First Submissions in Erotic Poetry Section - Desperately Seeking Feedback

[verseandworse2]

I've just joined Literotica and had four submissions published so far across five days, all in the Erotic Poetry section. Apart from being in verse, with great attention to metre as well, there is nothing 'poetic' about them - the emphasis is on the 'Erotic", not on the 'Poetr'. They tell mini-stories about India.

They can be read in less than 5 minutes.

Will be very grateful for some feedback from the more established poets in the hangout, especially on how to improve.

The links are as follows:
https://www.literotica.com/p/lovers-quarrel-a-hinglish-poem
https://www.literotica.com/p/limericks-1-indian-metro-cities
https://www.literotica.com/p/mary-mary-quite-contrary-7
https://www.literotica.com/p/limericks-2-smaller-indian-cities

 

[verseandworse2]

One more collection of limericks published today, moving the India sex tour in verse beyond its western border, https://www.literotica.com/p/limericks-3-indias-west

Comments and ratings eagerly awaited, indeed being actively sought!

 

[Angeline]

Welcome. I read your submissions. Mind you I've been here many years and seen a great many limericks and erotic poems. Everyone here has their own tastes in poetry but I think it's good to practice forms (even limericks!) and meter. I'm not great with meter myself but I try now and then.

In my experience the best way to improve is to read lots of different poetry, not just here but on your own to see what appeals to you. And the other thing you can do is write poetry every day, write a variety of erotic and non-erotic, traditional forms (you can learn a lot in The Thread of Forms) and free verse. Writing daily is a great way to develop as a poet. Just write!

There are loads of challenges and writing prompts on this forum, ongoing ones and time sensitive ones. Everyone is welcome to participate so feel free to try whatever interests you.

The forum has been very quiet lately but this is a friendly, supportive place. Enjoy your time here and see if you can push yourself outside your comfort zone!

 

[verseandworse2]

Welcome. I read your submissions. Mind you I've been here many years and seen a great many limericks and erotic poems. Everyone here has their own tastes in poetry but I think it's good to practice forms (even limericks!) and meter. I'm not great with meter myself but I try now and then.

In my experience the best way to improve is to read lots of different poetry, not just here but on your own to see what appeals to you. And the other thing you can do is write poetry every day, write a variety of erotic and non-erotic, traditional forms (you can learn a lot in The Thread of Forms) and free verse. Writing daily is a great way to develop as a poet. Just write!

There are loads of challenges and writing prompts on this forum, ongoing ones and time sensitive ones. Everyone is welcome to participate so feel free to try whatever interests you.

The forum has been very quiet lately but this is a friendly, supportive place. Enjoy your time here and see if you can push yourself outside your comfort zone!

I'm familiar with both rhyme and meter. I've practised all the four main kinds - trochiac, iambic, dactyl, anapest - and mixed and matched them too. (I thought that should have been clear from my submissions.) The same goes for line patterns - tetrameter, pentameter, even heptameter (7 feet, 14-15 syllables, very popular form in Indian languages), etc - and rhyming patterns (such as 14 lines for the sonnet, with a very specific way of rhyming them). I've done it all, though not in erotic poetry .

I like to work only on poetry which imposes the discipline of rhyme and meter. Free verse is fine, and masterpieces have been written (and are being written) in free verse, but it is not for me.

You didn't say a word about my specific submissions!

 

[verseandworse2]

Welcome. I read your submissions. Mind you I've been here many years and seen a great many limericks and erotic poems. Everyone here has their own tastes in poetry but I think it's good to practice forms (even limericks!) and meter. I'm not great with meter myself but I try now and then.

In my experience the best way to improve is to read lots of different poetry, not just here but on your own to see what appeals to you. And the other thing you can do is write poetry every day, write a variety of erotic and non-erotic, traditional forms (you can learn a lot in The Thread of Forms) and free verse. Writing daily is a great way to develop as a poet. Just write!

There are loads of challenges and writing prompts on this forum, ongoing ones and time sensitive ones. Everyone is welcome to participate so feel free to try whatever interests you.

