~*~ found wanting ~*~

[Celestiale]

Please don't reply to this post...it is a closed post...but if you do take the time to read (and I thank you because it is quite long!), I would love to hear any thoughts or ideas through e-mail.



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Another man...another day...another love...I've lost my way...

My insides twisted once again, so tormented am I, I can not even recognize my own face any longer. I am haunted by the dreams that I can never have...I am scarred, forever tainted by the essence of hope. My past rear's it's ugly head and I die a thousand deaths as I face it again and again. To live here, and yet be unable to know life...tempted by the promises that can never...ever...be.

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Below lay still...unable to move as the man took her. Her profession of the flesh further reiterated just how low in society's eyes she really was. Turning her head, she cried silently, her pain never realized. The man finished his act and rolled off of her, grunting as if satisfied and sated. Below almost vomited as the bile rose in her throat...the disgust overwhelming her.

Standing, she straightened her skirts and laced her bodice. She caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror above the
bureau...makeup smudged. With the back of her hand she wiped roughly at her mouth, as the tears welled within her pretty, hazel eyes. She turned to face the man, who was staring lewdly at her. Her eyes widened as he pulled a knife from beneath his pillow, and she swallowed hard...looking for a way to get out. Panic overtook her as he lunged, and she fought like a frantic, wild animal, stuck in a hunter's trap. The blade grazed her cheek and the man yelled in frustration as she made it to the door and ran screaming down the hall. Heads popped out from occupied rooms to see what the commotion was, but none cared to involve themselves.

Below found herself outside...confused and afraid. This wasn't the first time this had happened to her, but it never got any easier. Her cheek burned in the cold night air and she touched it, wincing, and saw the blood upon her fingertips. Her salty tears did nothing but blur her vision and confuse her sense of direction as she stumbled down the filthy ally. She collapsed upon a doorstep and wept, trying to remember what had driven her to this life.

[Edited by Celestiale on 01-29-2001 at 10:15 PM]

 

[Celestiale]

Below awoke...dried blood crusted over the wound on her cheek. She could see her breath in the early morning air and she shivered as she rose. The morning was fog-filled and dense as Below walked down the street holding herself. Her hair wild...the colors smeared about her face...she was glad that only the village merchants were out preparing for the day's sales. Hanging her head she walked on and made her way to her room, which was situated in a shabby boarding house near the riverfront.

Her room was clean and neat...though her bed always remained unmade, and she walked to the small, cracked bowl that served as a basin. A tarnished mirror above it reflected her bruised and bloodied cheek and she felt her tears again as she went to fill the bowl with water in the house's one, shared bathroom. Back in her room she dabbed at the wound lightly...crying out as it stung. For the first time she did not even care enough to bathe the man's filth off of her as she crawled beneath her sheets and fell into a restless
sleep.

 

[Celestiale]

Below smiled up at her mother...bringing a smile showering down over her in return. Hands claspsed in gentle union, the two walked together and talked. It seemed as if the sun's rays bathed the two in a golden aura, and that no one and nothing could taint that. They sat upon the grass, Below laying her weary little head in her mother's lap...smelling the scent that was safety and love...forever imprinting it upon her soul.

Suddenly, the pefection of the day seemed..tainted. The sun's rays eclipsed, making the world hazy and too bright about the edges. The wind began to blow and Below looked to her Mother for safety and assurance, but her Mother looked away, not meeting her gaze. Below stood...the wind howling now...her long raven tresses blowing wildly about her face. She could not see her Mother! She tried to brush the hair from her eyes, but the wind was too strong. She screamed out and flailed her arms in the hope that her fingers would find her Mother's safe touch, but she was gone...

Below awoke, trembling with perspiration covering her body. She stared wide-eyed at the low, dingy ceiling...the dream too fresh in her mind. As her conscious mind caught up with it's un-conscious self, she breathed deeply. This dream had come before...and she knew it would come again...

 

[Celestiale]

The day slipped away into twilight...Below had bathed, dressed, and done her best to cover the wound on her face, caking powder upon it heavily. Any man who would have her would be too drunk to notice it anyway, and she did not care what the other ladies of her "calling" would think. She had no friend's here, nor wanted any. She had nothing to give, and only remained alive because she was too cowardly to end her own life. One last glance at the mirror and out she headed to sell her soul once again...

