First time

[TheEarl]

This is a JOC thread. I'm intensely curious about what the first time is like for girls and in particular, what the bloke can do to make it less or not painful. I don't like reading the 'First Time' category as there's so much shit mixed up with the good stuff.

There is a bit of an ulterior motive; a girl whom I currently have a crush on is a virgin and I know she is more than a little worried about her first time. I'm kinda scoping for info on the off-chance that I get to be that first, so I can make it a really good experience for her.

Any help?

The Earl

 

[impressive]

My first (male) lover & I had played so much in other ways that the actual intercourse was rather anti-climactic (no pun intended). There was no pain. Enough digital manipulation and/or toy play (solo or with partner) can eliminate that fear entirely.

 

[TheEarl]

My first (male) lover & I had played so much in other ways that the actual intercourse was rather anti-climactic (no pun intended). There was no pain. Enough digital manipulation and/or toy play (solo or with partner) can eliminate that fear entirely.

Did you do that with the intent of making actual intercourse easier, or was it just the way things progressed?

I have never been out with a virgin before and my knowledge of these thigns is severely limited, so I will be asking dumb questions.

The Earl

 

[The_Darkness]

Did you do that with the intent of making actual intercourse easier, or was it just the way things progressed?

I have never been out with a virgin before and my knowledge of these thigns is severely limited, so I will be asking dumb questions.

The Earl

From the guy end of this deal, I can relate two vastly different stories of my own experience.

The first was my second "serious" relationship. We were both virgins, but we'd both played around with other people in the past, just no actual intercourse. She didn't feel any pain, but then, she'd been playing with toys long before I came around, the dirty little minx.

The second was my last college girlfriend. She was terrified of even touching or playing or anything because she was afraid of doing something wrong. I was gentle and didn't push her into anything she didn't want to do, so the year and a half relationship went NOWHERE...and coincidentally spawned the inspiration for Chapter 1 and the first few paragraphs of Chapter 2 of my Slave series...but that was during a hiatus for summer break between classes.

It really depends on the girl, man. She might be into and up for anything that you two get yourselves into, it might hurt just a bit for her and then it's anything goes after that. Just remember, take it slow, make it fun, and make sure she has a good time. I think in-experienced girls are the best to get when starting a new relationship because the build-up and the excitement of exploration is back; everything is new again. Experienced girls tend to kinda forgo that. They still like the foreplay and the various activities, but by and large, they know what they like and they'll tell you what to do.

Play it by ear....play with the ears.....pay attention and build upon her reactions. When the time comes to do the deed, you'll find out how gentle you may or may not have to be....

 

[impressive]

Did you do that with the intent of making actual intercourse easier, or was it just the way things progressed?

It was just the way things progressed -- but in hindsight, it was a good approach.

 

[velvetpie]

I'd have to say that the best thing you can do is to put her at ease.

My first time was wonderful with a man who took the time to get me in the mood, i.e., lots of foreplay, touching, rubbing and licking and allowing me to tell him when I was ready. We both knew that there would be pain, that's inescapable, but because he allowed me to call the shots and physically got me ready, it was much better.

I'd also recommend going slowly. Guys seem to forget that there is pain from the fact the vagina has not been used and has to adjust to the penis. These are all muscles that have to be stretched.

Hope this helps!
Velvet

 

[Guest]

My first (male) lover & I had played so much in other ways that the actual intercourse was rather anti-climactic (no pun intended). There was no pain. Enough digital manipulation and/or toy play (solo or with partner) can eliminate that fear entirely.

This was my experience as well. He was a bit clumsy (we both were) but we'd played around so much that the actual penetration wasn't painful. If the female has done a bit of self-exploration or if she is well-informed about the process things should go smoothly.

The hymen is real; it's actual tissue covering the opening (although it isn't a complete cover, of course.) Girls menstruate through this, aroused female juices leak though this. And if a gal is pretty athletic the area will have been stretched, though probably not broken.

During the actual "process" there is a minimal amount of blood and the woman can actually feel the tissues give way.