The forum has been very quiet lately but this is a friendly, supportive place. Enjoy your time here and see if you can push yourself outside your comfort zone!

You might like to take a look at this one, published today https://www.literotica.com/p/how-do-i-love-thee-4

 

[Angeline]

I'm familiar with both rhyme and meter. I've practised all the four main kinds - trochiac, iambic, dactyl, anapest - and mixed and matched them too. (I thought that should have been clear from my submissions.) The same goes for line patterns - tetrameter, pentameter, even heptameter (7 feet, 14-15 syllables, very popular form in Indian languages), etc - and rhyming patterns (such as 14 lines for the sonnet, with a very specific way of rhyming them). I've done it all, though not in erotic poetry .

I like to work only on poetry which imposes the discipline of rhyme and meter. Free verse is fine, and masterpieces have been written (and are being written) in free verse, but it is not for me.

You didn't say a word about my specific submissions!

I've been here for 20+ years. I used to give very specific feedback, put quite a bit of my time into it only to find that most people are looking for praise and high numeric ratings. I don't feel the rating system here works well and I don't praise poetry unless I think it deserves it. In the case of your poems I don't feel qualified to discuss meter at great length with anyone. As for limericks as a form they don't particularly interest me. And everyone's tastes are different obviously but I prefer erotic poems that are more metaphorical or more serious. That's no slur against your poems, but after you've read about a thousand graphic erotic poems it gets boring. And while I think it's clever to riff on a famous poem, like you did with Elizabeth Barrett Browning's, it's not especially good poetry. Just my opinion of course. There are forms, like the Glosa, where that sort of thing can be done more effectively. Again, my opinion.

I do wish you the best and encourage you to participate on the forum if you really want to learn and improve. That's what I do here. I work on my own writing. And I welcome feedback, too. Everyone here does.

 

[verseandworse2]

Thanks so much for your detailed response. I was trying to get eyeballs actually - the analytics show that the number of people who have looked at my submissions is pathetically low. But I guess Poetry is the least-viewed section in Literotica.

Truly grateful that you responded. I always refer to the kind of stuff I have submitted as 'verse', not 'poetry' at all. It is light hearted and the main emphasis is on form rather than content - the discipline of conveying a complete idea within a fixed number of lines and indeed of syllables, plus making it all rhyme according to a pattern. I'm not a poet at all, purely a versifier. But the discipline needed to write a limerick - just five lines, 3 lines of 10 syllables, 2 lines of just 5, barely 40 words I guess - and which still conveys a complete thought, attracts me.

The 'How Do I Love Thee' was a one-off; something that popped into my mind, don't know how. The original is a poem a former girlfriend of mine used (years ago) to admire very much, and I wrote the parody to annoy her. Ditto with the nursery rhyme, there won't be any more. Have you seen Wombat's submissions (Frost and Wordsworth)? https://www.literotica.com/authors/Wombat69123/works/poetry. I came across them by chance.

I was not aware of 'glosa' but have since looked it up and will read up more. My main inspiration was "The Golden Gate" by Vikram Seth (it is set in California), a complete 300-odd page novel in sonnets. Now that is a feat!

 

[MrMrsMrsMr]

Thanks so much for your detailed response. I was trying to get eyeballs actually - the analytics show that the number of people who have looked at my submissions is pathetically low. But I guess Poetry is the least-viewed section in Literotica.

Truly grateful that you responded. I always refer to the kind of stuff I have submitted as 'verse', not 'poetry' at all. It is light hearted and the main emphasis is on form rather than content - the discipline of conveying a complete idea within a fixed number of lines and indeed of syllables, plus making it all rhyme according to a pattern. I'm not a poet at all, purely a versifier. But the discipline needed to write a limerick - just five lines, 3 lines of 10 syllables, 2 lines of just 5, barely 40 words I guess - and which still conveys a complete thought, attracts me.

The 'How Do I Love Thee' was a one-off; something that popped into my mind, don't know how. The original is a poem a former girlfriend of mine used (years ago) to admire very much, and I wrote the parody to annoy her. Ditto with the nursery rhyme, there won't be any more. Have you seen Wombat's submissions (Frost and Wordsworth)? https://www.literotica.com/authors/Wombat69123/works/poetry. I came across them by chance.

