For parents of daughters

[Sammyjo]

I have a 5 year old daughter. She has recently made friends with a neighborhood boy. Today, my dad found them locked in the bathroom together...ugh!!!

Now what?

I very calmly explained to her that boys and girls do NOT go to the bathroom together. And also about not letting people touch her vagina. I don't know if I did it right. Can someone please give me some guidance? Maybe I missed something.

I know this might be of little concern to some of you, but I am very concerned...

 

[Weird Harold]

Sounds to me like you handled just about right.

Just don't make a big deal about natural curiosity, and answer the questions, (verbal and implied by her actions,) as honestly as you can.

 

[Fallen Angel]

Well as the daddy to 4 daughters who I am still in the process of rasing or is it the other way around, I would have to say not to make too big a deal of it. As long as the little boy is just a friend and about the same age it isn't that big a deal but it is a warning. Tell her again that little boys and little girls just don't go to the bathroom together or sleep together in the same bed. It will happen again most likely just be patient and keep explaining that that is not the way things work that little boys and little girls don't do some things together. My 7 year old just the other night fell asleep with a little 8 year old boy and we left them till morning. If they had been awake and wanted to sleep together I would have said no but you just have to gauge each situtation as it arises. I find that it is easier to get the message across if you are consistent. It will confuse the issue and the kid if it is okay to do stuff with one person but not another. As I am sure you know little girls are as curious about the differences as little boys and there is nothing wrong with that but I don't go into much detail about it. We just try and explain things in a manner that fits with the child and their age even if that means saying that little boy's privates are different and that she will just have to wait to find out what and how. My older girls didn't ever ask me to explain and the littlest kept trying to peek in the bathroom and see till mom finally explained why daddy could pee standing up and she wasn't allowed to.

So just take a few deep breaths and relax you did fine. These things happen just watch and stop them the next time. It doesn't hurt to tell your little one that we don't do that with the little boy where he can hear too.

 

[Guest]

It sounds like you have some good advice so far. Just keep in mind, it's best to be open with your daughter than to close up. Like I mentioned in the "What did your parents tell you" thread, I never received any sex ed from my parents. Sex was, and is, something my mother just doesn't talk about. Because of that I turned to my peers for knowledge... I partially believe that my curiosity of and willingness to learn about sex is one of the reasons I was raped the summer before 9th grade. If you don't open up with your daughter, offer advice, and answer questions honestly then there's a good chance she'll seek it elsewhere.


~Tiggs~

P.S.
It's not only boys to watch
out for... My first sexual
experience was when I was 9,
and it was with a girl 2 years
older than me...

[Edited by Tiggs on 07-21-2000 at 07:14 PM]

 

[Roland Gilliad]

my sister used to do somthing along the same lines as that, but the only thing our mom told her was to not do it with me. lately my sisters daughter (my sister is 26 now and has a nice family) has been picking up a few things from my sister :wink wink: i got a crash course on what to do in this situation from a friend of mine who happens to be a psycologist
1. DO NOT repremand him/her
2. be calm and awanser any questions, i mean ANY questions to a certain extent.
3. tell them that its not healthy for them at this age and to wait till they grew up
4. unless your a commie show them the right way (at age 13 and no earlyer) to release that sexual tension.
5.every year after 13 tell them a littel and a little bit more about the subject every year then on their 18th birthday (not for the weak of heart) get her/him a stripper or a large collection of porno...trust me they will need it.
6. for those of you worried about collage, send them to college with a large case of condoms and tape them on the inside of cards as pale reminders. this will get the point of safe sex across.
now im no expert on this subject. but i told this to my sis and its worked so far for her.
and 7. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO "DO IT" WITH YOUR KID UNLESS YOU LIKE BEING IN JAIL, OR THEY FORCE YOU TO!

thank you for your time. Viva la resistance

 

[Endlessly]

A stripper and a big porn collection for their 18th birthday?

Dude.. And all I got was dinner at my favorite restaurant.

 

[Roland Gilliad]

you got ripped off. i got both!!

 

[Guest]

18th B-day...

I went out and bought my first LEGAL carton of Cigs! lol Then I went over to Iowa to the Adult Emporium. I think anyone within a 50-70 mi. radius goes there on their 18th b-day! (For those who don't know, it's an adult bookstore, not a strip club.)


~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/sd3/lise.gif

 

[Jeff726]

Tiggs will you take me there next year when I turn 21? I'd love watching (maybe even making) movies with you.

