First two stories posted

[SixtyMinuteMan]

... and I'm looking for feedback. They just went up tonight so I should probably use a little patience, but it turns out I don't have any.

I have a lot of stories. Some true, some not, a lot that are somewhere in between. Friends have been bugging me to put them out there for people to read, so, well, here we are.

Help me out, good people of Literotica. Are these two good enough to make you want more? Are they too long, maybe?

Can't remember the last time I was nervous like this. Strange thing, posting pieces of your sex life and sexual fantasies. Hope some of you like them.

Edit: Having now read Laurel's sticky, I'll add that one of the stories is called "Commander Rainey" and is in the Erotic Couplings category, the other is "Wedding Party" in Group Sex. And this handle is also my Author name.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=485943&page=submissions

 

[driphoney]

I loved the first story! Oh, let me count the ways ...

Military. Love a military story. Especially done well.

Fantastic dialogue. Wow.

You had a great voice.

God, I'm throwing away my pen and going back to reading ... who'm I kidding?

Seriously. I liked it.

I gotta get off here. I'll go vote and give you some glowing review tomorrow (if I ever get my eyes open! What am I thinking? 2am??? )

 

[SixtyMinuteMan]

Thank you SO much. Awesome. I'm very glad you liked it.

 

[fiammetta]

wow

Commander Rainey
This was fantastic. I don't really know some of the military terminology, so I was a tiny bit confused by it, but the rest of the story was amazing. The dialogue was great, and I liked the balance of sexual submissiveness and dominance.

 

[SixtyMinuteMan]

Commander Rainey
This was fantastic. I don't really know some of the military terminology, so I was a tiny bit confused by it, but the rest of the story was amazing. The dialogue was great, and I liked the balance of sexual submissiveness and dominance.

Thanks for the feedback, and glad you liked it.

Yeah, maybe I should try to work in some clarification when I put up the rest of the stories from my service days. Believe it or not, I actually purged the story of a lot of military lingo, but there's that balance between making it accessible and bleeding out all the color.

I'll see what I can do. The idea is to improve my writing skills, and here's an opportunity. Thanks again!

 

[Iftheshoefits]

Well you have a new fan here. I didn't read the military one simply because most submissions in the "erotic couplings" category are a little too tame for my taste, but I just read "Wedding Party" and it was great.

My interest just tends to be in stories where the main charecter is a woman who is a bit of a slut...or a really big slut. And considering the category and the dialougue in the beginning of the story I got the subtle hint early on that Marie was going to be just that, so I'd say you did a good job of making me want to read further in spite of the somewhat slow beginning. All of the dialogue was pretty clever and entertaining.

As far as gangbangs go, which is essentially what this was (or turned into), this was sort of a refreshing break from the typical "let's abuse, destroy and defile this whore" type of scene. (Not that there is anything wrong with those kind of scenes, I enjoy them emmensely if well written). The scene was light and playful in spite of all the debautchery going on, and it felt real.

Having been a swinger myself, I thought you articulated the whole "mind reading" thing between the couple in that situation wonderfully. I identified with that and was kind of happy to see someone put that "silent conversation" thing we do into words. Now I can explain it to my other half LOL

You expressed concern that the stories may be too long...maybe a tad. I did start to feel like it was getting long, but it was kept interesting enough to keep me reading. Everytime I thought it was winding down, Marie wanted more, and I kept wanting to see how dirty she could get!

Mind you I am not the experienced writer or literary scholar/critic that some here are, just an avid reader of smut . I hope to see more stories like this one from you in the future.

 

[SixtyMinuteMan]

Well you have a new fan here. I didn't read the military one simply because most submissions in the "erotic couplings" category are a little too tame for my taste, but I just read "Wedding Party" and it was great.

My interest just tends to be in stories where the main charecter is a woman who is a bit of a slut...or a really big slut. And considering the category and the dialougue in the beginning of the story I got the subtle hint early on that Marie was going to be just that, so I'd say you did a good job of making me want to read further in spite of the somewhat slow beginning. All of the dialogue was pretty clever and entertaining.

