First Story posted!! Any Feedback?

[sachiaiko]

Hey guys! Soooo, i finally got my first story posted. Hehe. I'm so incredibly excited about it. I've gotten a few great votes so far on it, and it was only posted earlier today so i'm about jumping for joy!

Anyhow, I would love some feedback on the story, but be gentle as this is the first time i've ever shared anything publicly! (gentle but honest heh)

This story was a couple firsts for me. For one, its writen in first person, something i'm unused to but i really enjoyed and second its writen from the MALE perspective. And since i'm female, it was interesting and much fun to write. Anyhoot. Its kinda romantic/vampire/virgin stuff, so... let me know what you guys think!

Heres the link -

Love at first bite?

::blushes furiously, and runs after posting this::

 

[kristydoll]

Congrats on posting your first story - you did a good job with it *smiles*.

First person is not my favorite reading, but I didn't mind it in this story.

Also, I thought you did a good job writing from "his" point of view".

My only criticisms would be I found some long sentences that could have been made into shorter ones and a little overall tightening-up is all.

Good job - keep writing!

kristy

 

[sachiaiko]

::beams::

Thank you so much Kristydoll for your feedback! I was a little concerned i'd screw up the "his" point of view, but i am getting really great feedback so far on it. It was a challenge for sure, one i'm glad i followed through on!

The long sentances.. yes, i do have that problem at times, i do try and work on it often. Thanks for pointing it out for sure. Do you think you'd read a second chapter (one that would be from Ash's point of view of teh next day/night) if i was to write it? I am so excited :chuckles:

thanks again for the feedback.

Nik

 

[kristydoll]

I'd read subsequent chapters *smiles*

Always your choice, but why the need to tell from "her" point of view now - and not continue with "his"? - just a curiousity of mine.

kristy

 

[sachiaiko]

Mainly because i'd like for the reader to get to know her as well as him. If i do end up writing anotehr chapter it will likely turn into a few more chapters. It was a thought i'd had, each chapter being from a different perspective, his then hers and what not. I dunno. But if people seem to like Shade more and want to stick with his outlook, i'll prolly stick to that. He's certainly fun to write.



Nik

 

[Zaudika]

ya know..... usually I dont read, nor like 1st person stories. When you first mentioned it in your post infact I almost skipped over the story. I am so glad I didn't. I can't believe this is the first one you've posted, and I hope that you post many more. It is by far one of the best that I've read on literotica. It's beyond sexy, turned me on extremely,.. lovely and romantically with a playful side written...
I hope you write more.... especially about these two characters.
-Z

 

[sachiaiko]

Z-

Thank you *SO* much for that feedback. You have no idea how incredibly pleased it makes me to read what you wrote. I really love to write, and not only is it the only thing i've posted so far, its the first thing i've really FINISHED and SHARED in any public way. And to have it recieved like this with so much excitement truly makes me feel like i'ma burst wide open with pride!! This was also my first attempt at First person POV period. So i am really excited by the results. I will *deffinately* keep writing. And i am hoping to do more with these two characters, everyone seems to love them so much!!

Thank you again, getting feedback like this is just more then i thought i could even hope fore. You arent the only one, and i just feel so incredibly great right now!!

::hugs and kisses and snuggles::

Nik

 

[sachiaiko]

*BUMP*

I would still really love more feedback on my story if anyone has some time? I'd apreciate it tons

Nikki