First time contributor

[fannyrat]

Hi all

Just like lots of other people here, I have submitted my first ever story.

Can anyone give me a constructive assessment of what I have written, because I really enjoyed writing it.

I just don't want to keep writing and posting crap, if indeed that's what it is

http://www.literotica.com/s/controlling-sara

Sorry I don't know how to create hyperlink

Thanks

 

[Quarterfast]

fannrat

This is my first post on this Board. I submitted my first writing attempt more than a month ago and haven't heard anything back from Literotica one way or the other. Is this normal following a submission?

 

[PennLady]

This is my first post on this Board. I submitted my first writing attempt more than a month ago and haven't heard anything back from Literotica one way or the other. Is this normal following a submission?

No, that's not normal. I can give you some information, but I'd need more details from you to give a specific answer. So here are a couple of general things:

If you are expecting to receive an email or message telling you the story is posted, you will not get one. To find out if your story has posted, you need to go to your Author Submissions page and look. The story will say either approved or rejected; if it says rejected, click on the rejected link and see what it says.

The most common (it seems) reasons for rejection are:
* the story includes sex involving characters under 18; Lit does not allow this in their stories (yes, it happens IRL, we know; it's just the site rule)
* the story would lead one to believe there is sex involving characters under 18 (Laurel, who vets the stories, does what she can but can't read every word)
* poor punctuation, especially in dialogue
* poor or incorrect formatting, like long paragraphs, or dialogue not set off in its own paragraphs

If you have been checking on your story and clicking the "pending" button, don't. That sends your story to the back of the queue.

So -- what was your story about? Is there a reason someone might suspect there are characters under 18 in sexual situations? Are there such characters?

Have you been checking your story and clicking the pending button?

Also -- is it an illustrated story? I know those take longer to post.

 

[PennLady]

Hi all

Just like lots of other people here, I have submitted my first ever story.

Can anyone give me a constructive assessment of what I have written, because I really enjoyed writing it.

I just don't want to keep writing and posting crap, if indeed that's what it is

http://www.literotica.com/s/controlling-sara

Sorry I don't know how to create hyperlink

Thanks

I just looked over your story. One thing I can tell you is that you do need some work on punctuation, mostly in your dialogue. You have lots of spoken sentences that do not have commas or periods in the proper places.

I also thought that a number of your sentences were too long -- you kept them going with phrases and commas when you might have been better off to break them into separate sentences.

I can't say much about the content, as it doesn't appeal to me, but it seems like it would appeal to readers who enjoy this type of story.

I did wonder, though -- giving the guy "hundreds" of pills seemed a bit overkill. But that's the geeky part of me running a bit amok, I think. Although it might add an interesting element if the guy knew he was going to run out of them, because once that happened, how would he keep up his addiction to controlling his wife?

Just a few thoughts.

 

[robertreams]

I read your story "Sarah". It was okay as stories go. However, you badly need an editor (see the list of volunteer editors on this site.) Yours was an enchanting idea, and not exactly poorly executed, but I have to say that my usual measure of erotica is: How hard did it make me? My answer for your story is: not at all. Sorry it did nothing for me. The coment about your long sentences was right on, except that it does not matter how long a sentence is, if it is written properly. You cannot merely take a bunch of words and stick them together with the word 'and'. You use it way too much.

Your narrator talks too much, puts in too many of his own cute remarks that interfere with rather than help the story. Every time I think the story is going to heat up, the narrator says something cute. Even if you are writting first person POV, try to keep the writer (not the narrator but the author) out of the story.

Too many eqivocations, almost, nearly ("just -- eek).

If you are going to turn people on, you need much better and more description. Not merely 34c but size shape color smell, everyhting. She stuck out her tongue to catch his cum but what did the tongue look like? Make it real for your reader, e.g. One of your men in the story had 8 1/2 inches. Did someone stop the action run out with a ruler and insure that they had accurrate measurments down to the 1/2? Why not say that it was so large that its heavy dark brown wrinkled mass filled her mouth and throat causing her to gag repeatedly, but her gagging only intensified his pleasure. What did all their cocks look like? What did her pussy look like? What was the smell in the room, was it brightly lit or dim? Were her pussy lips pink, or red and trobbing with the blood that filled them. get it. every cock should be described what color was it, cut or uncut, smooth or wrinkled, fat or thin, long or short, etc. The more minute the details, without disrupting the action, the more real your story will become..

Do not get discourged. I have seen many, many stories much worse, have edited a few.
keep writing!

 

[Quarterfast]

Thanks Robertreams. I checked and the submission apparently never got there as nothing is listed under my submissions. I really would like to have the story edited but, I have sent a request to 4 different volunteers from the Editors listing and never received a reply from any. I just sent out another today.

If I can't get a response from a volunteer editor I guess I will try the submission route once again. Again, thanks for the response.

 

[astuffedshirt_perv]

>I really would like to have the story edited but, I have sent a request to 4 different
>volunteers from the Editors listing and never received a reply from any.

Go to this link volunteer editors
Or, here in the forum, go to the editor's forum and use the top link for people who are available to edit in the current month.

and email the first 6 (at the same time) that will do stories like your wrote. Send your story to all who reply. Don't go with just one at a time and don't go with older profiles.


Sorry, fannyrat, for hijacking your thread.

 

[robertreams]

fannyrat: I am an editor. if you wish, I will look at your work. However, I have a slight issue with your character's use of the pills. Couldn't you have a nice cuppa with a bank officer, an armoured car driver, etc. Personally, I would love to receive all my blowjobs in teh Grand Caymans or some such place. Aren't you afraid that your readers will think a guy who needs a pill to get a decent blow job from his own wife is a wimp nd a loser? After all, is swallowing that important? I wonder if the premiss isn't a bit thin. P M me what you think. Either way I wll edit the story for you if you wish. Send the manuscript to riterman1220@gmail.com. PLEASE include your name, the name of the story and the author name as a header to the manuscript and in ALL communication about the manuscript.

 

[joelafayette]

.....

 

[sr71plt]

Hey, Robert, did you peek? I have an e-book coming out soon that includes blowjobs on Grand Cayman.

 

[robertreams]

You have not noticed before that we have a synchronocity?