FLASH FICTION: How is it done? When does it work well?

[Pure]

Now that the winners are announced, they and four others have kindly agreed to have their stories discussed. We must also thank Liar for his efforts in setting up the competion.

Let us respect these efforts: critique, yes; unexplicated slams, no.

Read them at
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=417725

The winners
Mistress Jett--- Bumblefuck Cat Toss
Honey123----- Dining Out
Ted E Bare---- Desert Girl
Cheerful Deviant--Fries
---
others who have graciously consented, to have their fine efforts discussed are
Kev H.----- First Job
Belegon--- Freezer Burn
Selena K--- The Roof
Impressive-- Have it your way.

----
I think these 8 are a sufficient group for this thread, at present, though perhaps a round two, with other notable entries could be set up.

Questions:
1. Which of these 'work'? Which did you most enjoy and why?
2. Can we say some are 'stories' and others simply scenes or vignettes?
By 'story' I mean to suggest characteristics including the following, which regard sequence and structure: 'build up' or 'tension,' then some type of crisis or turning point, followed by some sort of resolution, or place that feels like a good stopping point.

3. How did the authors make the piece work? In particular:

4. Discuss word choice, economy, and conciseness-- how handled?

5. Given the word limits, a)how is character conveyed?
b) How is 'back story' (preceding events) set out or suggested?

---
I have a general comment on the word-limit issue. I've spoken with Rumple and looked at some published 'stories,' and I believe we agree that perhaps 1000 words is more conducive to success. (Though some smaller ones succeed admirably).

 

[Honey123]

Pure I am posting so I can subscribe to it...and post responses as needed.

I agree with you and Rumpy about word count, but for this particular challenge the word count was sufficient for it's "flash erotica" idea and agreed upon by the authors who were entering their "flashes"..

I enjoyed this challenge since I have been having a block of sorts and being able to just get out pieces of erotica helps me.

 

[MissBri]

 

[Belegon]

On my piece, I was trying to get as short as I could and still be satisfied with it. I found it difficult to say the least...

 

[impressive]

I'd never realised how difficult it is to write an entire story in so few words, even one as silly as mine.

I must be perverse ... 'cause I really enjoy doing flash prose. It's kind of like poetry in that you gotta make every word count.

Will get to the critiques shortly. Thanks, Pure, for taking the initiative to set up the thread.

 

[Guest]

I'm with Imp. I like the short format. It forces me to identify unnecessary plot offshoots and irrelevant character development aspects.

I wrote on the Snippettsville Project (in another lifetime; under a different name) and that disipline made it easier to write this story.

 

[Liar]

For this contest, I was actually tempted to go with an even shorter maximum word length. Something like 200 words. Because if you look at those stories entered, most of them are wtitten just like longer stories in structure, language and disposition. Only compressed.

I think the idea of flash fiction is to focus the writing to just one detail of a bigger picture, and to let the reader paint the picture around it. They should contain a whole story (if you read between the lines), but perhaps read and look more like a vignette.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

as to your last sentence, mab, that's an empirical question, isn't it? why don't we ask these flash writers about the effects if any, good or bad, on their writing?

i do know that some writers' [Hemingway's?]experience in journalism seems not to have hurt them, since conciseness, clarity, and getting to the point are stressed.

best,
J.


----

dr. m said,
I don't want to be a wet blanket, but I tend to stay away from these kinds of things generally. To me, they're not as much about writing as they are about pulling stunts, on a par with "write a story without using the letter 'E'," or "write a story without using any visuals." It can be done, and I guess it can be educational, but the result is rarely a quality piece of writing.

I guess concision is a virtue, but I've never really understood it as a literary goal. I dislike most writing exercises in general bcause it always seemed to me that writing a story is the only kind of exercise that really matters, and you should be free to do whatever you need to do to make the story work.

I just finished writing a series of entries for some guy's sex blog for money. I did 50 or so of them, and each one had to be between 250 and 300 words long. I got the form down, but it resulted in a style that's brief and kind of rushed and breathless, like writing in newspaper headlinese. I didn't like it and so I quit because I was afraid it would become a habit. (Well, I quite because he wasn't paying much either.)

Anyhow, that's just me. I'm glad you guys had fun and all, but I just wonder about the value of something like this when you apply it to the problems of story writing.