But the pain they always speak of in those ridiculous stories? I believe that is not from the hymen but more from the insertion of a large, thick and hard object into a very tight area. An area which is often unconciously made tighter by the recipient's fear.

And when you read about how he waits for her to adjust and then begins pounding away, taking her to rapturous heights? I doubt it.

Pain, extreme sensitivity or self-consciousness would probably prevent many from enjoying the experience. Slow and gentle thrusting please. And wait until the next day (at least) before trying it again. Give her time to heal.

I have a friend who confessed that she broke her own hymen when she attempted to insert a small object while in the bath. She was startled, she said, and then exhilarated. I laughed with her but have since wondered how many other women experienced that situation.

It would be the perfect answer to a difficult situation, wouldn't it?

 

[impressive]

During the actual "process" there is a minimal amount of blood and the woman can actually feel the tissues give way.

I cannot actually point to a moment when I felt my hymen break/give. It really was a gradual thing through self-stimulation and other play.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

It depends on the woman too. I have a friend who bled so much she had to go to the hospital. My first time was terribly painful, despite a very gentle if inexperienced partner.

My suggestion to go along with plenty of foreplay and putting her at ease is a lubricated condom and plenty of patience. Hope that it isn't painful and do all you can to make it less so, but be prepared for it to hurt. In that case, be ready to put the sex aside and comfort her.

 

[English Lady]

My first time went well but it followed alot of foreplay starting with recieving a massage,so i felt good and relaxed. lots of finger insertion and some licking made me slick and I don't remember even a wince of pain, and he did fuck me pretty hard, i remember the steel frame of his bed creaking at one point! *grins*

Earl love, you've justgot to be totally aware of her,which sounds pretty damn obvious doesn't it*L* but don't get so lost in your pleasure thatyou forget hers....

 

[LadyJeanne]

My first time was with a guy I really liked, and we had done plenty of fooling around before I was ready to go all the way, so it was something I was looking forward to. He'd had sex with a number of girls before then, but I wouldn't say he was expert at it. It hurt more than I expected, and there was some bleeding, but less than I expected.

Advice? Go for it at a time when you're both really relaxed, like after you've spent a day at the beach together, or had a great time at the pub drinking and debating and laughing together. Then ease into it - no rush. A body massage is a great way to get started - it feels wonderful and she'll get a chance to get used to being naked and having you touch her everywhere, and it will build up her desire. Then, as with all women, make sure you spend all kinds of time using your fingers to stroke, tickle, and explore, and then use your mouth. She needs to be really, really wet.

If you can give her an orgasm before penetration, I would recommend doing so. She'll be especially relaxed then, and wet, and it won't diminish her desire at all. Use lube when you finally dive in. Go slow. Don't push all the way in at once. Use slow, short strokes after you break through, gradually going in deeper. Talk to her. Tell her how sexy she is, how wonderful and hot she feels, how soft she feels. Kiss her and touch her - don't just focus on the stroking. When you've made it all the way in, stop and focus on her clit with your fingers and build up her desire again - the pain may have made her erotic tension ebb. Then start moving again, slowly, get into a ryhthm. Ask her what feels good, faster, slower?

And have fun!

Oops, I forgot one of the most important things! Don't fall asleep right away afterwards. Cuddle, hug, nibble her ear, kiss her neck, hold her in your arms and giggle together. Tell her how incredibly wonderful she is.

 

[AppleBiter]

Go slow and put a pillow under her butt. (Makes initial penetration go easier.) Be sensitive to her as this will be, no doubt, an emotional experience for her. Don't expect her to cum the first time. In fact, you may bring her to climax orally before initiating penetration and this could make it easier also. Ask questions -- make sure she's comfortable. Above all, have a great time!

 

[Penelope Street]

Earl,

I don't know if you are familiar with American euphamisms, but my foremost suggestion is stay on third base until she invites you home, no matter how long that takes. In the case of my first time, it was weeks. lol.

