First Story - Review Please

lookinforwoman

Experienced
Joined
Jun 2, 2009
Posts
36
While I am waiting on my story to get posted, I am hoping somebody here would care to review my first story....

I had a uneasy feeling in his stomach. While I was excited, I was also very nervous about what was to take place on this night. To understand, you have to go back a few months.

My wife Misty and I were discussing different sexual life styles they have heard of, when Misty mentioned MMF relationships. The conversation turned into a discussion of Misty's fantasy to see me with another guy. This made me a little uneasy, but at the same time, somewhat excited. I had messed around with another guy in college, but made sure it remained a secret. I could not say I did not enjoy it, but I also felt ashamed of it.

With some reluctance, I told my beautiful wife about the incident in college, and she seemed to get very excited. She had asked me if he would ever do it again, and which I basicaly replied, why would I want to.

Fast forward a month, and my wife had invited a guy from work over. She introducted him to me, and we got along pretty good. Brian was a man's man, everything you would expect too, sports, fishing, woman, etc. We started hanging out, playing cards, drinking, going out to dinner, etc. For awhile, I began wondering if Misty had a thing for Brian, but I shrugged it off as parinoia.

Well about a week ago, Misty told me that Brian was bi, and that she wanted me and Brian to get together with her. She said that she had told Brian about my experience in college, and it perked his interest. I had a hard time dealing with the fact that she told him, and also that Brian was bi, I never imagined him to be that way. I thought about the proposition for a couple of days, and agreed to go out and have a date with both of them. I told her I was not promosing that I would go through with it, but secretly in my mind, I was very excited.

I don't know why, but for some reason thinking about a big cock, has always made me excited. Ever since my exeperience in college, I could image holding it and sucking it. I never wanted to really do it again, but I always thought about how fun it just might be to do it with my wife. We agreed to meet for dinner on a Saturday night, and from then head back to our house with Brian.

As we sat at dinner with Brian, I sat next to him on one side, and Misty sat next to him on the other side. I did not really know how to act, in one sense I wanted to act normal, and not let on to anybody what was going on. On the other hand, I wanted to see what I was getting into, and reach down and feel Brians package. Brian made the decision a little easier, by taking control and reaching his hand under the table to my dick. He started squeezing it, which caused me to get rock hard, almost instantly.

I looked under the table and seen he has his other hand under Misty's skirt, and by the look on her face, was really getting her excited and wet.

We finished dinner in a quick hurry and all piled in Misty's car for the short ride home. While Misty was driving, and me and Brian were in the backseat, I reached over and started grouping Brians package. As it got hard, I realized he was hung. It was hard to tell in the car, but when I was squeezing it through his pants, it felt like it must have been 10 inches, and very think. I started thinking I was no where near ready to handle it.

We arrived at home, and gather in the living room. Misty goes to get us all some drinks, which of course was her idea. Brian and I sat next to each other on the couch. He made the first move and undid the button and unzipped my jeans. He pulled them down and off of my legs. We reachs under my underwear and starts playing with my cock. I quickly turn hard again, and he proceeds to pull my underwear off of me. There I was wearing nothing but a tshirt, with my cock pointing straight up in the air, when Misty comes in. She sets the drinks down on the table, and comes over to Brian, where she wastes no time taking all his clothes off. I proceeded by taking my shirt off. Misty then strips down to nothing, showing her well fit slightly tan body.

Misty tells us she just wants to watch for now, so she sits on the chair across from the couch. While I was still nervous, at this point I considered myself commited, and started rubbing Brian's dick. As he started to get hard, I realized I was not mistaken by the size. I get on my knee's in from of him, and start masterbating it like I would my own. I really was loving the feeling of his big hard cock in my hand. As I was jerking off his cock, he slowly, but gently started pushing my head down towards it. I knew what he wanted, and started to lick the front of his cock up and down the shaft. I then started to suck the top, but could not get very far down before gagging. I started taking it more and more until I had about 8 inches in my eager mouth.

As I was sucking him, I would stop and jerk him off. Everytime I stopped, and started jerking, I noticed more and more precum, which I would like off the tip of his cock. Brian suggest we get on the floor, which we did, and switched to a 69 position. He started sucking my cock, as I was sucking his. I have to admit, I was loving it all. I had almost forgot about Misty, when she started moaning and screaming in extasy. She had been mastubating, and could not handle it anymore.

