For those just starting to explore, be aware there are risks.

[WriterDom]

I went to the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom site to get an idea of the extent we are discriminated against.

In the past year alone, they are working with 73 criminal cases involving SM and other forms of alternative sexual expression, 461 child custody cases, and 392 cases where people were fired or demoted. And that doesn't represent all the cases, just the ones where they were called in to help.

 

[willfulbrat]

Yes, that's why I finally learned to keep my mouth shut. People aren't as open-minded as they pretend to be.

 

[cymbidia]

The creeping tide of prejudice against us is precsiely why i'll never have a real-face av here at Lit. I can't afford it, on many levels.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Prejudice

Lest we forget this country has a so-called "puritan ethic." Anyone who is different runs the risk of some kind of censure. Remember we burned witches not so long ago.

That is the main reason I do not discuss my private life to acquaintances or family unless they really have a need to know. Thank goodness I do not have to ever worry about child custody battles.

Ebony

 

[Justine de Loup]

I have a child and will definitely take great pains to keep this side of my life private until she is old enough to make up her own mind about it.

As for the custody thing, her father's never been in the picture but my family wouldn't hesitate to take her away if they were to believe her to be in harm's way...

Thanks for the eye opening warning, WD...I'll keep it in mind!!

Justine

 

[sexy-girl]

The creeping tide of prejudice against us is precsiely why i'll never have a real-face av here at Lit. I can't afford it, on many levels.

i hadnt fully considored that BDSM folk would face the same sort of prejudices that gays have to until i joined literotica ... is another of the reasons that i dont post my face on here as well

 

[KillerMuffin]

I came across this today

http://www.frugaldomme.com/dangers/danger1.htm

"This is my personal account of a meeting that went very bad and no one is required to read it.

Since many of you know me personally I felt this was the best place to tell the community about an experience I just went through. I met a sub online who lives locally, <snip>, and after many conversations in various chat mediums and daily phone calls we met to play at her home. She was well aware of how hard I am and wanted that kind of use. Last Saturday night I went to see her and we did play very hard as the bruises on her body would attest. She could take a lot and can without a doubt be called a painslut. Before any play started she asked for me not to do a couple of things, one of which was not to restrain her. I honored her requests for the entire night. During the course of the evening we had sex, oral and vaginal. Part of the play was vaginal slapping, light caning and paddling. At the end of the evening she even paid me for coming up (part of the humiliation aspect agreed on in advance) and set up an additional meeting for the next day since she had to go to work that night. As I was leaving she asked for a few more swats from the paddle on the back of her thighs, which I gave her. We then hugged and kissed and I left. I left my toy bag there since I was coming right back. AT one point this girl was with one of the local <snip> members, which to me gave her credibility in my eyes although I never talked to them about her.

I returned the next day, Sunday at noon, and no one was at home. I called her cell phone and some other woman answered. When I questioned her about the girl she said their phones had been switched but she would get hold of her and let her know I was there. I stood by my car and then a cop car pulled up. I was told to stand away from my car, asked if I had any weapons, told to turn around and was cuffed with no explanation. Very shortly 2 more police cars arrived, I was read my rights and told I was being held as a suspect for aggravated sexual assault. I was then taken to the local city jail and put in a holding cell. Four hours later I was taken to the detectives office, read my rights again and signed a paper saying I was making a statement and had been told my rights. I told the detective the entire story from beginning to end. He then told me I was being charged and that "its a dangerous game you play". I was taken to the county jail facility booked for the following charges: Rape, Lewd and Lascivious acts, Insertion of a foreign object and Terrorism. They left me in the cell for 2 days and as you might imagine I knew life as I knew it was over. The bruises on her vagina was all the evidence they needed in my way of thinking to convict me of forcible rape. On Tuesday afternoon I was scheduled for my first court appearance. When the jailer arrived to take me he called my name, I jumped down off the steel bunk and he said," roll up your stuff, all charges have been dropped". This sadist started to cry.

