First time posting on Lit, looking for feed back

[wolzard1]

I've done on and off erotic writing before but having very little actual hands on experience in the sexual field, and as such, I've always thought my writing of this type was terrible. But this one story I wrote, which I've shown to friends, got decent praise so I decided to bring it here. Hoping to see what you all think of it.

https://www.literotica.com/s/church-back-room-bang

 

[dansouthwest]

A nice start.

You could have may be described the sex bit a bit more in detail.

Reminded me of the time where my wife jerked me off behind a church. lol

Keep writing.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I didn't read all of it, or enough to warrant a score. I'm short on time.

Lemme say this about what I read.

I'm almost always turned off by what I read at LIT. Not this time. The writing has a pleasant rhythm and cadence, and its interesting. Its 5 star potential.

I LIKE WHAT I READ.

That said, Invest some time learning punctuation.

 

[wolzard1]

A nice start.

You could have may be described the sex bit a bit more in detail.

Reminded me of the time where my wife jerked me off behind a church. lol

Keep writing.

Thank you for your input. As I said in the OP, my actual sexual experience is very little so me trying to describe what I've never done isn't easy lol.

I didn't read all of it, or enough to warrant a score. I'm short on time.

Lemme say this about what I read.

I'm almost always turned off by what I read at LIT. Not this time. The writing has a pleasant rhythm and cadence, and its interesting. Its 5 star potential.

I LIKE WHAT I READ.

That said, Invest some time learning punctuation.

Thank you for taking some time to look at this and I will consider that as high praise that you enjoyed what you read of my piece. And if I may ask, what punctuation problems do you see in my story? Always looking to learn here.

 

[Bramblethorn]

And if I may ask, what punctuation problems do you see in my story? Always looking to learn here.

The ones I noticed on a quick look through were all related to punctuating quoted speech/text. Some examples:

"Sitting around with an angel waiting for service to start." He wrote as the caption on the picture.

Should be '...waiting for service to start," he wrote... '. Though I'd be tempted to restructure as 'He captioned the picture "Sitting around with an angel waiting for service to start."'

"Only because it's more fun thinking about my girlfriend in her underwear than it is to be sitting around, getting bored out of my skull." Jack whispered back as he growled into her ear before biting it softly for a brief moment.

Should be '...out of my skull," Jack whispered back...'

"Down you horny dog," She said quietly as she rolled her eyes.

Should be 'she said'.

"That's kind of what I'm hoping for" Jack thought to himself with a smirk on his face.

Should be '...hoping for," Jack thought...'

"You're such a f-freak..." She said with a small moan.

Should be 'she said'.

Google "how to punctuate speech" and you'll find some helpful guides.

 

[wolzard1]

The ones I noticed on a quick look through were all related to punctuating quoted speech/text.

Yes, I will admit this is one of my weaker zones when it comes to writing. I have been going through this story again to retool it a little bit, so thank you for your input. I will keep my eyes out for those and other similar errors.

 

[ontheroadforever]

Not bad!

I agree with the punctuation, but the naughtiness of doing it in a church is good...a church bus works too (did I say that out loud? LOL).