Sometimes Below would find herself dreaming as she walked along the river, that instead of selling her body, she was a wealthy merchant's daughter, sneaking out to meet her forbidden beau. She would play the part to herself all the way to the pubs she frequented, smiling softly as she ran the dialogue through her mind. He would be incredibly charming and boyishly handsome...with a gentle touch and rich voice. Dark hair and intense eyes...she had spied such a man once, in the marketplace here. It was late afternoon and Below had been buying bread when he stumbled into her accidentally, lost in laughter with his manservant. He
apologized, a flush to his face as he helped Below to stand, and offered to replace her crushed loaves. Below stammered and watched as he went ahead without her yay or nay, to buy her new bread. As he handed the purchase to her, he smiled softly at her. She would never know if it was in pity or kindness, but she did know that it was the most beautiful smile she had ever seen. He held her hand for a moment...his smile lingering, and then said his goodbye and was gone into the crowd...she never saw him again.

Still, she had nothing else...just the dream of that man with the smile...that perfect smile that touched his eyes.

Below chose a different tavern this eve, one she felt a bit safer in. She nodded to the barkeep and ordered her usual, a whiskey straight up. Scanning the room, she removed her shawl, revealing a simple dress with a daring neckline, and generous slit up it's side. She sat upon a stool, her face composed, and sipped her drink. She was always a bit nervous before the alcohol took affect, but knew it was only a matter of time...

 

[Celestiale]

It did not take much to make Below tipsy. After three shots, her cheeks felt warm and her body relaxed. She listened to the young bard who played his lute and sang with his sweet voice, in hopes of a few coins from the patrons that gathered. Below found herself swinging her crossed leg to
the rhythm of the music, knowing she was being watched, and she smiled softly, letting the alcohol seep even deeper into her.

It wasn't long after that a man approached her, offering her a drink...which she kindly accepted. He was young and quite nervous as he tried to make small talk with her, and she saw behind him the group of young men that were his comrades, snickering and making lewd gestures behind his back. Below flashed a look of hatred towards them, the anger coarsing through her glare. Some looked away, almost as if ashamed, the other's simply ignored her and began to laugh even louder. The young man gave his friend's a sheepish look, but did not leave her side.

Cain was his name, she soon discovered after a pint or two of ale opened him up a bit, and he was nineteen, the son of a small but prosperous land owner near the outskirts of town. He still stammered a bit as he spoke, and seemed quite harmless. Below decided to guide the conversation into a possible transaction...maybe tonight she would have an easier time of it than the last. She asked him if he had a room for the night which promptly made him blush all the way to his ears. He swallowed another swig of ale and nodded...looking almost like a frightened animal, frozen in the hunter's site. She took his hand, leaning in close to him and whispered her price, then sat back to study his face. He nodded quickly and rose, taking her hand...his mates, now drunk and exceedingly loud, began roaring with laughter. One young and very boisterous man actually came over to slap Cain upon his back, which goaded the others into wild shouts of obscenities. Below tried to shut them out, holding back her tears, and placed her free hand at the small of Cain's back, urging him onward and away from them.

 

[Celestiale]

Cain had been a sweet boy...timid and trembling as Below had taken him into manhood. Before he left her he thanked her and kissed her sweetly. She smiled as the door closed, then walked to the room's one, dirty window to watch him go. She washed her face, began to dress, and gathered her things, humming softly and feeling the best she had in weeks. Pulling back her hair into a simple braid, she looked at her face in the mirror. The wound had already begun to heal and the swelling had lessened...still there, but not crying out to the world.

The day was bright, soft clouds dotted the azure sky as Below walked home. The marketplace was bustling at this hour and Below stopped at a flower vendor to admire the wares. She leaned in to smell some spring tulips...her favorite flower, and smiled again. Below bought three, something she rarely did, and stood back to watch the people walk by as she continued to take in the scent of her flowers.

 

[Celestiale]

An invitation had arrived by messenger, left for Below at the boarding house. When she arrived home from the market, she nearly stepped on it as she entered her small room. She bent down, picking it up, her head tilted in puzzlement. The penmanship was elegant...her name beautifully inscribed upon the envelope. She set her tulips on the bed and opened the letter curiously.

"A Masquerade Ball??" Below wondered aloud...

There was no signature, only instructions and an address. The note indicated that a costume would be arriving soon, as well as a coach to take her to the party...party? Below wondered what this really was...

Below jumped as someone rapped loudly upon her door. It was the house-mistress, and Below could sense her annoyance even
before she opened the door. After enduring a lecture about how she was not Below's personal servant, the house-mistress handed Below a large package, shot her a look of distaste, and walked away. Below was too intrigued by this whole affair to care much, and she closed her door softly. Tearing at the plain paper wrapping, Below reached in and pulled out a velvet gown the color of a rich, seemingly moist, blood-red. The gown was adorned with ruby-like jewels that scattered down it's bodice and sparkled like fresh tear-drops...or was it more like droplets of blood....? Below's eyes were wide as she gazed at the gown. She had never before seen anything like it and felt in her heart that it had been made...especially for her...

