Miss_Misaki
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2008
- Posts
- 556
Well, I'm considering posting a story to this site, but I'm not very confident in my abilities. I'd feel better if I had an editor to check my story's pertinent qualities, and whether or not it's strong enough to be posted. Any kind of criticism is welcome. I have thick skin. 
The story is all total a little over 7500 words, so it is pretty lengthy. I'm writing on a new computer that is currently without MS Office, so my spelling may be a bit off in places too (but I hope not too much). Anyway, to sum it up in a few words, a man has been stalking my female character for nearly a year, and he finally makes good on his carefully laid plans to introduce himself to her, in his own way. I'm hoping the character development is sound, but I suspect it's not. Here's a small preview:
Stalking Lily
It was all happening tonight. Lamont Bingham licked his lips and stared hungrily at the familiar image of Lily Gimmel as she trudged wearily through the driveway of her small house in the rural outskirts of Idaho Falls. She had just returned home from work, and although she was now at the onset of a week-long vacation, her face certainly didn’t show it. He understood why, though; working eight hours a day in that hellhole that she called a job would be enough to make anyone look defeated and tired at the end of the day. Add to that the fact that Lily had this empty house to return to every day, and that she didn’t even have the money to go anywhere for her vacation, was it any wonder that she look so dejected? But little did she know that soon – very soon now – she was going to have some unexpected company to change all that. Lamont shuddered slightly in excitement as he ran his plan through his mind for what seemed like the millionth time. Tonight, when she stepped into the bathroom to take her nightly bath, he was going to steal inside and finally make his move. At long last, he was going to take action.
For nearly an entire year, he had passively watched and worshiped Lily from afar. It seemed so unlike him to feel so awkward and shy around a girl, since he had been a very popular kid in high school, and he'd had his share of girlfriends and lovers. But for some reason, whenever he thought of approaching Lily, he couldn’t seem to make his voice work properly, and he got all sweaty and nervous. So for a while, he was content to simply watch her from a safe distance, and spy on her daily activities with rapt attention.
...
The story is all total a little over 7500 words, so it is pretty lengthy. I'm writing on a new computer that is currently without MS Office, so my spelling may be a bit off in places too (but I hope not too much). Anyway, to sum it up in a few words, a man has been stalking my female character for nearly a year, and he finally makes good on his carefully laid plans to introduce himself to her, in his own way.
I'm hoping the character development is sound, but I suspect it's not. Here's a small preview:Stalking Lily
It was all happening tonight. Lamont Bingham licked his lips and stared hungrily at the familiar image of Lily Gimmel as she trudged wearily through the driveway of her small house in the rural outskirts of Idaho Falls. She had just returned home from work, and although she was now at the onset of a week-long vacation, her face certainly didn’t show it. He understood why, though; working eight hours a day in that hellhole that she called a job would be enough to make anyone look defeated and tired at the end of the day. Add to that the fact that Lily had this empty house to return to every day, and that she didn’t even have the money to go anywhere for her vacation, was it any wonder that she look so dejected? But little did she know that soon – very soon now – she was going to have some unexpected company to change all that. Lamont shuddered slightly in excitement as he ran his plan through his mind for what seemed like the millionth time. Tonight, when she stepped into the bathroom to take her nightly bath, he was going to steal inside and finally make his move. At long last, he was going to take action.
For nearly an entire year, he had passively watched and worshiped Lily from afar. It seemed so unlike him to feel so awkward and shy around a girl, since he had been a very popular kid in high school, and he'd had his share of girlfriends and lovers. But for some reason, whenever he thought of approaching Lily, he couldn’t seem to make his voice work properly, and he got all sweaty and nervous. So for a while, he was content to simply watch her from a safe distance, and spy on her daily activities with rapt attention.
...
