Forgetting

[SummerMorning]

Dear All,

I have a problem. A serious problem.

See, there's a maggot crawling in my brain (that's a metaphor)*. I am having serious difficulty getting over my previous relationship, I have pangs of guilt on the one hand, good memories, memories of good sex and some nice trips on the other, mixed in with a good dose of remembering that my ex was a sodding possessive bitch.

I mean, I just can't scrub it out of my skull. It's doing bad things to my current relationship. I know she was a pain, I loathed the way she'd put me down constantly, the way she'd nag, bitch and moan. And I also know she had her moments and we had some good times.

I think it's because the sex was better with my ex. Everything else was worse, but the sex was better. I feel like a dolt, and yet that maggot of remembrance just keeps crawling. Wakes me up some nights, leaves me feeling like shit some days.

So, dear semi-anonymous folks ... what the fuck should I do? Obviously solutions like pouring lycergic acid into my cranium are out, I kind of like the inside of my cranium pretty much the way it is. Except for this damned trainwreck of memory streaking the inside like so much scrap metal.

Tx folks.

*I hope the long words scared off anybody who thought I wasn't speaking metaphorically.

 

[M's girl]

deleted

 

[SummerMorning]

Dear M's ...

thinkest thou not that I have tried? I try and do try. It's not working yet, tho ... and every time it doesn't that memory shifts and gnaws some more.

Ah, the bitchy ways of the mind.

 

[M's girl]

deleted

 

[debbiev]

not to interrupt your thread here summermorning....but your message box is full and i have a very revealing message to share with you.

 

[TerragonSix]

Dear All,

I have a problem. A serious problem.

I mean, I just can't scrub it out of my skull. It's doing bad things to my current relationship. I know she was a pain, I loathed the way she'd put me down constantly, the way she'd nag, bitch and moan. And I also know she had her moments and we had some good times.

I think it's because the sex was better with my ex. Everything else was worse, but the sex was better. I feel like a dolt, and yet that maggot of remembrance just keeps crawling. Wakes me up some nights, leaves me feeling like shit some days.

I had an ex, one that I dated for two and a half years, until a surprise visit from me, ended that (She was fucking another guy)

I had driven two hours from my home, got her a nice gift (an anklet with some charms on it), and was approaching the door when I heard the all-too-familiar womanly-pleasure sounds. Upon closer inspection, I saw her. Without a word, I pried the rose from out of my mouth as a cute gesture when I was going to knock on the door.

I went back out to the parking lot, and started to drive home. As soon as I got back on the highway, I turned on my music, and screamed along with it, tears rolling down my face, occasionally shouting curses and hateful things. Who knows what people thought whenever they drove by my truck.

My initial reaction was about over when I finally got back home. I called her calmly, and told her it was over. Upon question, I simply told her what I saw. The answer to that was dead silence. I hung up the phone on her. After 2-3 months of mourning, I was sick and tired of feeling sad all the time.

So I took a deep breath, and continued to stride forward, moving on.

So, anyway:

If you want my advice, you need to come with terms with yourself. The sex was great, wonderful. However, in your words, she was a possessive bitch. It's over. Do want the possessive bitch back in your life? Think about that.

You will never forget her. But you need to realize its over, so you can stop torturing yourself.

 

[fgarvb1]

Time will help.

Lots of time will help more, that is up to a certain point.

Do yourself a favor and get some counseling with someone well educated in relationship problems...or better yet a group.

Anything else you do will likely lead you back to the same place you are now some weeks, months, or years later.

Life is to short to be under that kind of burden.

Good luck to you.

 

[DrHappy]

Getting over the death of a relationship is a grieving process. It takes time. The feelings of loss will become less intense and will be spaced further and further apart with time. Fill you life with other happen events that will eventually replace those old thoughts.

I don't think that there is an easy way to do it. It's that part of the brain that makes life unpleasant which also makes it really nice when things are going well.

 

[mjl2010]

Time. It's part of the answer.

Sex isn't everything or you'd still be with your ex. Recognize that and you'll be happier. Is your current level of satisfaction with your mate a deal breaker? if it is, then why are you still there? If it isn't, I say quit whining and get on with your life. Let it go.

Is she happy with you in that department? Are you doing your best?

There's a lot more to life and being happy than sex.

There may be some lingering attachment here that goes deeper than sex. You might benefit from some therapy or counseling. People trying to move on from relationships where the spouse was controlling, possessive, abusive etc have difficulty sometimes. Going to see someone wouldn't hurt too much. Usually they don't bring out the giant needles and brain worms until the fourth session.

MJL

 

[subwannabe]

You don't really mention what your sex life is like now, other than it is not as good as with your ex. If your sex life is still good, and maybe you can communicate to make it better, I would rather have that than what you describe with your ex. A sex life can be a very important part of a relationship but if that is the only thing you had going with your ex you are far better off now.

 

[SummerMorning]

Sorry it took a while to respond ... work etc.

@TerragonSix

If you want my advice, you need to come with terms with yourself. The sex was great, wonderful. However, in your words, she was a possessive bitch. It's over. Do want the possessive bitch back in your life? Think about that.

