Forced scenario

[ebergeise]

I’m having a problem with an idea that fits well with my story. I wanted to use a couple of sentences to describe it and move on.
The problem is that I’ve approached it from several different angles but it always feels forced. The only way that seems to work is go into great detail over several paragraphs with lots more information than I wanted to get into.
Any suggestions on how to keep it short and sweet and not have to go into lengthy detail.
I will admit the drawn out version seems to work. It just seems like I’m using a lot of unnecessary verbiage.

 

[usable001]

I’m having a problem with an idea that fits well with my story. I wanted to use a couple of sentences to describe it and move on.
The problem is that I’ve approached it from several different angles but it always feels forced. The only way that seems to work is go into great detail over several paragraphs with lots more information than I wanted to get into.
Any suggestions on how to keep it short and sweet and not have to go into lengthy detail.

Only if you can tell us what "it" is.

 

[Voboy]

Only if you can tell us what "it" is.

This.

What's the idea?

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

Have one of your characters describe it in question and answer style dialog. Then you can get the idea out in a way that feels more natural.

"Captain, we just got a tip the MacGuffin's been stolen by The Syndicate."

"MacGuffin? You'll have to give me a little more detail than that, detective."

"Well, Captain, the MacGuffin is..."

 

[usable001]

Have one of your characters describe it in question and answer style dialog. Then you can get the idea out in a way that feels more natural.

"Captain, we just got a tip the MacGuffin's been stolen by The Syndicate."

"MacGuffin? You'll have to give me a little more detail than that, detective."

"Well, Captain, the MacGuffin is..."

While decent advice, isn't that more drawn out, the opposite of what the OP was looking for?

I’m having a problem with an idea that fits well with my story. I wanted to use a couple of sentences to describe it and move on.
...
I will admit the drawn out version seems to work. It just seems like I’m using a lot of unnecessary verbiage.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I’m having a problem with an idea that fits well with my story. I wanted to use a couple of sentences to describe it and move on.
The problem is that I’ve approached it from several different angles but it always feels forced. The only way that seems to work is go into great detail over several paragraphs with lots more information than I wanted to get into.
Any suggestions on how to keep it short and sweet and not have to go into lengthy detail.
I will admit the drawn out version seems to work. It just seems like I’m using a lot of unnecessary verbiage.

If it seems forced to fit, does the idea actually fit with the story, or do you the author really want it to fit, when it actually doesn't?

It might be a sacred cow type of idea, but you're writing about horses.

If the idea is truly relevant and genius, it will have fitted together properly already.

That's being philosophic about it. The alternative is to drop in the whole context, however verbose, move on, and give it a good hard look during edit. It might be a rubbish idea after all, or it might snap the whole story together. Fix it up later, would be my advice. Before submission, obviously, don't wait to get reader input.

 

[Britva415]

While decent advice, isn't that more drawn out, the opposite of what the OP was looking for?

I think it was being offered as a way to make the drawing-out of what the OP feels is necessary information less objectionable for being drawn-out. After all, OP did say two things: That they think it's too drawn out, and also that they think it's necessary to do so.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Whatever "it" is, don't describe it. Imply it.

SPOILERS FOR CAT PEOPLE.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I think we need more detail on what "it" is.

What's the downside to more detail? If its important to the story, give it more detail, if it isn't important to the story... well kill your darlings. Tuck it away for another story, another time.