Mmmm i really like the colonge your wearing my cousin says. She edges just a little bit closer to me on the couch thinking i wont notice her. My other cousin and aunt are out at the store and uncle is off at work. Niether of us have ever done anything sexual with eachother until tonite where as she edged in close enough i gently stroked her hair. Her soft flowing hair running through my gentle fingers all seemed so right but it is all wrong according to society. My heart beats faster as she is laying her head on my chest and i continue to stroke her beutiful black hair. She silenty slips her shoes off and playfully rubs her barefoot against my foot bsre as well. She looks up at me with her big brown eyes and says i have been wanting you for do long, i hope you feel the same way towards me... I whisper back to her yes of course and gently kiss her lips and conrinue to look into those deep brown eyes. She wrapped her hands around my neck and pulled me closer for another kiss, this one more deeper and harder. She glides her tongue into my mouth and slowly licks all around the inner part of my mouth as the passion in our harts quickly rises. She pulls me even harder now and our tongues are entwined as our kissing becomes more ferocious. I slowly run my hand up and down her leg and can feel her warm thigh as all she is wearing is a tshirt and shorts. As our deep passionate kissing continues she thusts me down on the couch and climbs on top of me. She moves her body back and forth on top of me teasing for whats to come then she kisses me one final time on the lips as she slowly kisses down my neck and takes off my shirt dnd kisses down my chest. She runs her hands up and down my upperbody as she slowly pulls the shorts i am wearing off. She then kisses from my leg up until shereaches my cock tucked away in my boxers. She runs her gentle hands over where my cock is inmy boxers. After feeling around a little bit she takes off my boxers revealing my stiff cock. She licks up dnd down the sides as my breaths become shorter. She comes to the head of my throbbing cock and kisses it then licks it with her warm tongue. She then comes back up and takes her shirt off revealing her small beutiful tits. Then she srands up almost falling over and takes off her shorts. To my surprise she isnt wearing any panties. She comes back down and she sits up on the couch, she playfull grabs my hand and now im on top of her. I slowly caress her tits gently kissing and licking them. Spening equal time on each. I run my hands down her perfectly sculpted body and grab her ass. She jumps a little and smiles at me. I kiss down her abdomin and as i near my prize she leans her head back and quitly moans... I slowly begin to kiss around her clit and finally but only barely lick her pleasure center... I get a louder moan this time and i conyinuekissing around her entire slit. I stick my tongue in and gentky wiggle it i bring it out and up her entire pussy snd back down making syre to lick all of it. I continue to lick and kiss and play with my cousins pussy as she mouns louder and louder i can feel her ready to orgasm.. Then almost as if she is wimpering she releases and i taste her sweet juices. I lick it all up slowly making sure to get the full flavor. Then i lsy back down she climbs back on top of me and nestles her self just above my cock. We look eachother dead in the eyes making sure this is what we both really want... From our unbroken glaze we know it is right and she slowly slides down onto my hard cock. She bounces slowly and gently at first but she begins to gain speed and rythm with every new bounce. She then places her hands in back of her and uses them to propherself up she she continues to ride my throbbing cock. She mouns louder and louder each time she goes back down... Shorty after our ruthm and speed is incredible and she is gping at an unbievablely pleasuring speed. I can no longer take it as i tell her to stop and she climbs off my hard cock i get up and lean her over and begin to fuck her doggy style. My body smashes hers as we collide with such conviction. A loud yelp and a sigh from me and the ultimate incest act has been completed. We get clened up and wait for the arrival of my cousin and aunt smiling and giggling the entire time...
First time writer looking for comments on story
- Thread starter BigDog445
- Start date
Darkniciad
Literotica Guru
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This is going to come across harsh, but there are a lot of problems here, and no way to really softball it.
First, you need paragraphs. A wall of text like this is almost impossible to read, especially on a computer screen. Your eyes get lost very easily when reading in this format as opposed to a printed page. Even on a printed page, a "wall of text" like this is hard on the eyes.
You need to run this through a spell checker. There are spelling errors from the first sentence to the last. It's incredibly distracting, and will make a reader back-click in a hurry.
Likewise, there are other grammar issues from beginning to end. Improper capitalization, words running together, missing commas, etc.
You need to use quotation marks to denote speech. "I'm speaking now," she said.
Take a look back through and see how many sentences start with "She". The repetition makes the story dry and monotonous.
That's the basic things you need to do to begin refining this. There's some heat in there, but most people are never going to see it because they won't get past the first couple of sentences before giving up due to the problems distracting from the story.
First, you need paragraphs. A wall of text like this is almost impossible to read, especially on a computer screen. Your eyes get lost very easily when reading in this format as opposed to a printed page. Even on a printed page, a "wall of text" like this is hard on the eyes.
You need to run this through a spell checker. There are spelling errors from the first sentence to the last. It's incredibly distracting, and will make a reader back-click in a hurry.
Likewise, there are other grammar issues from beginning to end. Improper capitalization, words running together, missing commas, etc.
You need to use quotation marks to denote speech. "I'm speaking now," she said.
Take a look back through and see how many sentences start with "She". The repetition makes the story dry and monotonous.
That's the basic things you need to do to begin refining this. There's some heat in there, but most people are never going to see it because they won't get past the first couple of sentences before giving up due to the problems distracting from the story.
sr71plt
Literotica Guru
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- Jul 18, 2006
- Posts
- 51,872
Nope, not gonna read a solid wall of text. Sorry.
Texts of stories shouldn't be posted to the forum anyway--Lit. doesn't accept the posting of just anything, and this bypasses the selection process that is their privilege to have on their site.
Texts of stories shouldn't be posted to the forum anyway--Lit. doesn't accept the posting of just anything, and this bypasses the selection process that is their privilege to have on their site.
Apart from the paragraphing, spelling, and grammar problems, this story needs a beginning. Even if it's just to say that they were watching a film together and now can't find anything else to watch, it sets the scene and situation.
Unless the guy is wearing strong cologne or lots of it, she'd have to edge closer to smell it in the first place. Better to start by showing that she's inched that close during the film (for example). Apart from being consistent, it's also more intimate to smell someone up close.
Unless the guy is wearing strong cologne or lots of it, she'd have to edge closer to smell it in the first place. Better to start by showing that she's inched that close during the film (for example). Apart from being consistent, it's also more intimate to smell someone up close.
As everyone has said, it needs paragraphs and a spell check, maybe even a editor. On the story it's self, its really more of a sex scene than a story. A story needs, most of all, an introduction. It is a very descriptive sex scene, but that is about it, and it is very descriptive if somewhat slow moving.
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