First story posted

[Fingerhead]

Gay First Time, with Besexual aspects.

Would love to hear your feedback, positive or negative.

https://www.literotica.com/s/my-friend-joe-2

 

[yowser]

This is an honorable first effort, well done. And welcome to Lit, hopefully a start for many more.

It has the potential for being an excellent piece, and I like how you set the main characters’ personalities and context. (And resisted hyperbolic descriptions of sex and bodily parts.)

Here are some possible places to improve:

Transitions are often a bit sudden, and may catch readers off-guard, or at least leave them with too many questions for the tale to flow smoothly. (The canceled concert, and Joe's reaction, while potentially understandable, come as a bit of a surprise.) A little more context (and readers often appreciate a concrete: what band? what town? this could be anywhere in the US and a little 'hook' would be welcome) would improve matters.

Overall writing mechanics are sound, certainly better than average here, and with a little more shading your characters (other than your narrator, who is fine) would come sharply into life. I know the girlfriend and her buddy are 'extras' and you wouldn't want to spend a lot of time on them, but they are a bit thin to picture satisfyingly.

First time anal penetration usually doesn't go off quite so smoothly, even a little bit of hesitation and fumbling for wetness etc. would be arousing.

The bisexual arena sadly here isn't as welcome or popular as one might think, so if your efforts continue along these lines you may struggle to get a decent crowd of interested readers. But I like your folks' background, the motives of the participants, and the resolution. As you have presumably gathered, submissions with even the hint of 'underage' sex must cross a minefield here, and you navigated it adroitly.

I'll give a closer read and get back to you with any further details, but didn't want you waiting too long. (That first story always makes you hold your breath.)

And the long, flat bench-seats on those 60s era American cars were fabulous...

 

[Fingerhead]

This is an honorable first effort, well done. And welcome to Lit, hopefully a start for many more.

It has the potential for being an excellent piece, and I like how you set the main characters’ personalities and context. (And resisted hyperbolic descriptions of sex and bodily parts.)

Here are some possible places to improve:

Transitions are often a bit sudden, and may catch readers off-guard, or at least leave them with too many questions for the tale to flow smoothly. (The canceled concert, and Joe's reaction, while potentially understandable, come as a bit of a surprise.) A little more context (and readers often appreciate a concrete: what band? what town? this could be anywhere in the US and a little 'hook' would be welcome) would improve matters.

Overall writing mechanics are sound, certainly better than average here, and with a little more shading your characters (other than your narrator, who is fine) would come sharply into life. I know the girlfriend and her buddy are 'extras' and you wouldn't want to spend a lot of time on them, but they are a bit thin to picture satisfyingly.

First time anal penetration usually doesn't go off quite so smoothly, even a little bit of hesitation and fumbling for wetness etc. would be arousing.

The bisexual arena sadly here isn't as welcome or popular as one might think, so if your efforts continue along these lines you may struggle to get a decent crowd of interested readers. But I like your folks' background, the motives of the participants, and the resolution. As you have presumably gathered, submissions with even the hint of 'underage' sex must cross a minefield here, and you navigated it adroitly.

I'll give a closer read and get back to you with any further details, but didn't want you waiting too long. (That first story always makes you hold your breath.)

And the long, flat bench-seats on those 60s era American cars were fabulous...

Great suggestions. Thanks very much.