC. It lasted 3 to 4 days, was more like a short depression in nature, and just required time and contact by phone, and IM to get over.

(b) chemical-- This is the subdrop I get today, and it's a direct result of heavy play. Dump a bunch of endorphins into your system, increase your stress (increased cortisol levels) and increased adrenaline into your system for 30 to 90 minutes and the byproducts of those chemicals do some interesting things to your body. My problems are usually dehydration, lethargy the next day, feeling generally weak and not with the program. Increased cortisol can cause decreased potassium and sodium levels, as well as low blood sugar. I'm just figuring out that I've got to really nourish myself better after a scene, and drink, drink, drink. I'm usually feeling so damn wonderful I don't want to move LOL.

It's not till the NEXT day that I feel like crap.

A little preventative maintenance can go a long way.

~Anelize

 

[Mr Blonde]

Still curious about more replies?

 

[enigma nocturne]

I play really hard, too, and I get physical sub drop fairly often. Is a feeling kind of like mild flu, general achyness and tiredness and thirsty ness. I tried a friend's hangover remedy. She told me to take a couple of aspirin after a scene and drinks lots of water to avoid dehydration. Next day I lay off the caffienne as much as I can and eat small protieny meals. Also, a warm lulling shower instead of a hot pounding shower with the shower massager turned up to pulverise does help.

Because I have issues with emotional closeness, I tend to avoid overly D/s scenes because the emotional sub drop kills me. Usually, I drop within an hour or so of when the PYL leaves. If I am emotionally attached to the person, and then they are gone, my brain sort of short circuits or something.

Ways I have found to deal with it are to arrange so the PYL can spend the night, or I can spend the night, cause if I have not "dropped" within 6-8 hours I usually do not. Otherwise, if I cannot, I try to arrange to play at my house. Reason being I have three roomates' a Domme, a switch and a sub. I hate being so needful, but we are all close enough to each other that I can mug one of them for a snuggle. Physical closeness with a non involved person will not completely allevieate the drop, but it does make it bearable.

Worse case I ever had was right after my father died. I came home,a nd was haveing stress and wanted someone to beat it out of me. So I go to a friend of mine, who also knew him,and asked her for it. Thing is, she had met us during first gulf war when she was on leave, and really liked him, and they were pretty good friends. So the two of us together that night was good and bad and wonderful and awful all at once. Confused me bigtimes. So she had flogged me for a bit and then she switched to to the canes and then the straps.. It was the first scene I ever yellowed on. Then we went to bed and woke up several hours later and both of us were in Drop Zone. sigh It was an interesting night.

edited cause I realised I did not really answer anything clearly

Physical drop, 8-12 hours. Emotional, about 2-6 hours..

Frequency, about 1 in 5 chances of either one.

Physically, aftercare has no effect on it. Emotional, always happens without suffiscient aftercare, happens every now and again with aftercare.

What helps, I think I covered that already..

 

[Justina123]

I've had subdrop a few times, always about 12 hours or so after playing with someone and then leaving and going home. It didn't matter, good aftercare or no. I think it was related to the total change of environment and emotion. I've never had it happen since becoming 24/7, I think because there's no longer a feeling afterwards of being alone. It was alleviated somewhat if there was a phone call or online chat with the Dominant the next morning.

-justina

 

[tiez]

As AnelizeDarkEyes mentioned, there are different ways in which sub-drop could be experienced. For me, I don't really consider the physical/chemical form of it as sub-drop, it's something I expect whenever I come down from an endorphin high.

A particular instance which was more than normal was when Mistress took me to have my nipple pierced. It created such a rush taht I came down very much harder than normal and nearly passed out. Of course, being cuffed and standing while it happened probably had a lot to do with it! We sat down, I sipped juice and we were fine.

Now, the emotional side of it, yes, I've experienced drop there too. I consider this the more nebulous of the two kinds of drop, since it can't really be tracked (or not yet at least!) to the chemicals in one's body. (Yeah, we'll find a link later to all sorts of fun things in the brain, but for now...

I've experienced a couple instances of drop emotionally and it mostly feels as if I've been abandoned. That someone who loves me deeply has dropped me on the pavement or kicked me out.

Really the only way I recover from it is with assurance from someone that they do still love me and that we're in a mutually loving relationship. That, and time. It's a very unfun place to be. Very unfun. Emotional distress like this is not fun for me at all.

Hope this helps. If you'd like to ask more detailed questions, feel free.