As far as gangbangs go, which is essentially what this was (or turned into), this was sort of a refreshing break from the typical "let's abuse, destroy and defile this whore" type of scene. (Not that there is anything wrong with those kind of scenes, I enjoy them emmensely if well written). The scene was light and playful in spite of all the debautchery going on, and it felt real.

Having been a swinger myself, I thought you articulated the whole "mind reading" thing between the couple in that situation wonderfully. I identified with that and was kind of happy to see someone put that "silent conversation" thing we do into words. Now I can explain it to my other half LOL

You expressed concern that the stories may be too long...maybe a tad. I did start to feel like it was getting long, but it was kept interesting enough to keep me reading. Everytime I thought it was winding down, Marie wanted more, and I kept wanting to see how dirty she could get!

Mind you I am not the experienced writer or literary scholar/critic that some here are, just an avid reader of smut . I hope to see more stories like this one from you in the future.

Thanks, Iftheshoefits. Marie is actually with you on the raunch index, she always wants these dirtier than I manage to make them. And she gets a little bored with stuff that would drop into the "erotic couplings" category. This is her favorite story other than my gay ones.

There'll be more stories I think you'll like. There's a difference between fantasy and reality, which some of the commenters on the story page don't seem to get, but we're pretty slutty in both realms.

As to the length: Yeah, you're probably right. I'm going to try to get them down to 10,000 words or less. I need to learn to be more succinct in the early narrative, and I definitely need to keep a handle on how much dialogue I write.

Thanks again for the input, and don't hold back in the future because you're not a critic. While I'd love to hear from the big kids, all feedback is useful. You're my audience, I want to know what you think. Glad you liked it!

 

[tennesseered]

Cdr Rainey and Wedding Party

Top notch writing. Too long? Not for me, I enjoy good descriptive smut. Your dialogue sparkles, your characters seem real, and the situations seem multi-dimensional and not simply hard core sex. There's humor and insight in the group dynamics of the orgy. The sexual tension in Cdr R was palpable. All good. Keep them coming!

So far I am a reader, not a writer, but I will keep your stories on hand to learn from. TR

 

[SixtyMinuteMan]

Top notch writing. Too long? Not for me, I enjoy good descriptive smut. Your dialogue sparkles, your characters seem real, and the situations seem multi-dimensional and not simply hard core sex. There's humor and insight in the group dynamics of the orgy. The sexual tension in Cdr R was palpable. All good. Keep them coming!

So far I am a reader, not a writer, but I will keep your stories on hand to learn from. TR

You flatter me, sir. Thank you very much! And I'll keep them coming as fast as I can get them edited into a form that won't embarrass the English language.

 

[SixtyMinuteMan]

The view/vote/comment ratio is interesting. I'll be curious to see the pattern as I put stories up in different categories. So far I have four times as many views of my Group Sex entry, but far more votes on the Erotic Couplings one.

Although it could simply be a statement on their relative quality, I think "Commander Rainey" is a stronger story with better dialogue. Interesting either way.

Given what I've read about the Loving Wives category, I'm tempted to wait a few months, retitle "Wedding Party" and change it to make Marie and the narrator husband and wife, and see how much bile lands on it.

I'm probably a little too interested in the stats and comments, but these are after all my first posts. I'm sure it'll wear off.

 

[driphoney]

I'm probably a little too interested in the stats and comments, but these are after all my first posts. I'm sure it'll wear off.

Oh, most of us are addicted, and don't let anyone fool you! I thought I was an over-the-top beginner, then I read some of the comments of long time writers! Wow. They put me to shame in collating and pondering. If you stay prolific, then your numbers will constantly be changing and the fun never ending. If you peter out, like moi, then it gets dullsville unless the site admin shakes things up!

And Cmdr Rainey was a great story!

 

[SixtyMinuteMan]

Two more posted this morning, bringing me to five. Any and all feedback welcome. SR71, if you read this, I'd especially love to hear what you think of the most recent two.