First timer would love some feedback.

[Sebastian32]

Hello.

My first story just got posted. I'd love some feedback. Ta!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=491748

 

[Naughty_Misty]

Read and commented on... awesome job Sebastian!

 

[birthday_girl]

Nice job, Sebastian

 

[mjl2010]

I liked the way this was presented. Well done in the first person voice. And there is the image of you sitting there, typing away while this poor girl lies naked on the bed waiting for you to come and finish what she started.

Good job

MJL

 

[Sebastian32]

Thank you all

 

[bwallard]

Diversify your adjectives.

 

[Kitkat103]

Okay read and feedback left. I gave it five stars but the beginning felt a bit rushed. I felt like I was on prozac again and I had to read it really fast.

All in all great story.