I was released very quickly, had to pay over $250.00 to get my car back and left <snip>. I have since lost my position at work and been demoted to a lower position, which shows some compassion on my boss's part since I was using the company computer to chat with this girl. Something everyone in the company had been told NOT to do. I am very very lucky that I am not headed for prison for many years and could well have been there for the rest of life. This is just a warning to all the Doms/Dommes out there. be very sure of who you play with...they do have control if they want to use it. This could have happened to anyone, but I was just lucky that someone in the DA's office took the time to check it closely and could find no evidence of force, although I don't know how. Perhaps her statement or the fact she was never restrained did it. The charge of abuse was never brought up and I would have thought it would have, considering how bruised she was, but they knew it was consensual play. As you might had gathered I am dropping out of the lifestyle for awhile but just wanted to tell the people I know why. If anyone wants to copy this to let others know what can happen, you have my permission.

{censored}"


This seemed relevant.

 

[shysub]

am so sorry, KillerMuffin

That was a terrible thing you went through. I never thought this could happen. You have made me extremely aware of the risks we play with and I am sure to be more cautious. Perhaps contracts should be written and used more often.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Oh no, that wasn't me! I found that at the link indicated at the top of the post. I try not to claim other people's experience as my own. In light of what WD posted, I thought it was relevant and permission to distribute freely is explicitly given. I need to be more clear, I think. I'm sorry.

 

[Azwed]

I was talking to a friend of mine at work a couple weeks ago abut just random stuff. We are kind of close I guess, blay baseball sometimes with other people from work, and we are college studends so talking about sex is normal, open everyday thing. This was right before I went up to CT so i was complaining some because I had not had sex in a good while and he was doing the same cause he has been single for this whole past semester.

Well without even thinking I mentioned that the last time I had been with my gf we did some rope play. My bed is great for that because it is supposed to be a bunk bed futon but I just use the top level for storage. It is solid metal and the top can support a lot of weight and there are plenty of rungs and posts to tie a rope down.

He kind of gave me this weird confused look and I was like you know tying her up bondage, BDSM. He just got all quiet and didn't say anything till he finished his cig. Then we started talking about baseball and he didn't say anything about what I had said.


Nothing has happend since then and we sill play ball together and hang out but I have learned to be more careful about what I talk about.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bump........

 

[navarre]

Good bump Catalina.

Thank you.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I found this very good article.

CONSENT, ASSAULT & SEXUAL ASSAULT

Francisco.

CONSENT, ASSAULT & SEXUAL ASSAULT

Whether a person practicing BD/SM could be charged with criminal assault depends on three variables: (1) whether the submissive or bottom consented to the activity; (2) whether the dominant or top intended to do bodily harm; and (3) whether bodily injury in fact occurred (and the degree of injury).

The consent issue is largely untested in most state courts. In Colorado, our criminal statutes provide as follows:

18-1-505. Consent.

(1) The consent of the victim to conduct charged to constitute an offense or to the result thereof is not a defense unless the consent negatives an element of the offense or precludes the infliction of the harm or evil sought to be prevented by the law defining the offense.

(2) When conduct is charged to constitute an offense because it causes or threatens bodily injury, consent to that conduct or to the infliction of that injury is a defense only if the bodily injury consented to or threatened by the conduct consented to is not serious, or the conduct and the injury are reasonably foreseeable hazards of joint participation in an lawful athletic contests or competitive sport, or the consent establishes a justification under sections 18-1-701 or 18-1-707.

(Note: Sections 18-1-701 and 18-1-707 deal with police officers or other public officers executing their official duties, such as making an arrest.)

(3) Unless otherwise provided by this code or by the law defining the offense, assent does not constitute assent if:

(a) It is given by a person who is legally incompetent to authorize the conduct charged to constitute the offense; or

(b) It is given by a person who, by reason of immaturity, mental disease or mental defect, or intoxication, is manifestly unable and is known or reasonably should be known by the defendant to be unable to make a reasonable judgment as to the nature or harmfulness of the conduct charged to constitute the offense; or

(c) It is given by a person whose consent is sought to be prevented by the law defining the offense; or

(d) It is induced by force, duress, or deception.

(4) Any defense authorized by this section is an affirmative defense.

By "affirmative defense" (see subsection 4, above), the statute means the defendant has the burden of proof.

