First serious sexual partner - How did it effect your subsequnet sexual paths ?

[irishwoody]

Hello,

Virgin - original poster here - so be easy with me...

SweetErika started another thread about keeping in touch with first Loves. While answering that thread that I started to wonder about the effect that a first serious sexual partner has on a persons subsequnet sexual awakening/development. Does it lay down "paths" to be followed later in life ? Does it determine sexual likes ans dislikes for subsequent lovers or is it just the first steps for many in our individual life paths ?

So for those for have had more than one serious sexual relationship I would love to hear their views on this.

Irishwoody

 

[VelvetDarkness]

She was a she, and so I knew from very early on that I was bi. I never once thought of myself as lesbian, just bi without all the experience required to back my hypothesis up.

Since I started out like that, I have always been open-minded and adventurous, which explains how I have gained more knowledge about my sexual self than a lot of people I know. I'm very submissive and masochistic and had the course of my lovelife been a standard one, I may never have made those discoveries.

 

[wicked woman]

Good question.


I think it did contribute to my attitude about sex. It was fun, felt good...he was experienced, open minded, and adventurous...and I benefited for it. I think he's part of the reason I've never thought negatively about sex...that it's sinful...something to be ashamed of.

Thanks R, for a great start.

 

[silverwhisper]

irishwoody queried:
i started to wonder about the effect that a first serious sexual partner has on a persons subsequnet sexual awakening/development. does it lay down "paths" to be followed later in life ? does it determine sexual likes ans dislikes for subsequent lovers or is it just the first steps for many in our individual life paths?

great question!

i don't think that there's a one-size-fits-all answer. for my part, it absolutely did have an impact in terms of what i consider important in a sexual encounter (both positively and negatively): an emotional connection with my partner(s), a desire to remain engaged and in the moment, and a desire to express desire and affection.

ed

 

[Eilan]

My first sexual partner was my ex-husband, whom I also posted about in Erika's first loves thread. We learned about sex and relationships together, I guess, though I wouldn't say we were particularly sexually adventurous. I'd like to hope that we also learned from the relationship mistakes that led to our separation/divorce.

To be honest, I'd say that my second sexual partner (my husband) was more instrumental to my sexual awakening/development. And I'm not just saying that because he might read this thread!

 

[midwestyankee]

It was mostly pointless, faulty, clumsy, quick, and almost forgettable. I'm grateful that it had no predictable effect whatsoever on my subsequent sex life.

 

[bobsgirl]

It taught me far more about what I didn't want than what I did want.

 

[pinkflames]

I was with my first partner for 8 years. The only thing I learnt from that relationship is that the man I was with for the next 13 years was the most selfish childish lover on the planet, and the man I've been with for 4 years is a great lover. Partner number one and I were both very inexperienced and happy to explore and learn together but, being a curious person, I probably would have learnt many of those things with others anyway.

 

[PertPerth]

It was mostly pointless, faulty, clumsy, quick, and almost forgettable. I'm grateful that it had no predictable effect whatsoever on my subsequent sex life.

This sums up my first too.

 

[irishwoody]

It was mostly pointless, faulty, clumsy, quick, and almost forgettable. I'm grateful that it had no predictable effect whatsoever on my subsequent sex life.

To Midwestyankee -
I wasnt talking about the first sexual partner - but the first "serious partner". I was not that interested in one night stands, fumbles in the dark etc. perhaps you could comment / answer the question posed ? Perhaps my question was not claer enough. Thanks

 

[satindesire]

My first three sexual partners were young and inexperienced, and didn't care two shits about my sexual satisfaction. They -were- my serious partners, I don't do one night stands. All long-term relationships.

I didn't have my first orgasm til I was 20. My fourth sexual partner and serious relationship was responsible for that.

In my youth, because of the complete lack of sexual pleasure I was feeling, I often wondered what the 'big deal' was about sex. Everyone talked about it like it was so great but no one explained to me that my lack of orgasm was to blame for my "this isn't so awesome after all" attitude. No one sat me down and told me what a clitoris was, explained female genital anatomy, orgasm, foreplay, nothing. I didn't have access to the internet (my family was dirt poor and I don't think I would have ever thought to look in spite of it) and I had no frank and open communication with any people my age that actually KNEW anything about sex.

Even though my mother and father had always been so honest about sex, 99% of my sexual education from them was reproduction, STD prevention, pregnancy and birth control. The ins and outs of pleasurable sex I suppose was just too sensitive a topic.

