Fizzle to sizzle

[Lazarus]

I posted a story recently and it seems to be fizzling. Is there anyone out there willing to help edit to make it sizzle?

Here is the story link http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=171929

It is the beginning of a series of memoires I want to write and without the first one working...why bother? It is something that fills me with passion and fond memories when I recall it but seems to lose something in the writing. I would love to have the help or advice of anyone who would like to help.

I just received a rather cruel feedback that really makes me realize, its not there yet.

Laz

PS some things you'll need to know: the story is first person, threesome (mmf) in the group sex category. I typically write in the erotic couplings genre or group sex; I will not be writing anything gay or non consent.

 

[Boadicea]

I read your story, and the only problem I found is a number of typos and spelling mistakes.

Don't let negative feedback get you down. For every idiot who sends you a bad review, I can guarantee there's at least a hundred who liked your work and didn't bother to send you any feedback. I've gotten my fair share of nasty comments, and the critiques are usually over something trivial, like the length of the story, for example. In my experience, the people who send harsh feedback either have no sense of humour, or fancy themselves intellectuals. As a result, they'll over analyse the work until the meaning, and the pleasure is lost. Ignore these people. The nasty reviews are rarely the intelligent ones.

 

[Lazarus]

Thanks for the kind words. I'm thinking another eye might not hurt though. I tend to get a little caught up in the story as I write it then... well the mind works way faster than the fingers.

Laz

 

[Life_Isa_Fantasy]

Hi there

There are some punctuation and grammer errors, but for the most part I think it’s just missing the adjectives to convey your true feelings. I think you shouldn't just state the facts, but really describe it to us, so we can paint a picture in our minds. Readers need to be able to put themselves into the story to really like it.
It’s just my humble opinion and I’m certainly no professional. But I believe that being a bit more descriptive would give you the punch you’re looking for. Compare the following two sentences and you’ll see what I mean.

The boy ran up the hill and he got really tired… or

The little boy raced furiously up the steep hill, until he was to exhausted to go on.

Good luck and hang in there! I'd be happy to help edit if you still think you need it.

Man is so made that when something fires his soul, all things become possible.