first story gitters

[lusciouslips1]

hey guys. this is my first story and i would like to know what you think about it. positive or negative feedback is much appreciated. i have always loved to write stories before, but this is my first venture into the erotic style of writing. thank you in advance.




http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=60386

 

[Levelord]

hey guys. this is my first story and i would like to know what you think about it. positive or negative feedback is much appreciated. i have always loved to write stories before, but this is my first venture into the erotic style of writing. thank you in advance.




http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=60386

hey luscious.

I loved the story. the her doing your ass part was the best. you wrote very well. too bad you didn't have a guy in that story lol

 

[lusciouslips1]

thank you levelord. well i'm very happy that you liked it. i hope everyone else will too. i could write one with a guy in it..lol

 

[Levelord]

thank you levelord. well i'm very happy that you liked it. i hope everyone else will too. i could write one with a guy in it..lol

no problem, luscious. I enjoyed it. took ya long enough to respond to me lol.

I was over at my forums just killing time till you responded

 

[gauchecritic]

A personal opinion

I don't usually read lesbian stories, but you did ask and I must admit I was very impressed by your style, not too much dialogue (unlike mine)nice inclusion of sensations (unlike mine) and very well paced, the only criticisms I can make (I hope they are constructive) are 1) It was v.short (which is sometimes a good thing) and 2) I find a little more suspense leads to greater anticipation eg the talk in the restaurant, if longer and 'jucier' would have created a more thrilling finale.

Hope it helps

Gauchecritic

 

[gauchecritic]

p.s Jitters is spelled with a J.

lol

Gauchecritic

 

[lusciouslips1]

lol. thanks. i think that all criticism is constructive. and i thank you for reading my story. just to let everyone know, the way i talk or rather "type" in here is nowhere near what i type when i'm telling a story lol. and thanks for the spelling error on jitters, being an english major i should have known that.

 

[lusciouslips1]

Re: A personal opinion

I don't usually read lesbian stories, but you did ask and I must admit I was very impressed by your style, not too much dialogue (unlike mine)nice inclusion of sensations (unlike mine) and very well paced, the only criticisms I can make (I hope they are constructive) are 1) It was v.short (which is sometimes a good thing) and 2) I find a little more suspense leads to greater anticipation eg the talk in the restaurant, if longer and 'jucier' would have created a more thrilling finale.

Hope it helps

Gauchecritic

i admit i normally don't write lesbian stories, but this was a special request of a friend who knew about it. he said it would be a good addition here. i hope it is. 98% of my stories are normal guy/girl maybe one or two more added in for spice though lol

 

[Levelord]

luscious story got me turned on. I can only imagine what her story with guy vs girl can be .. -raWr-

 

[lusciouslips1]

luscious story got me turned on. I can only imagine what her story with guy vs girl can be .. -raWr-

thanks levelord. i'll try to get better with each story.

 

[Levelord]

luscious..

you seem all into this kinda stuff.. you should check out my forums. link is in profile. you will fit RIGHT in :-D