My bf and I went through several sessions of pure digital stimulation. It did hurt a bit when he tried two fingers, so I was worried how his cock would feel. Of course, that didn't stop me wanting it just the same. Anyway, by the time we finally did it, I was beyond ready. To my surprise and relief, I didn't experience any pain. Didn't experience much else either since he lasted all of maybe three minutes. My thoughts went something like "Oh, thank God it doesn't hurt" to "Wow. Not bad." to "Hey, what's all this mess?" At the time, it was a bit of a disappointment, but looking back it always brings a happy tear to my eye, not the least of which because I remember how he was willing to go slow and let me decide when I was ready. I guess that's what was most special for me about my first experience.

Ok. Enough being whimsical. Your fingers are your friends, and her friends too. IMO, petting isn't just foreplay or a stepping stone to the 'real' thing, it's beautiful in its own right.

On a related note, I'm certain I've climaxed more from fingering than from fucking, but don't expect your girlfriend will. I didn't my first time- hell, I didn't even know I could. Anyway, she might and she might not. Sure, it's a nice goal, but don't obsess about it and don't expect[i/] it of her. Too many men focus on this. I'd suggest you don't even mention it. For a woman, or at least for the only woman I can speak for with certainty, an orgasm is great, sure, but it isn't the do-all/end-all of lovemaking.

Take Care,
Penny

 

[Hulder]

I broke my own hymen the first time I tried to use a tampon (nobody had told me that there were different sizes, so I just used one of my mother's), and that was really painful! I remember thinking that I'd get used to it (using tampons aren't supposed to hurt after all) so I left it there and went to have dinner. The walk up the stairs went veeeeery slowly, and then sitting down to eat, I inched my ass down on that seat, lol. I removed the tampon right after dinner, and was determined never to use one ever again! 6 months later someone enlightened me on the different sizes, and so I did eventually get up my nerve to try again.

It really helped with the first time I had sex though, cause that was virtually painless. I didn't come, I was too tense and I just wanted to get it over with, lol. My second time was better, and my third time was ver nice indeed. I may have to write a story about my first, second and third time, lol. My first time was on the roof of the tallest hotel in town, in december, in the snow. My second time was on the stairs leading down from the roof, and my third time was in the elevator heading down to the reception area.


Not sure if my experience helps you any, but i wish you good luck!

Hugs!!!

 

[TheEarl]

Thanks all. Appreciate the advice. To be honest, it's actually stuff that I'd probably have ended up doing myself just cause I like doing them (my two favourite pastimes in bed are stroking a lady's body and going down on her).

Especially interested in hulder's post: I will admit to not really knowing a great deal about hymens. I've never been out with a virgin before and sex education was less than helpful, so I wasn't really 100% sure how it was broken, how difficult it was to break. Laugh if you like, but before that post I didn't even think that it could be broken by a tampon. Just hadn't crossed my mind.

Appreciate all of the testimonials and advice.

The Earl

 

[Kassiana]

I'm another of the "my first time didn't really hurt" club. My man had worked four fingers into me several times before he slid his cock inside. It was quite nice.

Of course, I was sore the next day. We did have sex three times that night, and apparently his fingers hadn't gone as far inside me as his cock could. I wonder what the nice women I worked with at the time thought when I came in for work, casually sat down, and then shot up from my seat like I'd been stung.

 

[Just-Legal]

Let me give you the "how not to do it" speech.

My first time was awful and every time I think of it, I want to merrily beat the hell out of my partner of the time.

We'd been fooling around for ages, and one night he decided he'd go a bit further than I wanted him to. We weren't even fully undressed, and it hurt like fuck because I wasn't ready.

To make matters worse, in the entire relationship he never, ever stayed the night or even attempted to, and the last three months were purely about sex for him. I was so lovestruck I didn't want to admit it was over, even when he left me for my best friend.

So, my advice is to go with the advice the others have given.

*hugs*

H

 

[BlackShanglan]

Let me give you the "how not to do it" speech.

My first time was awful and every time I think of it, I want to merrily beat the hell out of my partner of the time.

