First submission. Too literate?

[gauchecritic]

oh well

Hence the name gauchecritic, ladyp.

I don't recall quoting anyone, I said "I was under the impression that... " etc. It was something i learned. Do I have to quote Euclid when I'm doing geometry now?

p.s thanks whisper

 

[ladyphoenix]

Was I riled up?

Fellow Board Members,
It is a shame, I think, that we can't sometimes all have some kind of a cyber conference, where we can all see and hear each other and discuss stories and such. You lose so much, not having voice and body cues.
I was not riled up about anything, as my general rule is to take life easily and only get upset about what really needs to upset me. "Don't sweat the small stuff" as Erma Bombeck used to say.
As far as your question, whisper, nothing was wrong per se. I simply think the artist comment was a bit much. It seemed to say, 'well, because I personally don't like your painting, you aren't a good artist, but not a great one' (I'm using the words he used, so I'm not putting words in his mouth).
I think it's what we're all here for, to give and get opinion and critique of our WORK, not of our status as "good" or "great". That's more subjective and I didn't think it was fair.
However, I apologize for causing anything untoward or any negative feelings. I think you all know me a little bit better than that, and if you don't, ask Josh.

Best,
ladyp

P.S. Maskman, you're on, darlin

 

[Maskman]

Y'all gonna give me a swelled head here, if all y'all keep pilin' it on like this!

I've taken the advice in this thread to heart. All of it. I took a long look at the stories I have "On The Shelf", and have decided to leave them there for the time being. Instead, I've started a new one, also inspired by real events, but again, also with changes enough to protect the guilty. It's 2600+ words so far, and needs probably another 1000 to finish, so should be ready for first edit tomorrow afternoon. The sex doesn't really start until about 2100 words in...so it's to the other extreme from Making Peace.

Look for more mood, more setup, more detail, more dirt, more short sentences, and more short paragraphs. You'll still find word pictures and some longer multi-part sentences.

Thanks again, y'all!


ladyp, I've got a blindfold with your name on it!

 

[Whispersecret]

Ladyp, that's why I was asking. I thought I did know you, but when you said...what was it? Something about keeping his cybertrap shut. That seemed unusually harsh.

My first thought was that you might have a history with Gauche and/or Maskman and there might be undercurrents of which I wasn't aware.

As you said, it's difficult to read accurate tones via the internet. No harm done.

 

[gauchecritic]

cyberconferencing and history

Ladyphoenix.. you can have cyberconferences, surely you know this. PMing or IMing or conferencing call it what you will. I know the time differences are a bit of a bind but conferences, or group chats, with cams, can be had. I must be telling you something you already know, surely. Tell you what, I'll shut my cybertrap now.

And Whisper.. me? a history? with Ladyp? But I'm still a virgin.

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

Hah!




If y'all would be so kind, read my story Making Peace, and tell me what you think.

Does the word choice distract from the story?

Well, I thought the story was fine. In answer to your questions:
I don't think a story can be too literate. Certainly,
"high-falutin" words, chosen to be high-falutin, can detract
from a story. What I saw in this story were words which described the situation quite exactly. You might have had a choice of commoner words, but would they have been as precise a description?

 

[Rainbow Skin]

Um.

'High-falutin'? Sorry, I couldn't see any high-falutin words in it.

It's very good, it's literate, but it's quite ordinary as far as normal publishable writing goes. I don't mean that slightingly, I just mean that if you wrote a non-erotic book like that, no-one would write in the New York Review of Books that my, there were a lot of big words in it.

You seem to be comparing yourself to the common denominator of bad writing. There's no need for that. You write well, literately, but you don't use recherché words or inordinately long sentences.

The first paragraph is carefully phrased, and is complex, and has a lot of thought in it. Perhaps this makes some people expect similar minuteness beyond it, I don't know.

But I honestly, genuinely don't know which words you're thinking of might be in the wrong register: 'roil'? One possibly unfamiliar word in an entire story.

Keep writing like that, it's good, and don't be afraid to be more literate than that.

 

[Callia]

'Roil' is one of my favorite words in fact. You got a big bonus from me when you used it in the first line! I, too, did not find the story 'too literate'. I like literate. I get excited when I read a good metaphor or analogy, so please continue!

My only criticism would be that I would have liked to know what the fight was about, petty as it was. I like specifics. I think they add to the depth of a story. I realize that in a story like this you can't go into a long-winded explanation, but some hint maybe?

There are a couple of typos: an 'it's' instead of 'its' and a 'trust' instead of 'thrust', but seeing as all my apostrophes are messed up on my submissions, I really am not one to talk (even though I am )

Callia

 

[Maskman]

Heh!

Y'all jes' keep on fillin' my head like this, an' soon, I won't fit through the door!

Seriously now, thank you. I write like I speak, at least in that story. The story I have percolating on right now is more conventional, and is actually hard for me to write. I find myself stuck, trying to bridge from one scene to a closely related one, and seem to have writen myself into a corner.

I'll figure it out.

Oh, and thanks for the head's up about the typos... i'd missed them entirely.

 

[AnotherBoredMan]

Remember that erotica is in the eye of the beholder, though some might not find a long winded or broadly worded piece interesting or sexy, other might have been waiting for one to appear. Write only as you enjoy writing, because in the end that is why you are writing at all. We all find ways to express ourselves, and though you may with to soften the verbal pallate in order to appeal to a larger audience, you should in no way feel obligated to do so.

 

[elsol]

Since you asked for frankness...

Too literate?

No.

Why I stopped reading after the first paragraph?

It

a) was a brutal read.

b) did not signal the pay-off for forging onward.

c) showed more of the writer than the character.

B will mitigate A... but B, at least for me, did not exist. I got to the end of the first paragraph, which is certainly long enough to have given me B, and decided I didn't really care what happened afterwards.

Where in the first paragraph do you even tell me it's a couple, and not a brother or sister? Sure it's erotica and the story itself has an 'erotic couplings' label... but you're relying on things outside the story to do your work.


Now... c.

I don't see the character in the first paragraph, I see the writer.

If the character =/= the writer then the story might as well be done with the director's commentary... you're not paying attention to the story but the director.

So am I illiterate?

No... I have a short attention span and this story failed to engage me for the work it promised to be to read it.

ElSol