ASSAULTS CAUSING BODILY INJURY

Our focus here is on intent and actual injury. We will let the Colorado Criminal Code speak for itself by reproducing the key provisions:

18-3-202. Assault in the first degree.

(1) A person commits the crime of assault in the first degree if:

(a) With intent to cause serious bodily injury to another person, he causes serious bodily injury to any person by means of a deadly weapon; or

(b) With intent to disfigure another person seriously and permanently, or to destroy, amputate, or disable permanently a member or organ of his body, he causes such an injury to any person; or

(c) Under circumstances manifesting extreme indifference to the value of human life, he knowingly engages in conduct which creates a grave risk of death to another person, and thereby causes serious bodily injury to any person....

Note: "Deadly weapon" is defined in section 18-1-901(3)(e) to mean any of the following if the manner in which it is used or intended to be used is capable of producing death or serious bodily injury: a firearm whether loaded or unloaded; a knife; a bludgeon; and any other weapon, device or substance.

Note: "Serious bodily injury" is defined in section 18-1-901(3)(p) to mean bodily injury which, either at the time of the actual injury or at a later time, involves a substantial risk of death, a substantial risk of serious permanent disfigurement, a substantial risk of protracted loss or impairment of the function of any part or organ of the body, or breaks, fractures, or burns of the second or third degree.

18-3-203. Assault in the second degree.

(1) A person commits the crime of assault in the second degree if:

(a) {Repealed}

(b) With intent to cause bodily injury to another person, he or she causes such injury to any person by means of a deadly weapon; or

(c) With intent to prevent one whom he or she knows, or should know, to be a peace officer or firefighter from performing a lawful duty, he or she intentionally causes bodily injury to any person; or

(d) He recklessly causes serious bodily injury to another person by means of a deadly weapon; or

(e) For a purpose other than lawful medical or therapeutic treatment, he intentionally causes stupor, unconsciousness, or other physical or mental impairment or injury to another person by administering to him, without his consent, a drug, substance, or preparation capable of producing the intended harm....

18-3-204. Assault in the third degree.

A person commits the crime of assault in the third degree if he knowingly or recklessly causes bodily injury to another person or with criminal negligence he causes bodily injury to another person by means of a deadly weapon....

18-3-206. Menacing.

A person commits the crime of menacing if, by any threat or physical action, he knowingly places or attempts to place another person in fear of immanent serious bodily injury....

18-3-208. Reckless endangerment.

A person who recklessly engages in conduct which creates a substantial risk of serious bodily injury to another person commits reckless endangerment, which is a class 3 misdemeanor.

UNLAWFUL SEXUAL BEHAVIOR

First a few key definitions:

18-3-401. Definitions.

* * *

(1.5) "Consent" means cooperation in act or attitude pursuant to an exercise of free will and with knowledge of the nature of the act. A current or previous relationship shall not be sufficient to constitute consent under the provision of this part 4. Submission under the influence of fear shall not constitute consent....

(2) "Intimate parts" means the external genitalia or the perineum or the anus or the buttocks or the pubes or the breast of any person.

* * *

(4) "Sexual contact" means the knowing touching of the victim's intimate parts by the actor, or of the actor's intimate parts by the victim, or the knowing touching of the clothing covering the immediate area of the victim's or actor's intimate parts if that sexual contact is for the purposes of sexual arousal, gratification, or abuse.

(5) "Sexual intrusion" means any intrusion, however slight, by any object or any part of a person's body, except the mouth, tongue, or penis, into the genital or anal opening of another person's body if that sexual intrusion can reasonably be construed as being for the purposes of sexual arousal, gratification, or abuse.

(6) "Sexual penetration" means sexual intercourse, cunnilingus, fellatio, analingus, or anal intercourse. Emission need not be proved as an element of any sexual penetration. Any penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the crime.

And now, the statutory provisions:

18-3-402. Sexual assault in the first degree.