When her orgasim sucecced, she came over and joined me in sucking Brians cock. She then said she wanted to fuck him. Brian got on his back, and Misty slowly lowered herself on his massive member. She fucked him fast and hard as he suckled her nipples. She then had a massive orgasim, and I could see her cum squirting all over his impressive cock. She pulled off of him, and told me to clean him up, which I did without further instruction.

She then demanded that Brian fuck me. I started to worry, I had never been screwed in the ass before, and his cock was massive. But I agreed, as I was excited. Misty turned me over to my knee's and lubed my asshole up with her spit. She told me to keep sucking Brians cock, which I did very happily. She then proceeded to stick a finger in my ass, and after she got it in, started to move it in and out. After a few moments, she inserted another, and then another, and finally a fourth. While a bit uncomfortable, I was enjoying it. After a little bit of that, she told me I was ready.

Brian walked around to the back of me and positioned himself between my legs. Misty got off to the side of me, and started jerking off my cock. I soon felt something at my asshole, and Brian slowly started easing his massive cock into my ass. When he first got the head in, I was about to scream with pain, but as he got further along, it become more and more pleasurably, and less painful. After a few minutes, I started to enjoy it, and felt my cock get harder then I think it ever had before. Misty continued to jerk me off, until she got her head under me, and started sucking my cock, while Brian fucked my ass. After about 10 minutes, I was about ready to blow, when I heard Brian grunt, and unleash what felt like a massive load of cum into my ass. At that point Misty gets behind me, moves Brian out of the way and started licking his cum from my asshole.

When she felt I was good and clean, she tells me its my time to come, and turned me around. Brian then starts sucking my cock, until I blow a load all over his face. Misty cleans that up too.

At this point Brian is ready to go again, and Misty demands thats he fuck her until he cums inside of her. He fucks her for 20 minutes, until he blows a massive load deep inside of her. I am hoping she does not get pregnant, as she is not on birth control.

We all get cleaned up, Brian goes home, and we pass out from sexual exhaustion. But I know, this will not be the end of our sexual deviations, maybe next time, we can get more than one guy.
 
You need an editor, sweetie.

A welcome :kiss: for the little newbie from the good little witch.
 
Hi, Look, welcome to AH, and the good little witch is right. You need an editor, and the time to have gotten one was BEFORE you submitted your story. :eek:
 
While I appreciate the story and the situation, I feel that it would behoove you to read some stories on this site, visit pay sites and read those, and then edit accordingly. I like the situation, and you seem to have a good idea, but both, with conventions and content, you need to improve. This is just one humble person's opinion. If you enjoyed writing it, then by all means continue and enjoy yourself. Good luck and take care.
 
Yeah, guess I was a little quick on submitting it last night.

"Note to self, dont write a story while drunk, and then submit it"!
 
Welcome to the AH.

You should have had an editor before you submitted the story, as Box said.
 
I have to admit, I am not much of a writer. While I enjoy writing, and have a lot of idea's for stories, grammer is not my best subject. But I will try harder next time to ensure I properly proof read my stories a few times.
 
I have to admit, I am not much of a writer. While I enjoy writing, and have a lot of idea's for stories, grammer is not my best subject. But I will try harder next time to ensure I properly proof read my stories a few times.

The story itself is OK. There is some room for improvement, but when isn't there? I'm referring to changing tenses and spelling, and I think others are too. :eek:

By the way, what category did you put it into? :confused:
 
The story itself is OK. There is some room for improvement, but when isn't there? I'm referring to changing tenses and spelling, and I think others are too. :eek:

By the way, what category did you put it into? :confused:
I put it in Group Sex I think.

About the changing tenses, I had started writing it in 3rd person, then decieded it would be better to write it from Chris' point of view.

Is the story to short? Not enough details?
 
I have to admit, I am not much of a writer. While I enjoy writing, and have a lot of idea's for stories, grammer is not my best subject. But I will try harder next time to ensure I properly proof read my stories a few times.

I had a uneasy feeling in his stomach.

This is your first sentence. How can that even be? :confused::confused:
 
I put it in Group Sex I think.

About the changing tenses, I had started writing it in 3rd person, then decieded it would be better to write it from Chris' point of view.

