First submission - tips & pointers would be appreciated!

[rosehight]

Hiya, all! I've just submitted my first little piece:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=303889

Although I've been reading Literotica for a while, writing erotic fiction is a tad harder than I'd imagined - any tips or pointers? I'd be greatful

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Hiya, all! I've just submitted my first little piece:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=303889

Although I've been reading Literotica for a while, writing erotic fiction is a tad harder than I'd imagined - any tips or pointers? I'd be greatful

Actually, for a first story, I'm quite impressed. You have some technical things that need improving, but generally the story works.

You have some grammar errors. Consistantly you use "- -" in the story in place of a comma (,). On a couple of occasions you used it in place of a hyphon (-). Just slow down. Where you need it, one is enough. When you want a pause, use a comma.

These are small things that don't detract from the story overall. It was quite well done. The timing and flow were excellent. The use of the dog to meet the girl was done masterfully. The dialogue is generally correctly punctuated and appropriate.

Good job. Keep it up. I liked it.

 

[rosehight]

Actually, for a first story, I'm quite impressed. You have some technical things that need improving, but generally the story works.

You have some grammar errors. Consistantly you use "- -" in the story in place of a comma (,). On a couple of occasions you used it in place of a hyphon (-). Just slow down. Where you need it, one is enough. When you want a pause, use a comma.

These are small things that don't detract from the story overall. It was quite well done. The timing and flow were excellent. The use of the dog to meet the girl was done masterfully. The dialogue is generally correctly punctuated and appropriate.

Good job. Keep it up. I liked it.

Thanks for the positive feedback, I really do appreciate it

The original document was in MS Word and there were some formatting errors I rather didn't anticipate - I agree, the '--' is very annoying and I'll edit it out as soon as I can, as well as reducing the overall number of parenthesis. Bad habit, I guess.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I was really impressed. You write very well.

Just a bit of a dare. Go through your story and proofread, and listen to Jenny's comments (dashes should be used sparingly, at best).

Then, hold your nose, jump off the high board and submit it re-edited in the Earth Day Contest that's going on now.

Don't promise you'll win a prize, but a lot of people will read you.

Your story needs more exposure.

Elle

 

[Nasha]

Hi, rosehight.

I enjoyed your story; it's full of lovely imagery, particularly in the opening, with the descriptions of the wood, and you succeeded beautifully in making this brief encounter a significant event in the narrator's life, and therefore also a real, complete story, as opposed to an erotic vignette.

Although I've been reading Literotica for a while, writing erotic fiction is a tad harder than I'd imagined - any tips or pointers? I'd be greatful

I'm guessing, from this, and from the quality of your story, that you've been writing for a while, but that it's erotica that's new to you?

I found the sex arousing, and thought you did a nice job getting across a feeling of youthful exuberance, brought to the encounter by May, which seemed to be a bit out of the usual realm of experience for the narrator.

One thing that jarred a bit: would your main character really think of his "manhood" in those terms? It seems awfully prissy for a carpenter in his thirties. When writing sex scenes, it can feel a bit squirmy, finding a vocabulary and a level of detail we're comfortable writing with, but as you do everywhere else in your narrative, try to keep in the voice of your character. For example, at first, I thought "seed" sounded a bit prissy, too, but then it occured to me that's quite in-keeping with the theme of trees and flowers, so it seemed apt, after all.

I hope that's helpful.

-Nasha