Flip the Switch - new incest story

[MagicWand]

I would like to encourage discussion on my latest story about a brother and sister that switch bodies. I have several other stories in a similar genere. One where a daughter and mother switch bodies, one where the girl can change into someone else, another story is about the professor that invents a body switching machine and finally a really twisted story about Dr. Frankenstien changing a brother into a woman to revenge a rape murder.

I like to call this group of stories Twisted Tales of Incest. I try to think of unusual plots that "force" the subject into an incest situation and explore how they give into to this most forbidden taboo.

I would be interested in hearing what you readers think of my various twisted plots and also interested to hear any other twisted ideas for future plots.
Regards,
MagicWand

 

[Varian P]

Here's the link to the story:

Flip the Switch

 

[Varian P]

Hi MagicWand.

Conceptually, Flip the Switch is fascinating, and really rich territory for a fun, creepy exploration of all kinds of things. On a sexual/erotic level, there's something incredibly compelling and scary about the idea of suddenly inhabiting a body of the opposite sex, and the thought of doing so, and then fucking one's own former body is mindblowing.

The initial sexual encounter reminded me of the (ultimately much darker) idea behind the 'squid' in Strange Days, where a woman is hooked up to a device so that she and her rapist both experience the thoughts, emotions, and sensations of the other.

Though I am sure that the incest thing does add some bit of frisson, given the intensity of the psychological and emotional terrain you're exploring with the body switching, I personally felt like the incest aspect was almost superfluous. What is normally the 'ultimate' taboo becomes nearly trivial in comparison to the level of vulnerability, power, violation, etc., inherent in the body-switching scenario. It felt to me like you were trying to do too much within the confines of this short story, and the real core themes didn't get as fully developed as I'd have liked.

My main criticism follows from that. I love the idea, but the writing felt light and rushed. I realize it's a fantasy piece, that it's meant to titillate, but I still think the story would work much better if there was a bit more realism to it. The characters' reactions are unbelievable--they both would be far more freaked out. Beyond that, I'd liked to have seen a lot more of their emotional and psychological reactions before and during the sex.

A secondary but important point: the prose needs a lot of tightening up. There are a lot of spelling, grammar, and word choice errors that make it a rather tough read.

Stylistically, one thing troubled me throughout the piece: referring to body parts as "the cock" or "the pussy." I'm guessing you did that because when their bodies are switched, it isn't quite his pussy, or hers. But I think it would work better to have them each struggle through how they think of these borrowed body parts, and come up with how they think of them. It could even work, letting the reader feel the confusion the characters are experiencing, if you use phrases like "his pussy" and "her cock."

Again, kudos for an inventive idea. I think if you took the time to really craft, it could be a fabulous story.

-Varian

 

[MagicWand]

thank you

Varian,
Thank you for your insightful critic. I do not portend to be an author, but hopefully with good constructive criticizm like yours I will improve. My stories are generally rushed because I get a plot idea and it is the story that drives me to type rather than the prose.

A real author would take the time to choose his words carefully and fully develop charactors. I love Stephen King, but I could not contemplate writing anything longer than a page or two.

I got into this because I found most incest stories silly and unbelieveable. I wanted to explore different ways that "innocent" or "accidental" incest could come about. I have tried a mind control, rape, sci-fi and accidental approaches.

Anyway....with me it's all about the plot. Some day, when I have the ability to really devout some time, I will redo these stories and make them as interesting as you suggest.
Thanks again.
MagicWand

 

[ninefe2dg]

Enjoyed the read...

Last time I saw this gag, some psychiatrist was trying to switch Bugs Bunny and a chicken. Of course Bugs rigs it so the psychiatrist and the chicken switch...that crazy Bugs...

I think your concept was much more entertaining! It raised some interesting questions/dilemmas. And of course gave a whole new meaning to "go fuck yourself"! I know if I was a woman for 24 hours I'd spend most of it in the shower soaping up my tits. I'm sure if you already have a pair that gets old, maybe that's just me.

Not sure I'm convinced Josh would have gone through a roll in the hay with Ross as a girl. It seemed as he was getting along with Sophie as a guy, that he was "getting back" at her for no reason. So, even in the realm of the already "suspended disbelief", that was still a little hard to accept.

Unexpected twists are always fun. For example, Ross, the geek, comes fast...perhaps a bit stereotypically for a virgin geek. Maybe, you have him go "forever", with Josh thinking (knowing he's a stud in "male life")...wow, even I came quick MY first time)...little stuff like that to me adds texture to a story...

You may want to find an editor to help out with spelling/punctuation. Getting that right makes the story much more polished. I hate to think I'm a "stickler", but it can be distracting. (And before anyone jumps on that comment by playing the e e cummings card, I'm sure if someone pulled "e e" aside and said that no one would read his poems if he didn't start using capital letters, he might have made some adjustments.)

If you're inclined to rewrite this at all, it might be interesting to spend more time on what Sophie and Josh were sensing/feeling. I know you do some of that already, but you could perhaps cut down on the actual number of sex scenes and focus more on what I'm sure would be a mindblowing experience for both.

Clever idea!