 

[Jeff726]

dammit

I went wayyyyyyyy off topic with that post. Sorry aboot that Sammyjo. (in my best Canadian voice)

As for what you did with your daughter, I think you handled it very well. If I catch any of my future children like that I will do the same thing. Good job!


Jeff

 

[Flagg]

4. unless your a commie show them the right way (at age 13 and no earlyer) to release that sexual tension.



If my parents had ushered me into the living room when I was thriteen to teach me how to jack off, I'd still be in a place where people wear white coats to this day.

What's the commie thing about? My dad is a marxist and spends his summer holidays at tantric sex weekends. Does that negate your theory? What is your theory anyway?

 

[Expertise]

LMAO at Flagg.

Your lineage fucks his theory but it potentialy explains a lot.

Just Kidding Flagg. That cracked me up!

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

You got it, I think SammyJo. You did the right thing. Brush it off in front of your daughter. "It's not something you should do" and then let it go. As you know kids hear everything, even if they're pretending that they don't, so she'll hear that, and without any sound of panic in your voice to make her think she's been bad.

 

[Sammyjo]

Thanks everyone...I appreciate hearing your responses. Sometimes I go overboard where my daughter is concerned, but it looks like someone else over-reacted this time. I guess I'm taking pride in the fact that I'm gaining more self-control where my daughter is concerned. I think that being able to confide in people is helping me control my temper...

 

[Skitten]

Sammyjo;
I have a seven year old daughter so I do know where you are coming from, but the most important thing to remember is to keep an open mind and don't jump to conclusions. She is 5 as you stated and little girls and little boys are curious that is part of growing up. Yes explaing that little boys and girls do not use the bathroom together is good to say and explaing that you don't let anyone touch you private parts is good too. But don't over emphasize what they did don't let her think that she was wrong remeber to keep an open mind at all times they are kids and are still learning about themselves as well as for making friends. Be helpful in any and all questions she asks you but don't give a lot of details that you feel she isn't ready for she is extremely young yet and as she gets older you can explain in more detail.

 

[Skibum]

Sometimes I go overboard where my daughter is concerned, but it looks like someone else over-reacted this time. I guess I'm taking pride in the fact that I'm gaining more self-control where my daughter is concerned. I think that being able to confide in people is helping me control my temper...

Sammyjo, there is no such thing as going overboard concerning your daughter. My kids are theonly thing that matters in the long run. Just keep on carihg for and loving her, and you won't go wrong.

 

[Shintani]

This reminds me of a T-shirt I saw...

A little boy and a little girl are standing in a bathtub together, and he's saying to her 'No you can't touch mine...you already broke yours off!'

 

[Guest]

~giggle~

Yeah, that is a cute shirt!!!

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Reminds me of a little childhood incident...

My best friend and I were about 5 and needed to go have a piss so anyway we have both dropped our dacks to do it and looked over at each other... and its like WTF!

He wasn't circumsized and I was... so we go in to our respepective parents and learn about circumsision at 5!


BTW.... sammy hope you are back soon

Da Chef

 

[Kamiyue2c]

Good reaction. Probably the best that could be done Sammy. Skitten is right about not going over board too.

I know that my wife & I will have much to discuss since we have two daughters, but there are plenty of web sites if they want to do some reading. There's even a web site just to teach kids (and adults if needed) how to self pleasure themselves. Better than all the stories I used to hear all the time.

e2c

 

[LadyChance]

Good Job Sammyjo!

I'll tell you having kids is hard, and the best way I have found to deal with a problem, is thinking how I would have wanted my parents handling the same problem with me. I think you did really good with talking to your daughter.

My daughter is fourteen now, but about two years ago I had to go with her to the Doctor's office. Her boyfriend of a year had talked her into trying somethings and had squirted on her leg. Now mind you not once did he penatrate her but boy was she scared. I let her be scared, I wanted her to know what she could get herself into with doing things she had been told not too. I didn't tell her she wasn't pregnant just from that, but since then any boy who has come around her has been told no even to kissing.

I talk to my daughter all the time she is my best friend and I am hers, but sometimes they still make their own mistakes and all's we can do as parents is sit back and support them.

I thank goddess my boys are to young yet to think about it. I can't always say us parents are right about everything, but if we think about how we would have liked our parents to deal with us. Then maybe somewhere in there we can find the answers we all look for at times.

Good Luck!