(1) Any actor who knowingly inflicts sexual intrusion or sexual penetration on a victim commits a sexual assault in the first degree if:

(a) The actor causes submission of the victim through the actual application of physical force or physical violence; or

(b) The actor causes submission of the victim by threat of imminent death, serious bodily injury, extreme pain, or kidnapping, to be inflicted on anyone, and the victim believes that the actor has the present ability to execute these threats; or

(c) The actor causes submission of the victim by threatening to retaliate in the future against the victim, or any other person, and victim reasonably believes the actor will execute this threat. As uses in this paragraph (c), "to retaliate" includes threats of kidnapping, death, serious bodily injury, or extreme pain; or

(d) The actor has substantially impaired the victim's power to appraise or control the victim's conduct by employing, without the victim's consent, any drug, intoxicant, or other means for the purpose of causing submission; or

(e) The victim is physically helpless and the actor knows the victim is physically helpless and the victim has not consented.

18-3-403. Sexual assault in the second degree.

(1) Any actor who knowingly inflicts sexual penetration or sexual intrusion on a victim commits a sexual assault in the second degree if:

(a) The actor causes submission of the victim to sexual penetration by any means other than those set forth in section 18-3-402, but of sufficient consequence reasonably calculated to cause submission against the victim's will; or

(b) The actor causes submission of the victim to sexual intrusion by any means other than than those set forth in section 18-3-402, but of sufficient consequence reasonably calculated to cause submission against the victim's will; or

(c) The actor knows that the victim is incapable of appraising the victim's conduct; or

(d) The actor knows that the victim submits erroneously, believing the actor to be the victim's spouse; or

(e) At the time of the commission of the act, the victim is less than fifteen years of age and the actor is at least four years older than the victim and is not the spouse of the victim; or

(f) {Repealed}

(g) The victim is in custody of law or detained in a hospital or other institution and the actor has supervisory or disciplinary authority over the victim and uses his position of authority, unless the sexual intrusion is incident to a lawful search, to coerce the victim to submit; or

(h) The actor engages in treatment or examination of a victim for other than bona fide medical purposes or in a manner substantially inconsistent with reasonable medical practices.

18-3-404. Sexual assault in the third degree.

(1) Any actor who knowingly subjects a victim to any sexual contact commits sexual assault in the third degree if:

(a) The actor knows that the victim does not consent; or

(b) The actor knows that the victim is incapable of appraising the nature of the victim's conduct; or

(c) The victim is physically helpless and the actor knows that the victim is physically helpless and the victim has not consented; or

(d) The actor has substantially impaired the victim's power to appraise or control the victim's conduct by employing, without the victim's consent, any drug, intoxicant, or other means for the purpose of causing submission; or

(e) {Repealed}

(f) The victim is in custody of law or detained in a hospital or other institution and the actor has supervisory or disciplinary authority over the victim and uses his position of authority, unless incident to a lawful search, to coerce the victim to submit; or

(h) The actor engages in treatment or examination of a victim for other than bona fide medical purposes or in a manner substantially inconsistent with reasonable medical practices.

18-3-409. Marital defense.

Any marital relationship, whether established statutorily, putatively, or by common law, between an actor and a victim shall not be a defense to any offense under this part 4 unless such defense is specifically set for in the applicable statutory section by have the elements of the offense specifically exclude a spouse.

18-3-410. Medical exception.

The provisions of this part 4 shall not apply to an act performed for bona fide medical purposes if such act is performed in a manner which is not inconsistent with reasonable medical practices.

 

[english vicky]

This is worrying stuff - although i can understand why those in medical/police positions have to be careful when it comes to abuse.

i think people need more education to understand how some people live, and that some people 'want' to have those marks/bruises.

 

[graceanne]

I actually keep meaning, and I really need to do this, to put in writing that I'm consensual and put it someplace safe so that, heaven forbid, something happen to me Kenny has proof that I like all this. I would hate him to go to jail.

I also am very careful about people knowing. I am under no delusions about people being open minded. People like to pretend they are, but the person who is is very very rare. Most just pretend. It's why I don't let my real name out, etc. Better safe than sorry and all that.

Also, this should be a library thread. Unless it already is, and I just didn't notice. It's such an important issue.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I actually keep meaning, and I really need to do this, to put in writing that I'm consensual and put it someplace safe so that, heaven forbid, something happen to me Kenny has proof that I like all this. I would hate him to go to jail.

I also am very careful about people knowing. I am under no delusions about people being open minded. People like to pretend they are, but the person who is is very very rare. Most just pretend. It's why I don't let my real name out, etc. Better safe than sorry and all that.