 

[champagne1982]

<snip> I'm glad you guys had fun and all, but I just wonder about the value of something like this when you apply it to the problems of story writing.

It's my thought that flash fiction helps with your vocabulary and grammar. These details are forced into your writing through the neccessity of being concise. In other words, cut out the adjectives and adverbs within the vignette and cut to the bone in an original way.

That's value.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I guess concision is a virtue, but I've never really understood it as a literary goal. I dislike most writing exercises in general bcause it always seemed to me that writing a story is the only kind of exercise that really matters, and you should be free to do whatever you need to do to make the story work.

I think trying new things just makes you grow as a writer... anyone can get stuck in a rut... exercises can shake that up, sometimes... force you to think and move (and write) outside the box...

that said, it is helpful to know who you are, as a writer, and do what you do best... but sometimes exercises like these can help someone explore different aspects that they may not have considered... or push them to limits they were afraid to cross...

I don't know if this particular writing exercise did that for me. <shrug> I guess I just did it for fun... just to see if I could... but I'm in a very experimental kind of place right now, and don't want to settle on any one thing...

 

[J.Q. Hack]

Flash Fiction

After reading the entries in this contest and doing a little reading about flash fiction on the web I've become intrigued by this form of writing. Given the restricted length of the story it definitely forces the writer to pay more attention to word choice and how the different aspects of the story are formed and related to each other. As with any writing form there will be fans and detractors. I think one common complaint would be it needs more detail or it could be longer. Wouldn't that be true of anything that is written? Who hasn't read a novel or short story and just thought I want more and dreamed of the possible future plot and story lines? That will go with flash fiction too -- but I think as readers they have to see that even though they might want more the story they just read is a fully formed story with all the constituent parts of a story.

I know Literotica's formal policy is that they do not publish flash fiction, but their minimum story length is 750 words which is well within the definitions of flash fiction I've read. I think as more people became aware of and comfortable with this type of writing we'll see more short-shorts on this website. I for one want to definitely try my hand at a few stories at about a 1,000 words. I hope to have some published on here shortly.

J.Q.

 

[Pure]

Some comments mainly on two (Bumblefuck; Desert Girl)

Just to get the ball rolling for the shy critics. I won't try to entice the COs like our good dr. Please note the following is a subjective account, based on my tastes. Objective merit is not possible for me to weigh.

Bumblefuck:

Well, its name indicates a kind of joke, and, in a way the essence of the story. Either the author wants us to think it's fantasy or we accept that
Bumblefuck is the narrator's nickname for the place.

The set up for a story is definitely there; the meat-prep job, and the early introduction of the cats. The description of her is nicely set up and I like the phrase 'fuck me boots.' Also it indicates why he might be doing the sex, i.e., to defuse her a bit.

The sex scene sort of happens, and that's maybe how it is in the narrator's life. I wonder why it says "it sounded like she was getting into it." The girls enthusiasm and involvement seem real. The sex, however, is definitely covered discreetly.

The Bumblefuck Cat Toss again sound like the narrator's mythologizing of the event. It is nicely done how the second cat gets involved, one of those comedic--things keep on going wrong, toward greater disaster--routines.

The roommate's response is excellent and says a lot.
---
In all, one does have a sense of the main character, through his acts. There is no description of him; the description of the girl is done unobstrusively. He's a hardworking Joe, snarled up in life's complications, job, girlfriend, roommate, email.

The feel is of an account of a humorous incident. There are changes, but external. I'm not entirely clear why the gf rejects him, but perhaps it's because he's a bumbler or perhaps it was coming anyway.

Overall, it's a tightly written, incident account with enough of one character at least. Lots of imagination regarding the events and their bizarre unfolding.

========

Desert Girl

This has one of the best 'story' feels of any of them. The writing device is the 'thirty five years' ago thing, which I think works.

The writing is sparse, and moves things along nicely. Both characters emerge well, and their emotions get conveyed, esp. through action. As a reader I'm drawn to feel a number of emotions like loss, wistfulness, lust, etc.

The phrasing of 'I need to feel alive' is not quite fresh enough for me, but the point is plausible.

Perhaps it's male fantasy, but the 'fuck me now, woo me later' is an appealing female stratagem (to read about or encounter), which does exist, in my experience, and here there is some rationale (plausibility).