We'd been fooling around for ages, and one night he decided he'd go a bit further than I wanted him to. We weren't even fully undressed, and it hurt like fuck because I wasn't ready.

To make matters worse, in the entire relationship he never, ever stayed the night or even attempted to, and the last three months were purely about sex for him. I was so lovestruck I didn't want to admit it was over, even when he left me for my best friend.

So, my advice is to go with the advice the others have given.

*hugs*

H

Oh, dear one. That makes me want to beat merry hell out of him, and I haven't even met the individual. I'll be sure to introduce myself properly just before I give his head the business end of a spade.

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

Oh, dear one. That makes me want to beat merry hell out of him, and I haven't even met the individual. I'll be sure to introduce myself properly just before I give his head the business end of a spade.

Shanglan

Shang - ever the gentleman.

 

[TheEarl]

Oh, dear one. That makes me want to beat merry hell out of him, and I haven't even met the individual. I'll be sure to introduce myself properly just before I give his head the business end of a spade.

Shanglan

Sod introductions. I'll join you in some cranial reshaping on that wanker.

I was having a long, in-depth conversation with a couple of friends last night and they were talking about sex so selfishly. they were talking about getting head over and done with as quickly as possible so that it'll be your turn. everything was mercernary and "I'll go down on her, because then I'll get a blow-job" (or vice versa) and how they couldn't survive more than 2-3 months in a relationship without having full sex.

It shocked me somewhat. I see sex as more about pleasing your partner, rather than pleasing yourself. If I get pleasure, that's very nice, but I'm not doing it with that aim. Am I a complete iconoclast?

The Earl

 

[Just-Legal]

Sod introductions. I'll join you in some cranial reshaping on that wanker.

I was having a long, in-depth conversation with a couple of friends last night and they were talking about sex so selfishly. they were talking about getting head over and done with as quickly as possible so that it'll be your turn. everything was mercernary and "I'll go down on her, because then I'll get a blow-job" (or vice versa) and how they couldn't survive more than 2-3 months in a relationship without having full sex.

It shocked me somewhat. I see sex as more about pleasing your partner, rather than pleasing yourself. If I get pleasure, that's very nice, but I'm not doing it with that aim. Am I a complete iconoclast?

The Earl

*blushes* You might have to get around his wife these days. Silly girl... she was warned.

As for pleasure, no hon, you're not the only one that feels that way. Thats why sex with my ex ended up being a drag, because he was selfish.

 

[Guest]

Sod introductions. I'll join you in some cranial reshaping on that wanker.

I was having a long, in-depth conversation with a couple of friends last night and they were talking about sex so selfishly. they were talking about getting head over and done with as quickly as possible so that it'll be your turn. everything was mercernary and "I'll go down on her, because then I'll get a blow-job" (or vice versa) and how they couldn't survive more than 2-3 months in a relationship without having full sex.

It shocked me somewhat. I see sex as more about pleasing your partner, rather than pleasing yourself. If I get pleasure, that's very nice, but I'm not doing it with that aim. Am I a complete iconoclast?

The Earl

I believe it has to do with age and/or maturity, intelligence and sexual skill.

And quite possibly penis size.

Maybe it is just men with tiny little dicks who are so selfish.

(I may be on to something here . . . )

 

[sophia jane]

It shocked me somewhat. I see sex as more about pleasing your partner, rather than pleasing yourself. If I get pleasure, that's very nice, but I'm not doing it with that aim. Am I a complete iconoclast?

The Earl

And that's why we all you Earl.

SJ

 

[English Lady]

Earl, you've got it right love, the best sex comes when you concerntrate on pleasuring your partner, being selfish means you only get half (if that) the experience, youmis outon the thrill of enjoying someone elses sexual fulfillment


And i don't believe it has anything to do with the size of a mans penis either*L*

 

[LadyJeanne]

The idea that sex is something you 'get' from someone is an immature guy view. It's not until men realize it's about giving pleasure that they become good lovers.