Below sat on the edge of her bed, contemplating what to do. Her brow furrowed as she bit her lip in thought, and she found herself looking back to the package. Laying the dress out, she delved deeper into the wrappings, finding a mask hidden within. It matched the dress perfectly...it's small red feathers and ruby jewels sparkled, but it did not overwhelm her features as she held it up to her face and looked into the mirror.

What IS this? It must be a mistake...or a joke perhaps? I know no one who would have the means....

Below shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. The invitation indicated that the ball was tonight, and ignoring her logical mind, Below followed her heart and went to bathe and ready herself for the evening...

 

[Celestiale]

Below almost trembled as she waited for the coach to arrive. She couldn't quite believe that this was really happening...she felt disembodied as she gazed at her reflection in the small mirror. The dress fit her perfectly, clinging to her form as if a second skin. She toyed nervously with the jewels on her bodice and smoothed back a stray lock of raven hair. She had pulled back her curls to
reveal her long neck, yet let her hair cascade down her back in almost a girlish fashion. She wore no jewelry, not having any appropriate for this occasion, and reached for the feathered mask, placing it over her face. Her eyes sparkled behind it, shining as they had not in years, and she sat upon her small bed in anticipation.

The coachman arrived shortly after and guided Below to the carriage. It was a splendid coach led by a team of four majestic steeds, and Below flushed as the man gave him her hand helping her into it. She all at once felt extremely intimidated, but the man smiled reassuringly and closed the door. Within seconds the coach was moving and all thoughts of abandoning this adventure slowly slipped from Below's mind. Taking a deep breath, Below smoothed her dress and adjusted her mask, mentally readying herself for what was
to come.

The journey was not a long one, though Below had never been to this part of town before. The coach pulled up to a very beautiful and stately home. Tall, white pillars lined the front of the three-story estate, and Below could see the flicker of candlelight through the large windows. The coachman once again extended his hand, helping Below to descend the carriage's small steps, and she stopped
short, admiring the beauty of the largest home she had ever seen. Waiting at the door was an older gentleman adorned in royal blue finery with a matching mask. He smiled softly and without words, took Below's elbow and escorted her inside. As wonderful as the exterior had seemed, it could not compare to the ornate beauty of the interior. Fine furniture, plush and inviting, as well as exsquisite
art, filled the two rooms that Below could see by looking either right or left. Chandeliers hung brightly lit at six feet intervals and fresh blooms filled the air with an intoxicating scent. The gentleman smiled as he watched Below drink everything in, then urged her onward down a long hallway.

Below heard voices and soft, seductive music as they neared a set of double doors near the end of the hallway. She suddenly felt panicked and afraid. She didn't belong here...this was not meant for her...someone must have made a mistake...

 

[Celestiale]

Below froze at the set of doors, barely breathing, her heart and mind racing. Swallowing hard, she looked to the man who was holding her arm firmly and began to question him. Her words were cut short as the man touched a finger to her lips and shook his head slowly.

There would be no answers until she went inside...

Two men in striped, gold and red velvet Jester's costumes, opened the large, oaken doors as if on cue, and Below stepped inside the ballroom. The sheer vastness of it made her take a step back, but the man who held her arm, steadied her. It was a fantasy world... The room was dark and lush with color...illuminated by torchlight, casting an eerie but almost inviting glow upon the numerous masked guests. Dark tapestries adorned the walls depicting unsettling scenes of darkness and madness, and Below shifted timidly from one foot to the other as she stood in the doorway. All eyes were upon her...men and women of all ages were smiling at her and
whispering softly amongst themselves. The music began once again...immediately filling her with it's emotion. She had never EVER heard anything like it before...and it entranced her. The man holding her arm once again guided her, but this time she felt as if she were floating instead of walking. The music overwhelmed her as she was led deeper and deeper into the room. She hardly noticed the guests now...each and every one dressed in garments as dark as her own...everyone except...HIM...

There he sat...his gaze intense upon her as she neared. He looked like an angel sitting upon his throne-like pedestal...enveloped in a warm, glowing light that seemed pure and true. As she neared, she saw that he truly was an angel...at least in costume. His gauzy clothing clung to his musculature, cascading in waves about him, and large, incredible wings were folded behind his imposing form. His dark, unruly hair was touseled and wild, curling wantonly about his face and neck. But it was his eyes that stopped her in her tracks... Those incredible eyes...the ones she had only known in her most secret dreams...

Below was breathless...entranced...and fully unaware of any of the dangers that were to befall her this one, fateful, eve...

 

[Celestiale]

Did time stop for an instant... a moment...an eternity?

