Flippant Moments

[scheherazade_79]

We all have them - those times when we just think "fuck it" and do or say what the hell we want. Polite society discourages this kind of behaviour, but God damn, when I look back on my flippant moments I feel a surge of pride.

Here are some of my classiest moments of pure, unadulterated flippancy -

1. It was 6.30am in the Bronx. I was loading up my ex's car, because she'd just lost her job and the plot, and I was going to drive her back to Orlando. I parked in a reserved parking space outside a doctor's surgery, knowing that a) it was unlikely that anyone would be at work at that time, and b) I'd be gone in five minutes anyway. Suddenly a secretary arrived and started telling me off for parking there. She went on and on and on about how the doctor would be there in twenty minutes, how I had no right to park there etc. etc. The worst thing was that she didn't understand my accent, and kept saying "pardon" after everything I came out with. I ended up suggesting that when the doctor arrived, she have him check out her ears and give her a hearing test.

2. My uncle's a preacher, and he kicked up a huge fuss when he discovered that my sister wasn't going to baptise her new baby. I heard him out for so long, then had enough and told him he should be satisfied, because the name my sister had chosen for her kid meant "son of God" anyway.

3. I spent a day working as a waitress in conditions that resembled something out of a Charles Dickens novel. I got no end of stick from my fat old lady boss, then a farmer came in and told me I had no intelligence whatsoever - just because I made him a cup of tea without putting the milk in first. I simmered, and for a while it looked like I'd have a flippancy-free day... until the farmer returned and kicked up a fuss over the fact that his table was dirty. He dragged his finger across the surface, then lifted it to reveal a single grain of sugar. I ended up pouring a cup of tea over his head, then quitting seconds before I got fired.

4. When I was teaching I had a kid swear at me, then refuse to leave the room. I responded by picking up his coat, bag, books and pencil case, opening the door, then hurling them about twenty metres up the corridor. He was too stunned to move, so I dragged his chair with him sitting on it and shunted him out of the room. The kid has a habit of wanking off in my class, so as soon as he was outside I made a point of wiping down the door handle with disinfectant wipes.


I hope I have a lot more moments like these to come

What are your most flippant moments, and do you feel proud of them?

Scheherazade

 

[cloudy]

I got into a disagreement with my boss once, after a long history of such disagreements. She was a psycho of the worst order, would tell me to do something a certain way, and then weeks later question me why I was doing it like that. When I'd reply that she'd told me to do it that way, her reply was always, "So, you're blaming it on me now?"

Anyway, I'd had enough, and during yet another disagreement in my office in the back of the store (I was the store manager), I shed my professional demeanor for once, and just said, "You know what? I quit" and handed her my keys.

She told me I couldn't quit like that, and then thought she would stand in front of the door of the office so that I couldn't leave.

I let the redneck in me emerge for a frightening few seconds, and since I was a good bit bigger than she was, the widening of her eyes was very satisfiying when I told her that she had about three seconds to "get the fuck out of my way."



She moved.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Cloudy... RESPECT! Good for you! And I bet you feel thoroughly proud of it, as you should

 

[Boota]

These examples are kind of mild versions of how I live every day. LOL.

I was working at a juvnile detention center once and it was horrible. The inmates ran the asylum. We were targets for these little bastards and not allowed to do anything back to them. And they knew it. I had decided to turn in my notice.

That night the main boss came to me and was mad because I hadn't turned in a single report since I'd been there. You were supposed to fill out a report once a month on each and every kid in the place. Since I decided to quit I also decided to tell the truth on the report.

On one kid, who liked to draw play money and pretend to be a drug dealer, I wrote, "Oliver really wants to be a scumbag when he grows up. I think he'll make it."

A really violent kid: "They invented the gas chamber for people like Greg."

The dorm punk and troublemaker: "Michael will make an excellent prison bitch some day."

I also said good things about the good kids, but they ignored that part. I was fired, thereby saving me two weeks of hell before resigning. I found out later that they still use my report in classes as an example of what not to do.

 

[oggbashan]

1. My personnel department, based in Central London, as I was, told me that I couldn't recruit staff without them. I wanted a Secretary for an Engineer working in NE England. The personnel department told me that they couldn't have anyone available to travel to the NE for a month.

I told them that was operationally unacceptable. They wouldn't move their position. I recruited a secretary in NE England and defied them to object. They didn't.

Next time, a fortnight later, that I wanted to recruit someone the vacancy was in Birmingham. As I had already set a precedent I was allowed to recruit.

The next vacancy was in a London suburb. I recruited and received formal permission to recruit anywhere 'except in Central London'.

Their official definition of 'Central London' ended 200 yards beyond my office building. Whenever I wanted a recruit for Central London I borrowed an office 250 yards away and appointed the new recruit to that office for their first day before transferring them into 'Central London'. I got away with it for 14 years and I was making money for my department by offering a fast and efficient recruiting system for other departments. One year I recruited 5 more staff than the official personnel department could manage.