Is the story to short? Not enough details?

Group sex is OK but it might be put in Loving Wives. Management decides where to put stories, but is open to suggestions from the authors. It was rather short, but 750 words is the minimum, and I think it made that. I would have included more details and written a longer story, but some people accuse me of overdoing that. :eek:

I think staying with first person whould have worked better.

Changing tenses refers to switching from past to present tense. Here is an example where you did that, besides spelling "masturbating "wrong:

As he started to get hard, I realized I was not mistaken by the size. I get on my knee's in from of him, and start masterbating it like I would my own
 
Ah I see my mistakes. I should have wrote it in openoffice as well, as it would have caught my spelling mistakes, when gedit did not.

Will they reject it because of the spelling/grammer mistakes? If so I will fix it and resubmit it when they do.

I am going to write another story soon, and I will take my time on it, this one was kinda of on a whim.

Thanks for your pointers and time, I really do appreciate it.
 
You can also remove your story...have it edited and resubmit it...check the FAQ's for details.

Continuing to write is the best way to improve...also enable the grammar and spelling check functions on whatever word processing system you're using. It will edit as you write, saving time.

Welcome to the AH. :D
 
Another question...

Do the authors usually submit their story to the forums for input before they submit them to be added to the story index?
 
You can also remove your story...have it edited and resubmit it...check the FAQ's for details.

Continuing to write is the best way to improve...also enable the grammar and spelling check functions on whatever word processing system you're using. It will edit as you write, saving time.

Welcome to the AH. :D

I agree with what TE is saying. As long as the story has not posted yet, you can pull it, edit it and resubmit it. :D

Another question...

Do the authors usually submit their story to the forums for input before they submit them to be added to the story index?

I think most authors don't. Espe cially, they don't submit them here. There is another forum where authors do submit stories for critique, but I an not suggesting you do that.
 
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You can also remove your story...have it edited and resubmit it...check the FAQ's for details.

Continuing to write is the best way to improve...also enable the grammar and spelling check functions on whatever word processing system you're using. It will edit as you write, saving time.

Welcome to the AH. :D

Enabling those functions will help, but they don't catch everything.
 
Ah I see my mistakes. I should have wrote it in openoffice as well, as it would have caught my spelling mistakes, when gedit did not.

Will they reject it because of the spelling/grammer mistakes? If so I will fix it and resubmit it when they do.
They so will! So, you'll get a second chance :)

The problem with relying on spell check is that it might offer you the correct spelling for the wrongs word; "past" for "passed", or "comb" for come-- it gets pretty funny sometimes...
 
One way to improve is to read. Although, a lot of educational studies show otherwise, they refer to focus, not conventions. Read, write, and before you know it, you'll be writing better than you may have imagined.

(It is also in that igly moment you'll look back on early work and say, how the F*%@ did I write that. It's so damn lame!)

:)

Good luck and keep on writing.
 
One way to improve is to read. Although, a lot of educational studies show otherwise, they refer to focus, not conventions. Read, write, and before you know it, you'll be writing better than you may have imagined.

(It is also in that igly moment you'll look back on early work and say, how the F*%@ did I write that. It's so damn lame!)

:)

Good luck and keep on writing.

And make sure that you tell us each time you post a story. Feedback from others made my writing improve a lot. I'd never written fiction before here and what worked in my academic writing doesn't in porn. ;)

And welcome.
 
Just posted my edited copy here: http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=31357061#post31357061

I also resubmitted it, I hope the mods dont get confused or made, I added EDITED to the end of the title, but I also changed the title a little bit.

You should have included a note that you changed the title as well as edited the story, that way it would avoid the confusion.

That said, seriously, what's the rush? Yeah, I know, you want your work out there for everyone to see. And while you did have several sets of eyes reading it for you on this thread, you do need to find an editor.

You can try the Editor's Forum:
http://forum.literotica.com/forumdisplay.php?f=9

or

Use the Literotica Volunteer Editors Program:
http://www.literotica.com/editors/editors.php

You still changed tenses (from past to present) in a few spots and there were still some issues with grammar and spelling. Overall, the story wasn't bad and it was better than the first version you posted. I'm not into the type of story you wrote, but I read it to give you the benefit of the doubt.

I've cross posted this on your thread in the SF Forum also.
 
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