Below no longer felt the servant's guiding touch, and found herself standing alone before the Master of the celebration. Her eyes went wide as she tried to comprehend the intricacies of this imposing figure, and found that she could not break her gaze from his form. His eyes bore deeply...painfully into her soul, and she uttered a small whimper in unconscious defiance.

He arose smoothly, seamlessly, descending the small staircase to greet her. Her hands were in his before she had time to think otherwise, and she basked within the glow he emitted. His eyes still delved deeply within her as he guided her to the dance floor, leading her firmly as if she were a small child. She could not dispute his grasp upon her, nor did she wish to...her will was no longer her own...

She felt her body go limp as the angel-man's wing's enveloped her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, her logical self was screaming out to her, but she could not heed it's cries. Softly, he began to whisper words meant for her ears alone...

"Below...you do not know how long I have waited for you...though time really holds no meaning here. You DO realize that you were handpicked, don't you?"

The angel-man chuckled softly...as he traced a finger down her jawline...letting it continue down until it was directly over her heart.

"Yes...the darkness within you is vast, yet there is a light...burning brilliantly amidst the dark. A rare combination indeed."

The man traced a pattern with his finger, over her heart, locking his eyes with her's.

 

[Celestiale]

In his arms, Below felt safe. Her past, her faults, her questionable ways...all disappeared as she pressed herself into the warmth of his body...against his feathered wings. She could no longer see the other guests, wrapped tightly in the embrace of her saviour. She seemed to drift in and out of consciousness as she rhythmically swayed to the sensual music, in his arms. Her head rested against his chest, and though she could not hear his heart beating, she felt the life coursing through him.

Below clung to him as he folded his large, white wings behind him neatly. She shivered as his embrace broke, her eyes finding his. He smiled softly at her, his eyes seeming to change color once again, and he took her hands in his own.

"Look around you Below...the guests have gone...we are alone, and it is TIME."

Below looked around, as if waking from a dream... She could still hear the music, no longer playing, yet echoing softly inside of her
mind.

"Time? Time holds no meaning here...is that not what you said?"

The man stroked her hair, chuckling.

"I have much to show you Below...open your mind to me, open your heart...your soul for ME."

Below listened as his warm hand brushed against her cheek...letting him guide her gaze to his eyes once again.

Those eyes...I know them...


A wave of his hand...the mist...molassas-thick, coating her soft skin...

Where are we?

A knowing smile was the only answer...

Am I that easy to read?

"Yes, Below...I can hear your thoughts quite clearly."

Below flushed, a warm rush of lifeblood filling her every pore. She looked around, unable to see through the dense night air, and continued to let herself be led by him. His hands tugged softly at her, pulling her down a path that only he could see. Below had to close her eyes...claustrophobic within the confines of the syrupy fog...and blindly followed the man, holding too tightly to his strong arm.

A clearing...fog swirling deftly about Below's frame...confusing and beautiful. Her mind tried to process all she saw here. Pillars tall and daunting sat upon marble slabs...forward they walked...steps...a staircase...gorgeous statues...family...his family...sculpted lovingly and placed in this misty garden. Decades of descendants...the males sharing one distinct trait...Those EYES.

Below spun, looking at each creation, her world askew...until she finally faced him, her head tilted.

"What is this place?"

"Welcome to my world, Below..."

World?? What...does he mean?

"This is my heritage...until now it was my duty to watch over them...but that will all change very soon...very very soon."

 

[Celestiale]

"This 'place' is many things, Below. Words cannot accurately describe it...it is a dream, and sanctuary...a place where time stands still and wishes linger."

The man's velvety voice mesmerized Below, relaxing her back into senseless submission. Taking her hand, he smiled and led her up the steps and into the small, ornate building.

The mist crept in behind them as they walked...an air of fantasy and limbo. Below felt the man release his hold upon her and continued to walk forward without him.

Mother???

Mommy...is that you?

Tears streamed down Below's cheeks as a vision of her Mother appeared before her...breathtaking...with her ebony hair and cornflower-blue eyes. She beckoned to Below, smiling warmly...so safe...Below knew she would be so safe within her Mother's waiting embrace.

Mommy...I need you...I've needed you for so long now...why did you leave me?

The vision only smiled, unable to answer her daughter's questions. Below fell into her Mother's arms, gasping as they encircled her firmly.

"I will always love you, Below...my light...my hope...all I ever wished for was your happiness."

Her Mother's voice trailed off, the solidity of her form beginning to fade.

"I will Always love you daughter...find your peace in this world...it is here...if only you would let it into your heart..."

Motherrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Below collapsed to the floor as her Mother's earthly body disappeared. The man covered her crumpled form with his soft wings and picked her up, carrying her back out into the mist.