First Time Author

[SylentWriter]

Greetings literotica community!

A month ago I decided to take up a new hobby: writing erotic fiction. I posted the first chapter of my story, titled "Friends," on May 12th and my revisions posted on May 31st.

I've been reading a lot about creating writing and editing and want to make sure my stories are enjoyable. If you are interested in reading it and giving me feedback, I would be very glad to hear it! This first story series is a learning experience for me.

My story is: https://www.literotica.com/s/friends-ch-01-rings

I submitted chapter 2 yesterday and it should post soon.

Thanks for your time <3

 

[Kimikimidoll]

I really like the pacing of the story. It gives a relaxed atmosphere while reading but when something's gonna happen the flow builds up the anticipation- it's great. I always belive the best way to drive a story forward (not a one-shot) is by conversation and characters; make your readers want to know what's gonna happen next, even if it's about fucking or otherwise. Good work!

 

[SylentWriter]

@Kimi, Thanks for your feedback! I'm glad the story built anticipation for you. I worked hard to achieve that and wasn't sure I was successful. I'm finding the hardest thing about writing is conveying my thoughts and emotions in a way that the reader will feel too. But it's a fun challenge!

 

[privatedeviancies]

I love the subtle tension that you develop in the story. I especially appreciate the way you describe things. Your style is simple and straight forward, reminiscent of Hemingway to a degree. Keep that up.

My only suggestion is the use of the flashback. I understand the reasoning for it, but I think that there could be a better way to employ this. When you create a break in the story, especially using a title break ("An Hour Earlier"), there is a pause in the flow of the narrative. Rather than doing this, I would suggest a character musing. Perhaps have a device that triggers their memory, and their thoughts wander to that specific memory.

Aside from that, I think you did a wonderful job. Keep up the good work.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I thought it was pretty good and I don't have much to add here. Nice dialogue, good pacing (though I agree with PD that the flashback doesn't feel quite right here) and no spelling/grammar glitches that I noticed.

One thing I did notice is that you seem to be very fond of charcoal grey; so far you've used that to describe a blanket, a skirt, and Red's sweatpants. Any reason for that?

 

[SylentWriter]

PD and Bramble, thank you for your thoughtful feedback. Chapter 1 was my first foray into creative writing and I'm encouraged that you like my style and dialogue.

As for your criticisms, I agree 100 percent. I don't have much of an excuse other than the fact that, in video-game parlance, I'm a noob. To be honest, I wrote chapter 1 without much thought for the reader experience. When I edited the story it occurred to me that the flashback was distracting, but I couldn't figure out how to work around it. PD, I think your idea of a device that triggers a musing would have worked much better.

Bramble, think anyone would buy it if I said I'm using the color to foreshadow a grey and bleak ending? If I wanted to psychoanalyze myself, maybe I feel grey or bleak about the events taking place—events loosely based on personal experience. The most likely explanation: I was being lazy.

I've learned that creative writing is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Little things can take a reader out of the story and make an author's voice, separate from the narrator, stand out—like repetitive use of the same color. Shortly after I published chapter 1 for the first time, I began studying creative writing for an hour or two a day. I read a tip yesterday, in Fiction Writer's Workshop, that changed the way I think about description: let the verbs and nouns stand on their own and let the reader fill in the color and shapes from his/her imagination.

I immediately thought of Kris's grey skirt, blanket, and sweatpants—colors that have no real import to the story. For chapter three, my plan is to go through and eliminate all unnecessary adjectives and adverbs, unless they are essential to the story or characterization, before submitting.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my story and provide encouragement and feedback.

<3

SylentWriter

 

[Bramblethorn]

Bramble, think anyone would buy it if I said I'm using the color to foreshadow a grey and bleak ending? If I wanted to psychoanalyze myself, maybe I feel grey or bleak about the events taking place—events loosely based on personal experience. The most likely explanation: I was being lazy.

I've learned that creative writing is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Little things can take a reader out of the story and make an author's voice, separate from the narrator, stand out—like repetitive use of the same color. Shortly after I published chapter 1 for the first time, I began studying creative writing for an hour or two a day. I read a tip yesterday, in Fiction Writer's Workshop, that changed the way I think about description: let the verbs and nouns stand on their own and let the reader fill in the color and shapes from his/her imagination.

This is something that gets argued back and forth every few months in the Authors' Hangout. Some readers like the author to provide a lot of visual description, others prefer a sparse style. It's certainly not wrong to provide that kind of description, but it's also not mandatory to do it just for the sake of describing.

For some stories, heavy visual is appropriate. I default to sparse visual description, but I see you've been reading one of mine; you may have noticed that the 1001 Nights side of that story has much more emphasis on visuals than the modern-day side does. That was a deliberate choice, because I wanted to evoke the feel of those old stories, which tend to be quite flowery and descriptive, and also to give Rafi a different voice. I have a couple of others where I've used a colour or pattern as a recurring motif, so when I notice another author repeatedly invoking a particular colour I get to wondering if it's a hint

 

[SylentWriter]

Bramble, I see what you mean. I like that you provide a rationale for heavy visual description in 1001 Nights. When I started writing I didn't realize how many decisions I would have to make. Having an idea, image, or story in your head is completely different than trying to impart the essence of that image, idea, or story on your reader, which I'm learning involves lots of deliberate thought about what I want a particular paragraph, sentence, or even word to achieve.

As I read your feedback I realize I still have so much to learn and am encouraged to study more.

