Flipping (top, bottom, switch?)

[Sandy_Fox]

I got a couple of friends that are lesbians. I still haven't completely figured out who's the Top in their relationship. I've see the "wife" standing there with her hands on her hips giving her "husband" a dressing down that would make a Drill Instructor flinch. Five minutes later her "hubby" will say something to her and the bottom lip pops out and down come the tears. Neither one of them is shy about touching each other and showing physical affection so I can't tell that way either. Whatever it is they got worked out it is ALL good though.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I got a couple of friends that are lesbians. I still haven't completely figured out who's the Top in their relationship. I've see the "wife" standing there with her hands on her hips giving her "husband" a dressing down that would make a Drill Instructor flinch. Five minutes later her "hubby" will say something to her and the bottom lip pops out and down come the tears. Neither one of them is shy about touching each other and showing physical affection so I can't tell that way either. Whatever it is they got worked out it is ALL good though.

That's because lesbian relationships-- even butch/femme ones-- don't operate by the rules you are looking for.

 

[Safe_Bet]

That's because lesbian relationships-- even butch/femme ones-- don't operate by the rules you are looking for.

Hell, MY relationship doesn't operate by the rules he is looking for.

All I really know is that if they are a really loving couple, I'm envious.

eta: I don't think you can LOOK and understand a relationship like that. Different dynamics for different situations.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Hell, MY relationship doesn't operate by the rules he is looking for.

All I really know is that they are a really loving couple. If anything I'm envious.

Whose does? Shoot, I can't even figure out what the rules I want are.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I think the truth is, we don't really have identities. We have identities in relation to other people. I think everyone subs for someone and everyone is at least one person's dom. That doesn't mean you have to call yourself a sub or a dom. It's just the way you feel towards that person.

The labels are screwed up. Do what you like to do and don't worry about what it's called. The labels are just to make things easy when we talk. They don't begin to describe the complexity of who we are, any more than saying someone's "cute" describes what they look like.

 

[Varian P]

I think the truth is, we don't really have identities. We have identities in relation to other people. I think everyone subs for someone and everyone is at least one person's dom. That doesn't mean you have to call yourself a sub or a dom. It's just the way you feel towards that person.

The labels are screwed up. Do what you like to do and don't worry about what it's called. The labels are just to make things easy when we talk. They don't begin to describe the complexity of who we are, any more than saying someone's "cute" describes what they look like.

Yes!

... and no.

I definitely have this flexibility in my relationships, from person to person, both on sexual and non-sexual levels.

But, while I can enjoy feeling more or less in control, depending on who I'm with, one of those roles does much more for me than the other(s). So, there's a fluidity to my identity/roles, but there's also a role to be embraced, which is, for some reason, at the heart of my erotic identity.

On the other hand, that 'role' doesn't fit in any depiction of dom/sub relationships I've ever encountered in fiction, and, frankly, I've never found the perfect fit in real life, either.

 

[matriarch]

It's not the top and bottom thing that is a load of bosh. It's the top versus bottom thing that is. It's not a dichotomy and there's not only two ways to be.

And another point. If you hang so much of your identity on how you relate sexually to a partner, that a top/bottom dilemma makes you think in terms of 'identity crisis', then you've haven't had much of an identity earlier either.

Indeed. You echoed what I was thinking.

As for change. Of course. Depends on you, your mood, the circumstances, the person, even the hormonal cycle. It would all be so very boring if you did it the same way every single time, no matter who you were with.

The experimentation is all part of the enormous fun.

 

[Vermilion]

I got a couple of friends that are lesbians. I still haven't completely figured out who's the Top in their relationship. I've see the "wife" standing there with her hands on her hips giving her "husband" a dressing down that would make a Drill Instructor flinch. Five minutes later her "hubby" will say something to her and the bottom lip pops out and down come the tears. Neither one of them is shy about touching each other and showing physical affection so I can't tell that way either. Whatever it is they got worked out it is ALL good though.

In the nicest possible way - what's your point? I'm female, married to a male, so far so traditional, but sometimes I do exactly as you described and give him a lambasting he'll never forget, sometimes I pout and get wobbly - hell, sometimes he does. Even whilst we have a very traditional relationship in many ways, the way that we relate is very fluid, including the sex.

x
V

ps- sounds like fun beig pregnant with a boy

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Thanks for all the insights and feedback. It's such a vast and confusing landscape to me. Somehow, though, when I'm making love, everything that can possibly feel right in this world does feel right. I don't question or doubt. I just feel. And, if the rest of my life were that simple and true, I would be the happiest woman on earth.

Merci mille fois pour tout, mes amies.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

My wife and I will switch during sex a few times in one given night.

Flexibility rocks.