First Submissions

[MollyJwriter]

Hi - In the last few days I have plucked up the courage to submit some of my work and see if it is good enough to join the poems that you very talented folk have submitted to this site.

I would really love your comments (but please be gentle with me).

http://www.literotica.com/p/honey-fruit-and-imagination
http://www.literotica.com/p/pending
http://www.literotica.com/p/safe-6
http://www.literotica.com/p/the-buzz-1

There are more poems coming (waiting to be approved).

Thank you

Regards,

Molly.

 

[Neonurotic]

I like Safe and The Buzz better than the previous poems, the former is best. The avoidance of "I" in the other two poems has you overusing gerunds, which really is kind of boring to me. There are better active words you can use if you rework those poems and it is Ok to put yourself in your poems with 'I', just do it where it's needed and you'll know when it's needed with practice.

 

[MollyJwriter]

Thank you Neonurotic - I will definately take this into consideration and see where I can make improvements - Thanks.