2. I was appointed to 'sort out financial management' by the Director of the organisation. It took a long time and he had left before I finished. His successor was happy for me to continue my work. Her successor didn't want the job done and made me redundant but too late - I had redesigned the whole accounting system and it had been computerised to my design. They could not avoid the reports the system spewed out showing what was wrong with their financial management.

10 years after I left the accountants and programmers still hadn't been able to 'un-fix' what I had fixed.

Og

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I worked in a resort type rustic hotel for years until I was about eight months pregnant with my son. Every year I'd worked there, this trucking company booked half of the hotel rooms and a banquet room for their Christmas Party. Every year they came and the owners complained about everything, yet their group partied so hard they disrupted the entire hotel. We always lost money over them.

So, my very last night before I went on maternity leave forever, sure enough, that group was booked into the hotel. That particular year, they were totally out of control, harassing the servers and tearing up the lobby. One guy even puked on the service bar.

When the owner of the trucking company called up to the desk to complain about some of the accommodations, I let her have it, telling her I was sick of them behaving like teenagers at a keg party. She threw a fit, telling me I was lying to her, etc., then she had the nerve to ask about making next years reservations. I told her nothing was available and that she should book somewhere else. She started screaming and swearing at me and I politely said "Merry Christmas, fuck you, have a nice day."

She came down to the desk to yell at me, but by then the county police were sitting in the lobby with me. It didn't look very good when she came around the corner and started yelling at a pregnant woman right in front of the cops and a bunch of other guests.

 

[TheEarl]

4. When I was teaching I had a kid swear at me, then refuse to leave the room. I responded by picking up his coat, bag, books and pencil case, opening the door, then hurling them about twenty metres up the corridor. He was too stunned to move, so I dragged his chair with him sitting on it and shunted him out of the room. The kid has a habit of wanking off in my class, so as soon as he was outside I made a point of wiping down the door handle with disinfectant wipes.

You know already that, if I thought you'd accept, I'd propose to you for doing that.

The Earl

 

[CharleyH]

These examples are kind of mild versions of how I live every day. LOL.

LOL, I BELIEVE IT. Beautiful, Boota.

Me well, I have done my thing similarly, but I am a tad rebellious by nature. Highlights are too complicated so I will give the fun stuff:

1) Grade 8 to teacher who asked me to shut up and turn around: I am helping someone. It's more than you do. (ended up in an expel)

2) Grade 11 to teacher that told me I put up my hand to go to bathroom and came back with food: "Actually, I asked to be excused, I was hungry."
Teacher resonse: "you're not allowed to eat in my classrom"
Me: "Funny, since there are cookies and coffee on your desk."

Expelled 5 days for a section 11: persistant oposition to authority, apparently.

3) In a store and a change room with GF:

Sales Clerk: "How is it?"

Me:"Damn good."

 

[Just-Legal]

I think my best was definately my last day in my old job.

Boss: Is there anything you'd like to add to your leaver's form?

Me: *hands over medical report from Dr saying I had exhaustion and stress, and should be on medical leave for next six months* Yep. What's about to happen to most [Company name] staff. And this is on top of the report you filed saying I was lazy.

Best part? She interviewed me with the door open, which she wasn't supposed to do, next to an office containing a store manager, deputy, and Area Manager.

Recieved a letter a week later from HO saying "thank you for your input", and a tagline from a guy in Personell I got on with pretty well saying "God, you've got balls babe"

*grins*

 

[oggbashan]

I returned to a school after two years away in Australia.

I went to all my classes except I 'forgot' to go to any Phys Ed. My priorities were different. I had too much work to catch up where the curriculum was unfamiliar e.g. different Shakespeare plays, foreign lit texts etc.

At the end of the first term I got a B+ for the Phys Ed classes I hadn't attended. Years later I asked why.

Answer: If I was good enough not to be noticed as bad and yet not good enough to get an A, I must have been competent (or missing!).

No one else had ever dared to miss a Phys Ed class without a doctor's note.

Og

 

[BlackShanglan]

Addressing the second-highest-ranking official in my institution at a public meeting with a sentence beginning with, "I'm sorry, are you seriously telling me that ... <describes his insane theory in blunt terms>"

He knew it was coming. He'd met my eyes and found someone else to answer about a dozen times already. The wonderful thing was my direct supervisor following up his weaselling attempt to justify his claims by asking, "But aren't you just saying you hope the money will suddenly come from somewhere?"

I really do love that man.

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

persistant oposition to authority, apparently.

you are the est.

 

[yui]

I'm pretty tame comparatively speaking. The worst and most consistent thing I do is bow prettily and say softly in my sweetest voice, "Fuck you. Fuck you very much." With my accent and enunciation it sounds like "Thank you. Thank you very much." A small thing, but it allows me to vent.

 

[maggot420]

police officer: Do you know how fast you were going? I've been waiting for you all day.
maggot: I got here as fast as I could.

 

[Guest]

I'm pretty tame comparatively speaking. The worst and most consistent thing I do is bow prettily and say softly in my sweetest voice, "Fuck you. Fuck you very much." With my accent and enunciation it sounds like "Thank you. Thank you very much." A small thing, but it allows me to vent.

Another reason for us to love you.