You will never forget her. But you need to realize its over, so you can stop torturing yourself.

Mhm, I do think about that. It's what I use to give myself a cold shower now and again. Does it work? I hope so.

@ fgarvb1

Time will help.

Lots of time will help more, that is up to a certain point.

Do yourself a favor and get some counseling with someone well educated in relationship problems...or better yet a group.

I've actually been thinking about counseling ... you know, how you get to the point, where sometimes things are o.k. and you start deluding yourself? Well, sometimes you just need someone to talk to ... I guess that's part of this post as well. "interactive web group therapy" ... or another way of saying, "getting it off your chest."

@DrHappy

I don't think that there is an easy way to do it. It's that part of the brain that makes life unpleasant which also makes it really nice when things are going well.

Just have ta spoil it, dontcha? But on the other hand, the upside is that if I'm feeling bad now, it means I'm going to be able to feel good later.

@MJL

There may be some lingering attachment here that goes deeper than sex. You might benefit from some therapy or counseling. People trying to move on from relationships where the spouse was controlling, possessive, abusive etc have difficulty sometimes. Going to see someone wouldn't hurt too much. Usually they don't bring out the giant needles and brain worms until the fourth session.

LOL ... good take on the topic.

@Subwannabe

A sex life can be a very important part of a relationship but if that is the only thing you had going with your ex you are far better off now.

Keep reminding me of that, it helps. The irony. Coming to Literotica to be told that sex isn't the only thing ...

Thanks guys ... it means a lot, to be able to, well ... get this stuff out of my system. Sorry I reply so slowly, I just don't really get around to it.

 

[tonethebone]

Also went through a hard break up. Was my first wife of only 5 years. And all we had at the end was awesome sex. But the emotional bond was gone. As everyone has said, time will heal the wounds.

For me, the hard part was knowing she was sleeping with other guys. And I had not got to the point of meeting new people yet. Once I got out in the world again. It didn't bother me anymore.

So I say stay very busy with friends and family, hobby's ect.

 

[SummerMorning]

Also went through a hard break up. Was my first wife of only 5 years. And all we had at the end was awesome sex. But the emotional bond was gone. As everyone has said, time will heal the wounds.

For me, the hard part was knowing she was sleeping with other guys. And I had not got to the point of meeting new people yet. Once I got out in the world again. It didn't bother me anymore.

So I say stay very busy with friends and family, hobby's ect.

Good point there ... I can't bear to think what it's like for people who don't have a wide social circle they can turn to.

 

[FurryFury]

You can chose to continue to think about the ex and the past relationship making yourself miserable or you can train yourself to stop doing so each time it comes up. One thing can continue to make you unhappy, the other can lead to you moving on and perhaps finding something far, far better for YOU. No one but you can make that choice.

It's difficult I know but you still have to do the work to make your life better.

 

[thetwitchy1]

I learned a little "cantrip" from a wise man once... It doesn't always work, and it tends to be more about getting over loss than forgetting it, but here it goes...

"I've gotta get over this sometime. Why not now?"



What you're dealing with sounds more like addiction to me than anything. You had something that, like a drug, made you feel great... until it came time to pay the bill. A powerful high from amazing sex, followed by a horrible comedown to a nagging, bitchy wife. The only thing that made life worth living with her was how the sex made you feel, which means that you focused more and more attention on it... and now you're left only remebering that part, and it drives you nuts because you cognitavely know she was horrible for you, but you still want what she gave you.

I've been through that. It sucks, kicking the habit. Especially when it's so easy to get it back... But if you change how you are looking at it, it might make a difference in how you deal with it. So I guess, really, that's my advice. Find a way to look at what's happening to you that makes sense, and use that new way to deal with it. And, with time and effort, you can put it behind you.

 

[SummerMorning]

I learned a little "cantrip" from a wise man once... It doesn't always work, and it tends to be more about getting over loss than forgetting it, but here it goes...

"I've gotta get over this sometime. Why not now?"



What you're dealing with sounds more like addiction to me than anything. You had something that, like a drug, made you feel great... until it came time to pay the bill. A powerful high from amazing sex, followed by a horrible comedown to a nagging, bitchy wife. The only thing that made life worth living with her was how the sex made you feel, which means that you focused more and more attention on it... and now you're left only remebering that part, and it drives you nuts because you cognitavely know she was horrible for you, but you still want what she gave you.

I've been through that. It sucks, kicking the habit. Especially when it's so easy to get it back... But if you change how you are looking at it, it might make a difference in how you deal with it. So I guess, really, that's my advice. Find a way to look at what's happening to you that makes sense, and use that new way to deal with it. And, with time and effort, you can put it behind you.

Very true. Precisely like addiction. Probably hijacks the same pleasure circuits in the brain - not physical addiction but psychological. What a good way of putting it ...

And your's is a good point to, Furry.

Things are better now ... from talking things over with you guys, from taking deep breaths, from finding some other people I can trust and talk to. It's hard, but at least it's getting better.