It might be noted that the 'fast food' connection is perhaps least in this story, of all of them, and not all that prominent in Bumblefuck. A great many other writers got into the suck/fuck in Mc Donald's kitchen thing.
The pitfalls of assigning a theme, and the authors' getting into it without lots of thought as to how to distinguish their stories from others.

Both these stories have scarcely an extra or trite adjective, one of my bete noirs.

======
'Fries,' by Cheerful Deviant has a degree of success in standing out from the other highly 'fast food' related stories. The opening about the french fry is clever.

It is marred by the early line about Kathy being a lesbian, and the one about Bethany having a secret curiosity. That is too direct for me. Kathy could have just made a remark about cock, tongue or pussy, and we'd get it. The other 's response of 'prove it,' tells me that she's curious. intense pleasure that was unlike anything she had ever felt. tells a bit too much, imo.

The ending is neat, coming full circle.

The lesbian sequence is a different from the others, and hot because it's so direct, but it's somewhat predictable. (Bumblefuck is perhaps the least predictable, perhaps why it was so appealing to many.)

----
Overall.

The challenge of length was hard for most, and I'm tempted to think a greater length would allow more story, e.g 900 or 1000 words. But it can be said, that most stories besides the two main ones I discussed, had excess baggage in their descriptions ("Kathy's talented tongue" being one example, from "Fries").

I think the two stories I've mainly discussed at the most obvious successes, but I have not read every one of the original entries, merely 6-8, mostly the winners. Others are worth discussing, I'm sure, and I hope others will write about them, esp. ones they liked.

As to the question of the essence of 'flash' and whether it's a story, I think the story has to be implied, if it's not there. A simple scene, no matter how excellent, if described straightforwardly, is not going to have those implications. This problem--in my view-- can be seen in Honey's well written entry. Further, I think coming up with a prize winning scene is *extremely difficult* since it's going to have to be so original. Even with Honey's descriptive skills, the routine sequencing and destination with no detours counts against its being a complete success, in my opinion. "Eating at the Y," the humor, comes a bit too late.

I want to thank all who graciously offered up their hard work for comment! I hope others will join.

 

[Pure]

Honey, continued,

Honey opted for the I/you set up, which is hard to bring off, but did pretty well at it.

The problem, is the action, as already stated. What is going to distinguish this from one million other treks up the silken road. OK it's oral, performed man on woman, her standing. Not the easiest.

The feeling is very sensuous, even loving. This reader is a little bit stirred. There are some nice phrases like 'your wetness floods my mouth.' Some others are too stock--"engorged clit."

It's worth noting that the 'fast food' is only metaphorical, and so honey, in avoiding getting into McDonalds, etc.--an avoidance shown in Ted E and Jett-- managed to have a winning entry. Fruitfully, she worked at the periphery of what was asked.

For those who view flash fiction as 'scene', this is an example which works reasonably well as that. It could be part of a story. Personally, I find that this scene, on its own, implies very little; it's not a 'pregnant' or 'suggestive' scene. The characters are simply avid, if tender, lovemakers. So I'm unconvinced, with this example, if the 'pure scene approach' is the way to go.

Good work, honey!

 

[Guest]

Thank you Pure.

I was trying to use fast food as a metaphor for a dead end job. I know that isn't fair; good careers can be built with some of these companies.

And they are excellent first jobs for teens as they are structured. considered another story about a young man losing his virginity to a fast food co-worker.

This story was based on a temptation I had in 1979 while eating at a diner in Bakersfield, CA, to ask my cute server if she wanted a free ride to L.A. or San Francisco--where I was bound. Bakersfield, at least the part by I-10 seemed pretty dead end. Arrogant of me. I have relatives that have forged good lives in even more dead end places. To them, it is home.

But I've remembered her, and wondered what she might have answered...

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Bumblefuck

This is an intriguing flash fiction story because, IMHO, it violates one of those "rules" of writing, and does so to the benefit of the story.

The first paragraph has little to do with the main story except to explain the source of the smell that attracts the kittens. In a form where every word is vital, that's a big slug of introductory material. BUT, Jett used the words well, making the scene and the character so interesting, readers continued on to the "real" story and made it the winner.