That's why, now that I counsel young people, I always stress REAL sexual education. Not only how to protect themselves against STDs and unwanted pregnancy, but also the function and location of their anatomy, sexual response and experience, techniques, and etc. If these young people don't get taught what real sex is like, they'll learn from porn, which anyone who knows anything about sex understands is nothing like real sex. I don't want any girl to 'grow up' sexually to think like I did.

 

[sterculius]

My first sexual partner was my best friend in high school. We had a suck buddy relationship during which I did most of the sucking after we discovered how much I really loved giving him blowjobs. It lasted for over two years until college and although I'm primarily attracted to women, I still like to suck the occasional cock.

 

[lindahotstuff]

Apart from the fumbling and jerking, my first serious sexual partner was a guy of 30 when i was 18. He was very experienced sexually and really knew how to give me pleasure. He had a taut body and was very well endowed. He focused on me, not him, and brought me to orgasm several times in a luxurious hotel room. I think I was 'turned on' to sex from that moment and became quite uninhibited and constantly pursuing great sex, not just good sex. And I never stayed with a partner who didn't give me pleasure. I leanrned about giving pleasure a little later and found teh joy of sexually fulfilling relationships where every effort is given to have long lasting and mutually enjoyable sex.

 

[BrazenFellow]

I had read some books and fortunately, the authors mentioned female orgasm. I was interested in seeing this firsthand, so I did a little research on female masturbation techniques - because I found most advice on "how to lick" and "how to fuck" to be asinine or just the same three tips repeated over and over - so I combined that information with some thinking on how best to achieve that using the equipment I was issued with.

Year and a half later I had my first woman and found out firsthand just how amazing female orgasm is. With one long term lover who was a virgin when we met, I was careful to introduce her to sex gradually as she became comfortable with things, always seeing to her pleasure and encouraging her, helping her technique along. It was a very fulfilling relationship.

 

[Etaski]

Cool question.

Hmm. My first was also my first-serious.

I learned to orgasm quite young, had consistent curiosity and a mother who would answer direct questions honestly/bluntly/without judgment. I dug up lots of reading/picture material (and was given Nancy Friday books by my mom at 17; thanks, Ma!) over 10 years before actually having sex.

Sooo....I think I was trying to actively apply the theory in practice (which proved not as easy as it sounded reading about it) rather than thinking as much about...um...connection and marriage. (College was for experimenting, right?)

Which, considering I was (in personality and force of will) the dom and my new boyfriend was the sub, it sort of made him my new experimental toy. Very exciting for him to start out because I was his first, too, he was finally having sex at 19, but I think I was going too fast for him. He started wondering where the hell I was coming up with all these ideas.

It also led to him figuring out very decidedly what he was and wasn't comfortable with (I give him props for trying what I asked at least once, most of the time)...and me knowing that I wanted 'more' and also that, for both our sakes, I had to refuse his impending marriage proposal (just because that was the next, traditional step after 2 years of dating, in his mind; never mind if we were compatible).

My next long-term lover was 5 years older than me, very experienced, kinky, and now my husband of 6 years (legally). So yeah, I would say my first definitely effected my path and defined some things for me.

 

[infinity706]

I'm actually not sure how well I can answer this question despite being far from a virgin. You see, my serious relationships actually haven't involved sex, where as I've had well over 100 hookups. The first was long distance and lasted close to 3 years. We never met in person, but we did have plenty of fun anyway. Now, my other serious one lasted about 3 months. I've spoken on it before, but it was with a cute woman who was extremely big on the idea that she could do anything a guy could do. I was actually her supervisor, but I didn't have an official position, so it didn't violate any fraternization policies. Anyway, I knew she was experienced because she'd had 3 live in boyfriends in the past. Since she wanted to be so equal to guys, I was going to sit back and let her seduce me herself. I did work on the intimacy quite a bit, but I never physically laid a finger on her in the whole 3 months. I was hoping she'd finally crack and jump me or something. Instead, she quit her job one day, moved to Florida, and I never heard from her again. Of course, what I learned from friends, she had the idea that I was the sweet, innocent virgin. Toward the beginning, though, she was even pissed off by the fact that I gave her a ride home in the middle of the night, to her empty apartment and didn't try to seduce her. Of course, she wasn't the type that felt she owed a guy sex in exchange for a favor. It was more trying to put herself in a position that most guys would see as an opportunity. I've gotten teased numerous times about how I got dumped because I wouldn't fuck.

Now as for hookups, a lot of them have been substandard and wanted to treat me like a bargain basement whore. We're talking to the point of them literally doing nothing but showing up. There have been other that knew I had a submissive side, so they wanted to try out their dom fantasies. Unfortuanately, they all seemed to think being a dom meant unlimited power to do whatever the fuck they wanted and were shocked when they ended up pinned to the wall.

