First story at lit

[Nyte_BlackRose]

So I posted my first story on lit, and was hoping for some feedback and/or comments on it, the link is in my sig. Thanks in advance.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Hey Nyte--

It's a good story, and very well written. You should do very well here in Lit.

You're very good with the detail of what you were doing in the story, but as in so many things, your strong point can be your weak point too. I think there's maybe a bit too much close description of every move and action, and after awhile I was kind of longing for the camera to pull back a little and get a little more descriptive of the bigger picture: how she was reacting rather than focusing so tightly on what was being done to her, and how the narrator was feeling too. She moans and squirms, but that's about it. I didn't get much of a sense of interaction between the characters. It's obvious the narrator loves what he's doing, but I would have liked to have been in on his thoughts more.

Still, it's a nice little story. You're great with those details.

Best,

--dr.M.

 

[Nyte_BlackRose]

Hey Nyte--

It's a good story, and very well written. You should do very well here in Lit.

You're very good with the detail of what you were doing in the story, but as in so many things, your strong point can be your weak point too. I think there's maybe a bit too much close description of every move and action, and after awhile I was kind of longing for the camera to pull back a little and get a little more descriptive of the bigger picture: how she was reacting rather than focusing so tightly on what was being done to her, and how the narrator was feeling too. She moans and squirms, but that's about it. I didn't get much of a sense of interaction between the characters. It's obvious the narrator loves what he's doing, but I would have liked to have been in on his thoughts more.

Still, it's a nice little story. You're great with those details.

Best,

--dr.M.

Hello, and thank you Dr. M. I appriciate your comments, and input. I will try to work on those points more. This was actually my first erotic story, written at the request of another litster, and was sort of written to her, hence the mostly one sided perspective. Maybe I should have left a note about that so people were aware hehe.

Again thank you.

N

 

[dr_mabeuse]

That's how I started writing here too: writing up fantasies for women. Literary sex. You get to imagine the whole seduction, and then share it with someone. If you're a word junkie like me, it's better than phone sex.

For what it's worth, what I learned is that women really get off on knowing how she makes you feel in the fantasy. They want to see the look in your eyes and feel the passion in your touch. They don't care as much about the details of who does what as they do about the feelings behind the acts.

But ultimately, if she liked it, then it's a success. It's a very good first story, and I'm betting she was quite pleased.

---dr.M.

 

[Nyte_BlackRose]

That's how I started writing here too: writing up fantasies for women. Literary sex. You get to imagine the whole seduction, and then share it with someone. If you're a word junkie like me, it's better than phone sex.

For what it's worth, what I learned is that women really get off on knowing how she makes you feel in the fantasy. They want to see the look in your eyes and feel the passion in your touch. They don't care as much about the details of who does what as they do about the feelings behind the acts.

But ultimately, if she liked it, then it's a success. It's a very good first story, and I'm betting she was quite pleased.

---dr.M.

I will keep that in mind. And yes, she was quite pleased. As were the couple other ladies I let see it before it got posted here. Actually, it was her idea for me to post it here at all. Maybe I will start in on another when I am off tomorrow...

 

[Erlikkhan]

Good story. You are a talented writer. Only comment is that I would try to get inside her head a little more rather than describe her reactions althought that is hard to do in the first person.

What the fuck is a "wartenburgher wheel"?

 

[Nyte_BlackRose]

Good story. You are a talented writer. Only comment is that I would try to get inside her head a little more rather than describe her reactions althought that is hard to do in the first person.

What the fuck is a "wartenburgher wheel"?

Thank you very much for your comment. A wartenburgher wheel is a medical tool, basically a small handle, a free spinning, spiked disk at the end, you roll it over the skin and it has a prickly feel, very nice.

 

[Winemaster]

can only sit here and say...

I envy your writing!

 

[niteloser]

I still like reading it! You are a wonderful writer!

 

[Nyte_BlackRose]

Thank you to those who posted, especially you nitey