Question 1: do recurring motif's have to be consciously added? In the book I've been working through, Fiction Writer's Workshop, the author explains how writers shouldn't focus on symbolism (which I believe is related to motif). He says to let symbols be created out of your subconscious mind, otherwise they run the risk of feeling contrived.

Question 2: Perhaps I wasn't completely off when I hypothesized that I used grey to foreshadow the bleakness of the future of my main characters. Is it okay if that happens without deliberate choice?

And Question 3: Did you find the repeated use of the color grey to be distracting, or just an interesting observation?

Thank you so much for taking your time to give me your feedback. Your stories are wonderful!

<3

SylentWriter

 

[Bramblethorn]

Bramble, I see what you mean. I like that you provide a rationale for heavy visual description in 1001 Nights. When I started writing I didn't realize how many decisions I would have to make. Having an idea, image, or story in your head is completely different than trying to impart the essence of that image, idea, or story on your reader, which I'm learning involves lots of deliberate thought about what I want a particular paragraph, sentence, or even word to achieve.

Yes indeed. One of the hardest things for me is figuring out "will this mean the same thing to a reader that it does to me?" I sweat over that a lot, but at the end of the day, it's why I count myself very lucky to have an excellent beta reader.

Question 1: do recurring motif's have to be consciously added? In the book I've been working through, Fiction Writer's Workshop, the author explains how writers shouldn't focus on symbolism (which I believe is related to motif). He says to let symbols be created out of your subconscious mind, otherwise they run the risk of feeling contrived.

I think that's generally good advice. Most artistic technique works best when it's invisible to the audience; if your readers are stopping to think "hey, this writer's using a technique!" then that's breaking their immersion in the story, which is usually a bad thing. Deliberately writing for symbolism/motif risks becoming heavy-handed.

But that's not to say it can never work. I've heard more than one film director talk about reserving certain colours for particular themes: lime green means somebody's about to be murdered, red is only used in connection with the Sharpe family.

I've done something similar in one of my stories here. It's one of those vague "atmospheric horror" pieces where the Big Bad is never explained and never directly seen. In that story I deliberately used the colour yellow as a recurring motif to suggest its influence, drawing on other authors' canon which had established that association.

At the time, I don't think I thought that out beyond "this feels like I ought to include it in the story". But in hindsight, I think there's a good reason why other authors have done that. When writing about a nebulous menace that doesn't show up "in shot", there's a risk that readers won't take it seriously - it can end up feeling like a bunch of over-excitable characters freaking out about nothing. Having something tangible associated with that entity makes it a bit more persuasive: okay, so you haven't seen anything, but why is it that the colour yellow keeps showing up? Ideally, with that kind of story, the motif can go on doing its work even after the story's done: the reader closes the page, goes outside, and starts noticing just how many things in their city happen to be coloured yellow.

Also: I remember hearing a couple of writers from the Simpsons discuss this scene. Sideshow Bob steps on a rake and it hits him in the face; then he turns away and steps on another rake, and the same thing happens. After two or three times it had stopped being funny, so they were going to finish the scene there. But then somebody suggested that if they kept going, it would become funny again, so they drew it out much longer than you'd expect. Sometimes repetitive elements work like that: a few reps is bad, but more reps becomes good.

So, yeah, exceptions to every rule. (And apologies, I don't think I'm doing a great job of articulating this.)

Question 2: Perhaps I wasn't completely off when I hypothesized that I used grey to foreshadow the bleakness of the future of my main characters. Is it okay if that happens without deliberate choice?

Yeah, sure. TBH, I hadn't realised that the story was heading in that kind of direction, so it just felt like a jarring note, but in that context it might work better.

And Question 3: Did you find the repeated use of the color grey to be distracting, or just an interesting observation?

As above, it was a bit distracting because it got me thinking "author keeps mentioning this same colour, does that mean something?" I probably wouldn't have noticed just "grey" but it was specifically "charcoal grey" every time, and that caught my eye. Without having read the complete story, it's hard to judge.

 

[SylentWriter]

Bramble, thanks for your thoughtful response. I think I understand exactly what you mean. I'll throw my hat in and provide two examples that I can think of:

In the sixth sense "making of" video, Shyamalan explained how he used red to indicate that someone present is dead. When you know that and re-watch it, it's obvious. But when you don't know that and are watching it for the first time, the red is just vivid and jarring.

About repetition: I've heard that events are funny in threes. Comics use that principle a lot. I remember something more subtle though. I watched Dennis Miller's show on HBO with my dad when I was young. Miller made a joke during his monologue that wasn't funny. It fell absolutely flat. And he just sat there staring at the camera with a sheepish grin on his face. After about 30 seconds my dad and I were roaring. I think in comedy, sticking with something over and over again can work.

I've been reading some creative writing books and your advice about associating an intangible monster with something tangible sounds like it could have been written in one of my books. Thank you for that!

I've put more thought into the charcoal grey. Charcoal is dirty, black, and very often destructive (even if the purpose of burning it is constructive). My main characters are engaging in activity that is also dirty, dark, and will likely end up being destructive. However, I think I'd rather err on the safe side and avoid distracting words. I made no other effort to foreshadow or create a menacing mood that predicts their relationship won't end well, so as you've said, it doesn't really fit with the rest of the story.

I really appreciate you helping me out. I'm just starting out with this new hobby and I appreciate your feedback. It is valuable to me and gives me confidence moving forward.