fisrt story

[sport]

This was my first story and just wanted some feed back on it. The story is under loving wifes, One Hot Texas Night. Please give me some feed back on it.

 

[mskittykatt]

Hello and Well Met Sport,
it is helpful to add a link to your story and/or bio when requesting feedback.
here's the link

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=34034

P.S. aren't you proud of me Eve? this kitty can be taught new tricks (((grin)))

 

[mskittykatt]

hello and well met Sport,
i just finished reading your story and would like to thank you for sharing these experiances with us.
i think it may work much better for you to write from a different point of view. i finished reading feeling like i was listening in on someone's phone conversation or locker room talk.
it would also help immensly to fill in more of your lovemaking, perhaps the eagerness she felt waking you up every night sucking your cock. Take us there with your words, what did she do, exactly while she was sucking your cock, what did you think, feel, do? did you thrust at her mouth, did you moan in your pleasure?
i like how you showed her as a real person, a mother a wife as well as a sexual being. i would like to have heard something more about how you felt exploring this new aspect of your relationship at the end of the story.

 

[sport]

thanks for the reply

I think you for the reply, I understand what you mean. It was my first story and really wanted people to like it. I now know it could have been better. I hope the next one is better and you will reply to tell me.