Also, this should be a library thread. Unless it already is, and I just didn't notice. It's such an important issue.

Unfortunately, putting it in writing does not protect your loved one from legal prosecution, though it may help lessen the consequences if you are in the right place at the right time.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

I am not sure of the legal position in the UK of 'consent' agreements but I am fairly sure they will not stand the scrutiny of the law if tested.

I am aware of people losing their job if they are involved in and form of BDSM, as commented by wilfulbrat:
"People aren't as open-minded as they pretend to be."

I would be interetsed to know the UK/Euro stance on this.

Catalina/Lara can we have Francisco's article in the library?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am not sure of the legal position in the UK of 'consent' agreements but I am fairly sure they will not stand the scrutiny of the law if tested.

I am aware of people losing their job if they are involved in and form of BDSM, as commented by wilfulbrat:
"People aren't as open-minded as they pretend to be."

I would be interetsed to know the UK/Euro stance on this.

Catalina/Lara can we have Francisco's article in the library?

Hi Shy Slave I would have like to have written that article I have not, it is a very good article though.

Here are some articles that talk about the UK BDSM and law.

http://www.fetish-net.org.uk/law.html
http://www.spannertrust.org/default.asp

Important is the spanner case, which is a major landmark in BDSM law and the UK. Pure can tell you more about that. In fact Pure is probably the most knowledge person on the board about BDSM and law.

For the UK the The Sexual Offences Act is the regulator for what is allowed sexually and what is not.

http://www.legislation.hmso.gov.uk/acts/acts2003/20030042.htm

The rest of Europe has its own laws with the Scandinavian countries being the most liberal closely followed by the Netherlands.

Francisco.

 

[bumblebee1980]

edit.

 

[oddity83]

The only three people that know about my life style are my ex, my current girlfriend and an old co-work that told me she was into the scene herself. Nobody else needs to know, matter of fact it pissed me off when I started my new job and a couple of my co-workers asked if if I was virgin. I told them it wasn't their business.

 

[Soulfiregirl]

See, things like this are the exact reasons why I don't want the religious right to take over our country.....I'm so tired of closed minded people trying to tell the rest of us how to live. People and children need to be protected from abuse but that story gave me shivers. (the guy who was charged and arrested and then the charges were dropped)

Why did the woman press charges against him if she consented originally with him? Women who falsely accuse men of rape or sexaul abuse make me so angry. (because then women who are really raped and come forward are not believed)

Sorry, just my two cents....

 

[Netzach]

What is interesting to me, is that in any contact-sports arrangement, consent to assault and consent to injury is hunky-dory. Sign a release and you can get punched in the face. As long as that boner is hidden in a cup, it's all good.

 

[Sodality]

What a tangled web we weave




It never ceases to amaze me just what a fine line we all walk when entering into this lifestyle. To

Why did the woman press charges against him if she consented originally with him?

Some of the reasons that women press charges is that they are not emotionaly ready to face the down side of sub space. Sure ya had a fantastic time but my love, what goes up, must come down. Newtons law of Gravity I think that was.

There is a deep psychological impact on some of the more intense scenes. Some are ready to cope, some are not. This is partly why if not the whole reason after care is crucial. Not just a hug and a swat on the ass or a kiss goodby with promises to come back. Unfortunately......It is the downside, there are both men and women that cannot handle themselves and living out their fantasies.

 

[bumblebee1980]

edit.

 

[Soulfiregirl]

Re: What a tangled web we weave

It never ceases to amaze me just what a fine line we all walk when entering into this lifestyle. To

Some of the reasons that women press charges is that they are not emotionaly ready to face the down side of sub space. Sure ya had a fantastic time but my love, what goes up, must come down. Newtons law of Gravity I think that was.

There is a deep psychological impact on some of the more intense scenes. Some are ready to cope, some are not. This is partly why if not the whole reason after care is crucial. Not just a hug and a swat on the ass or a kiss goodby with promises to come back. Unfortunately......It is the downside, there are both men and women that cannot handle themselves and living out their fantasies.

That's true. You make a very good point. I just feel bad for the guy that got charged. What a nightmare that must have been for him.