For the people home alone during Christmas period

[Guest]

A story by SpicyAngel:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=71729

What surprised me most was the strength of imagary I was getting from the story. Sure, commas sucked, but every sentence gave me electrical currency run through my frontal cortex.

Really funky set up, too.

I wonder if Garth was Spanish or Italian.

Anyway, got go. Back to the page two.

Merry Christmas to you all

 

[Guest]

Okay. He was a Spanish.

Dialogues gotta be seperated.

I'd prefered the idea of Garth re-visiting just for one day, but who cares. They got the twins and everyone's happy.

Oh, look a Puppie. Everyone sigh, now. ''Ah...''

 

[PaulX35]

A few comments

As it's not the author herself asking feedback, I will stick to a few general things. I sent personal feedback to SpiceyAngel, who btw has got quite an oeuvre already.

Very creative story. Not full blooded erotica maybe, but well conceived, so to speak

My main point of feedback was that I thought the story would gain from being condensed somewhat. Garth's miraculous return seems to be the main point, making much of what happens afterwards worth considering to skip, as it kind of makes you forget about how well it started.

I would have wanted to know why Garth was immortal, but some things you just don't tell. There is a certain danger then, that it will only serve as a deus ex machina, though.

Another nit-pick detail that struck me in the current set-up: a woman pregnant with twins flying over half the globe. I believe they're not allowed to fly on most commercial airlines

I'm surprised this story wasn't posted for the Holiday Story contest. Maybe it was, but if not, I think it should.

All in all, a very nice read. Thanks to ChilledVodka for drawing our attention to it.

Paul

 

[Guest]

Re: A few comments

oeuv... what?

as it kind of makes you forget about how well it started.

Good point. Page one was brill. Two and three weren't.

 

[PaulX35]

Sowwy

oeuv... what?

Sorry for the French, although my dictionary does state the word exists in English. Body of work?

Paul

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

This was a wonderful story, very emotional IMO. Thanks for the link, I loved it.
Wicked

 

[Guest]

Already dropped my kuddo's to Spicey

In a feedback......

But Spicey certainly deserves some recognition for a very imaginative and well done story.

And on a personal note...(she'll kill me for saying this). She's just experienced some personal grief as of late. So trust me folks......a word of kindess right now will go a long way.

I remain,

 

[Just_John1]

Great story!

Thanks for the heads up! Really enjoyed that one! I responded to Spicy in an Email but didn't really have the right words to say. When its time to talk I shut up when its time to be quiet I take the opportunity to say exactly the wrong things...

JJ1