I was not aware of 'glosa' but have since looked it up and will read up more. My main inspiration was "The Golden Gate" by Vikram Seth (it is set in California), a complete 300-odd page novel in sonnets. Now that is a feat!

Like you I am fairly new here. The thing I like about Literotica poets is their diversity of styles. I don’t have the expertise or skills that you have in any shape or form. Thank you for sharing your understanding and work. I really enjoyed reading Angeline’s responses to your work. It is always priceless to get feedback.

There are two very interesting challenges posted this month. It would be interesting seeing what you would do with either of them? The Style of poems you write would be very interesting. x

 

[verseandworse2]

Like you I am fairly new here. The thing I like about Literotica poets is their diversity of styles. I don’t have the expertise or skills that you have in any shape or form. Thank you for sharing your understanding and work. I really enjoyed reading Angeline’s responses to your work. It is always priceless to get feedback.

There are two very interesting challenges posted this month. It would be interesting seeing what you would do with either of them? The Style of poems you write would be very interesting. x

Was not aware. I will look them up. Thanks.

 

[verseandworse2]

Could you post a link to these contests? Would be grateful. Not sure if I can make a submission, because there are so many other things to do. But I would certainly like to know about the contests.

 

[verseandworse2]

@MrMrsMrsMr Thank you for your kind words about my 'poems' too!

 

[Angeline]

Could you post a link to these contests? Would be grateful. Not sure if I can make a submission, because there are so many other things to do. But I would certainly like to know about the contests.

Just take a look at the threads here on the main page of the forum. You'll see December Challenge A and December Challenge B. If you take some time to explore the threads on this page you'll find many challenges. Everyone is welcome (encouraged in fact) to participate. There's quite a lot of good poetry to read in them, too. We've been lucky to have some very talented poets writing here over the years. The "sticky" threads at the top of the page can be helpful, too. It's good to know the forum guidelines and Tzara's Thread of Forms is an excellent starting point for exploring traditional poetry forms.

You can also use the search feature in the upper right of your page to find topics that interest you or just browse.

 

[verseandworse2]

Like you I am fairly new here. The thing I like about Literotica poets is their diversity of styles. I don’t have the expertise or skills that you have in any shape or form. Thank you for sharing your understanding and work. I really enjoyed reading Angeline’s responses to your work. It is always priceless to get feedback.

There are two very interesting challenges posted this month. It would be interesting seeing what you would do with either of them? The Style of poems you write would be very interesting. x

Thanks, I went through some of the challenges. I would have liked to have tried the 'acrostic' one, that's really difficult. Is it even possible to write a poem which (a) rhymes in some pattern (b) includes erotica and (c) is also acrostic? And of course it should make sense too, cannot be a random bunch of words. Perhaps I'll do it just for fun, not for Literotica - though I fear I'll fail.

 

[MrMrsMrsMr]

Thanks, I went through some of the challenges. I would have liked to have tried the 'acrostic' one, that's really difficult. Is it even possible to write a poem which (a) rhymes in some pattern (b) includes erotica and (c) is also acrostic? And of course it should make sense too, cannot be a random bunch of words. Perhaps I'll do it just for fun, not for Literotica - though I fear I'll fail.

Fear not try, that is the fun part. It will be very interesting to see what you come up with. I like the monthly challenges best because: you have to write to a deadline, it’s someone else's idea (often something I would never think of). The interactive part in posting it. Definitely stay on this side of the site. Even if no one responds people are looking. The thoughts you share and leave might inspire someone. More importantly we get to see a diverse and varied poet mastering their style. x happy hunting.

 

[verseandworse2]

Fear not try, that is the fun part. It will be very interesting to see what you come up with. I like the monthly challenges best because: you have to write to a deadline, it’s someone else's idea (often something I would never think of). The interactive part in posting it. Definitely stay on this side of the site. Even if no one responds people are looking. The thoughts you share and leave might inspire someone. More importantly we get to see a diverse and varied poet mastering their style. x happy hunting.

Thanks! Yes, I will!