First Timer Would Like Your Opinions Please..

[sxyladyUK]

Hi, having read some of the really great stories on here i was inspired to have a go myself...I've not tried anything like this before, and was thrilled when my story was accepted...
It's based on a fantasy of mine...and i really would like for some of you to read it and let me know what you think...where it could have been improved etc..
im gonna put a link to it...but not sure wether i have done it right..lol
OKay, well i've waffled on enough...but just one more thing....it says that some people have voted for my story....how do i find out what the votes were?
Thanks again, hope you like it, keep up the good work

Luv sxyladyUK xx


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=35241[/URL]

 

[rigged4dive]

just finished reading your story, and I liked it very much. The sex is well written, and the contrast between the location of a picturesque english village and steamy lesbian sex is very effective.

Might want to watch the verb tenses. Drifting between present and past tense jars just a tiny bit. Very brave writting a present tense story first time out. Wouldn't have the guts to try it myself, it's just way to hard.

 

[sxyladyUK]

Thanks

its great to get positive feedback first time ...know what you mean tho...think i kinda got drawn in and messed up in the excitement..lol
was thinking about somebody in particular when i wrote that and it kinda took on a life of its own..
think i will write is past tense next time...

 

[Neobyte]

I think your story is great, can't wait for this next one your talking about.
look forward to reading it.

 

[Sarah_21]

I loved your story!

I loved your story, it described how I feel about a certain friend perfectly! thank you for writing it...

 

[Tatewaki]

Hi There!

Loved the story. It had a lot of feeling in it. Not just another quick bonk 'n run tale. Just two things bothered me:

1) Watch the verb tenses. Not only is writing in the present tense difficult, but it jars the reader. It brings attention to the writing mechanics instead of the content. Sometimes its use is well warranted. For example, it is an effective way to highlight a passage without resorting to special fonts (italics, bold) or by offsetting the lines into a new paragraph. Just be sure you use the technique intentionally, and not accidentally.

2) I thought the payoff a tad weak. The buildup was much longer than the actual sex. At least, it felt like that to me. Though I don't like setting down any hard and fast rules for writing fiction, I felt kind of cheated by the brevity of the actual sexual encounter. I wanted to spend much more time observing Molly and Rein having their moment ...

Otherwise, an outstanding first effort. Let me tell you, my first erotica stories will never be posted here! They were rank in a way that describes description.

Warmest,

-T