For those in open/poly or really whoever wants to chime in...

[sb2009]

What's your experience with getting to know your spouse's "other" in terms of friendship or just polite acknowledgement, or anything else?

I have to sides of the spectrum, I think.

With my husband, I have told him my friend's name and address and what he does for work, and let him know when it went beyond just meeting at an art gallery for the afternoon, ahem. We agreed a long time ago to let each other know when we started having sex.

My friend, he knows my husband's names and I mention him now and then, and he will ask how he's doing. But they have absolutely no interest in meeting, talking, texting, anything. And the thing is, with both of them in similar career fields...they could run into each other professionally. There is no animosity, i just think both are maybe kind of alpha that way?

Now with my husbands other/sub/etc, we haven't met yet, but will at some point, when I visit. We have been texting each other a few times a week since the beginning, email, etc. I don't feel any jealousy, but realize that may be because right now, we live apart and so I am not facing any sort of "he could be with me but he's with her right now!" circumstances. We joke around a lot and today we had a discussion on who was "good cop" and who was "bad cop" when discussing his bronchitis and how I wanted him to visit the dr for fuck's sake how hard is that to do for a grown man...oh wait, side track there!

My friend, R, thinks that me and Tim's girl talking is a bit ... odd. However, he is not married and his long-term relationship is with a woman who live really far away and they don't really get into details of who they date. And he understands of course that being married, my husband gets much more info. And so I figure that's why he thinks it's a bit odd that she and I talk.

Thoughts? Experiences? Funny stories about stubborn husbands who collapse at work because they get pneumonia?

 

[chy_girl]

If it's something that the you and she are comfortable with I don't see how it would be odd. You have a person in common that (I hope) you both care about and share some level of affection for. And there is the slightest of possibilities that it'll help prevent any jealousy when you do meet. Or at least create a communication level that would allow you to speak to her if jealousy does arise.

My poly dynamic was a bit different, though, so I could be wrong with that.

 

[sb2009]

I agree, I don't find anything odd about it. But I also didn't want to have any expectations going in..that way we could all develop what worked for us.

I did have a concern that if I was too friendly, she would think I was being the stereotypical primary/etc who faked friendship to keep tabs...so I told her that LOL It's so much easier now that I realize people can't read minds adn it's ok to say what I'm thinking!

 

[Keroin]

Funny stories about stubborn husbands who collapse at work because they get pneumonia?

Don't get me started on that one.

I read something, somewhere...I think it was Stephen King...and it said, (and I paraphrase)...

If a man sees blood on the toilet paper after he wipes his ass, he'll shit in the dark for a month and hope it "goes away".




*truth sigh*

 

[sb2009]

Don't get me started on that one.

I read something, somewhere...I think it was Stephen King...and it said, (and I paraphrase)...

If a man sees blood on the toilet paper after he wipes his ass, he'll shit in the dark for a month and hope it "goes away".




*truth sigh*

ain't that the truth?

 

[the captians wench]

I agree, I don't find anything odd about it. But I also didn't want to have any expectations going in..that way we could all develop what worked for us.

This I think is the most important part.

There's really no rule on how you should interact with your SO's other.

I've been on very friendly terms with a lover's wife, and I've had others who would rather keep me "out of sight out of mind". And then of course there was the occational incounter with a man who kept his SO a secret from me.

Personally I like being "part of the family". I don't like the feeling of being some one's "dirty secret", I'm too much of an open book to hide part of my life like that.

 

[Omegaop]

My only question is did the good cop/bad cop work to get him to doctor!!

But as others said what works you and yours is good for u, might not work for everyone else

 

[rida]

I'm married; the sadist is married.

Hubby and the sadist know each other and have gone out together in a few occasions. They respect and like each other, independently from the fact that they share my services.

I would talk about Hubby, and he would talk about his wife. I share everything that has to do with me with Hubby, but try to keep in mind privacy when it comes to details that I'm told and have no effect on me. Everything I shared with the Sadist would be with the assumption that he could share it with the wife so I tried to keep in mind Hubby's privacy as well.

It worked well for us.

 

[wicked woman]

I've heard of all kinds of variations working...just as long as that's what the people involved agreed to.

My personal preference would be to be friends, or at least acquaintances, with all parties involved, but that's yet to happen, due to distance and one party's preference.

 

[rida]

My friend, R, thinks that me and Tim's girl talking is a bit ... odd. However, he is not married and his long-term relationship is with a woman who live really far away and they don't really get into details of who they date. And he understands of course that being married, my husband gets much more info. And so I figure that's why he thinks it's a bit odd that she and I talk.

Thoughts? Experiences? Funny stories about stubborn husbands who collapse at work because they get pneumonia?

For people that are not in a transparency situation, it does sound odd the level of information shared.

I don't think there is a right way and a wrong way, only the way that works best for the people involved. That is also why I make a point to state early on that Hubby knows everything that goes on with me. And I've had people not feel comfortable with it and bow out.

 

[asian_princess]

*rereads just to bathe in the happy that at least some are able to have polite and amiable communications with the "other"*