first submission

[woodacre]

hello, i have just had my first submission approved and was looking to get as much feedback as posible, as i am currently writing the second part.


the story is called- friends enjoyed
section- non-consent

please let me know

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=140065

 

[Guest]

Yep. The forces of Evil is alive and kicking.

Geez. I didn't see that coming in the end.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

There's not much you can say about a story like this. It's a good story as far as it goes, but it doesn't go very far. If I knew what to tell you to make it great, I would; but I don't. I think maybe a little more visual detail might help, and a narrator who wasn't so hot damn-gee-whiz! about everything.

I've got to add that, although I know this is fantasy and I hate to be a wet blanket, the sex kind of reads like it was written by someone who's never had sex. That business about doing vaginal sex after anal without washing is about the worst thing you can do to a woman, and it made me cringe and destroyed all the erotic heat that had gone before. Before that I was willing to give the author the benefit of the doubt, but afterwards it was like, "No way. This guy doesn't know what he's talking about."

Anyhow, for a first story it was very good. Just try and make it a bit more realistic. And use some soap and water.

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

I disagree strongly, doc!

It was a great story and I do those kind of things with my mum and sister who is over 18, all the time!

 

[sexyspiders]

interesting story. i was a bit disappointed to find out exactly wat was going to happen in the first paragraph. i kinda wondered if there was any point in reading on.

i agree with doc on the hygiene thing, and did u check to see if they were on the pill first, you mite find urself with a full house before long!!! i kno we dont need all the details but it makes a girl wonder. i just hope that if a guy does that to me, he might have the consideration to come over my tits and suck it off, rather than fill my pussy and make me pregnant.........just a thot.

spiders >( ' . ' )<

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=106323

 

[Guest]

You guys are no fun.

Do you think it's easy for the guys who eat pussies with blood clot coming out?

Geez.

[size=0.5]Yummy, though.[/size]