The last time I worked in a restaurant, it was a truck stop in Bumblefuck, Ohio. They sold a lot of hamburgers. And I do mean a lot - part of my job as prep cook was to take twenty pound blocks of ground beef and turn them into piles of quarter pound patties. I had to do this damn near daily, and I had to do it quickly. There were other tasks to be accomplished, ya know? So I'd often make a mess of things and end up leaving at the end of the day, worn out and conquered by the food, with scraps of meat clinging to the tread of my boots. My roommate's kittens loved me. They'd curl themselves around my boots, kicking and fighting to pick out the tiny bits of beef. Thinking back, that was pretty disgusting. But the cats were happy.

Mechanically, my only fuss with the story was not being certain if the protag/narrator and the roommate were male or female.

==

Desert Girl

This was my choice. Heck, I even thought it was better than mine. Of course, so did everyone else.

There's little I can add to Pure's critique. There are a few mechanical gliches but the writing is solid and the story has a satisfying, complete, feel. With a little tinkering and expansion (1000 words is the usual flash max) this would make a good story to submit for publication.

(one hint for all flash fiction writers, hyphenated words count as one.)

A backhoe was filling in a grave. A young woman watched, then walked to a beat up (BEAT-UP) car parked near mine.

==

First Job Interview

Kev's tale of sexual harrassement is another good "story." However, and IMHO, the racial overtones may hurt it's marketability.

The dialogue rings true, but may be a bit thick in some places which could interfer with reading. For flash fiction, the characterization of the slime-ball manager is well done.

There's one mechanical slip-up I can't resist picking on.

He watched her eyes (GAZE - eyes should stay in a character's head) fall to the skirt that covered her lap. Her hennaed bangs hid her girlish features as she was surely hiding her dismay.

==

Fries

CD managed to create a full story and a classice bit of stroke fiction in just 500 words. Except for an indefinite pronoun in the fourth paragraph, (“Bitch.” She muttered...) the mechanics were smooth. However, there were a few spots where the writing could have been a bit tighter, for instance:

A beep from the headset Bethany was wearing told her that there was a customer at the drive thru. 19 words

A beep from Bethany’s headset warned her a customer was at the drive-thru. 13 words

==

IMHO, that's enough alienation of my betters for the time being. I'll give them time to defend themselves if they deign to stoop so low, then pick on some more innocent writers.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Honey123]

As to the question of the essence of 'flash' and whether it's a story, I think the story has to be implied, if it's not there. A simple scene, no matter how excellent, if described straightforwardly, is not going to have those implications. This problem--in my view-- can be seen in Honey's well written entry. Further, I think coming up with a prize winning scene is *extremely difficult* since it's going to have to be so original. Even with Honey's descriptive skills, the routine sequencing and destination with no detours counts against its being a complete success, in my opinion. "Eating at the Y," the humor, comes a bit too late.

Honey opted for the I/you set up, which is hard to bring off, but did pretty well at it.

The problem, is the action, as already stated. What is going to distinguish this from one million other treks up the silken road. OK it's oral, performed man on woman, her standing. Not the easiest.

The feeling is very sensuous, even loving. This reader is a little bit stirred. There are some nice phrases like 'your wetness floods my mouth.' Some others are too stock--"engorged clit."

It's worth noting that the 'fast food' is only metaphorical, and so honey, in avoiding getting into McDonalds, etc.--an avoidance shown in Ted E and Jett-- managed to have a winning entry. Fruitfully, she worked at the periphery of what was asked.

For those who view flash fiction as 'scene', this is an example which works reasonably well as that. It could be part of a story. Personally, I find that this scene, on its own, implies very little; it's not a 'pregnant' or 'suggestive' scene. The characters are simply avid, if tender, lovemakers. So I'm unconvinced, with this example, if the 'pure scene approach' is the way to go.

Good work, honey!

It's funny...the flash fiction was actual a lesbian scene...but I am glad that you got a different thought. That's what it's all about, right? Putting yourself into the scene?

I wanted to write something that was sexual. I never thought about getting into a story. It was a flash erotic-type moment. One moment....a thought....a fantasy....

I wanted to reader to feel it, perhaps even put themselves into that moment.

The humor at the end was purposeful. I really didn't want to give that away right away. I could have used cheesey things like calling it a taco dinner...and such, but I was looking to be sensual.

Thank you for your comments and I appreciate all thoughts to what I wrote and how I can improve.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I wanted to write something that was sexual. I never thought about getting into a story. It was a flash erotic-type moment. One moment....a thought....a fantasy....

That's how I thought of it, too... but I didn't/don't have much experience with flash fiction...