Of course, there have been others that have evolved into long term fuck buddies. Unfortunately, my favorite has about 50 years on me, but that doesn't mean we won't enjoy the hell out of it while we can.

 

[gloriann]

My first serious sexual partner made me want to seek out someone who actually knew about sex and knew what they were doing.

 

[FirmTofu]

My first sexual partner was interesting. She didn't like to have sex because she couldn't cum vaginally, so I ended up performing oral A LOT. I basically mastered oral early on thanks to her The sex that we had was boring and most of the time I had her finish me with a BJ.

 

[sailorpaul]

My first real sexual partner was when I was a senior in high school. I'd been sneaking down to the clubs downtown to listen to the motown acts coming through. Meanwhile the other side of Liberty Avenue housed the strip clubs.

I was well behaved on the music side of the street, so those bouncers gave a thumbs up later when I tried to sneak in on the other dancer's side.

My first real girlfriend and sexual partner was the 27 year-old feature stripper at one of those clubs. That relationship lasted through my sophomore year in college when I went west to Calfornia and points south. I learned to talk openly, to listen, and how to make her happy. She returned the favor many times over.

She could walk down the street at lunch hour and pedestrian traffic would litterally grind to a halt about 50 feet in front of and 50 feet behind her. Beautiful face, short, and tiny -- but it was ALL about the way she moved.

The one regret... she had a little Cuban lady who traveled with her to do costumes, hair and be a companion. That lady spent many hours sitting in a chair in the same bedroom, watching, legs crossed and foot swinging. Back then I was too young and too stupid to understand what that was all about.

 

[Feral_Intelligence]

I was a virgin until only about six months ago. I have only had one sexual partner. She was my first and only, so I do not know exactly what the affect will be in the long run. Still, I know that it has left a big impact on me. My time with her brought out things that I did not fully understand were inside of me. I feel a lot more confident, sexually, thanks to her. I had always worried that I might be inadequate, but she showed me I was not.

I admit there was a downside. I have had a lot of trouble letting go of her after that. I would be content to only have sex with only one person in my life. There was some guilt I did have to deal with feeling like I had given into my sexual desires to easily as well. Still, even if I regret giving up my virginity, I am glad that it was with a woman that I did love.

 

[MALIBUMAN666]

My first partner was a girl who was 3 years older than me, I was 18 at the time.

Being a stupid virgin I was just happy to be able to touch a woman! But far from being the woman to teach me, she was the one who needed teaching! It was immensely frustrating and it was only after the relationship ended and I met someone else that I truly realised what a disaster it had been. She had never had an orgasm, and she didn't seem to want to, which to this day I don't understand.

When I met my second girlfriend (who I married) I was straight with her about my experiences and she was totally cool, she just told me, rub there and I made her cum straight away... it was like - WOW!

I think my first relationship almost certainly imbued me with the seeds of the Femdom fetish. In fact sometimes I wonder if she wouldn't have been the perfect woman to fulfill my most extreme Femdom fantasies, I think she would probably have relished the opportunity to abuse my cock and balls and spoil my orgasms, not to mention fucking me with huge strapons and such like. And orgasm denial would have been a dream to her, she did it most of the time anyway - cos we didn't have sex!!

Three wasted years.

But still.

The next woman I met 6 months later and we were planning our wedding in two weeks and we're still totally happy 17 years later. So it all worked out okay in the long run.

 

[DracnKitten]

I must say that my first SERIOUS sexual partner most certainly effected my sexual path, even if I didn't choose it. It was my step-father. It doesn't matter how old I was, I wasn't old enough.

For a long time I hated sex, then I loved it- way more than was healthy. First I hated anything to do with incest play . . . now I feel like I can't live without it. I have never been able to truly make love, I don't understand the concept and can't do it without thinking of him.

It helped me realize my submissiveness, my need for pain and lack of control.

I don't know if it was good or bad, or if what comes from it is good or bad. But, in answer to the question at hand- yes, definitely, an effect.

 

[carrie-on]

My first was when I was very young but we sure had fun. We also played in the shower afterwards and to this day, fooling around in the shower is one of my favorite things. I think, because of that, that any kind of water turns me on...showers,pools,lakes,rainstorms.

 

[vrosej10]

My first partner was my long time boyfriend from high school. I was 16. He was a weird guy. played I love you/I hate you games with me for years. It has left me with an almost uncontrollable urge to please any man who is very inconsistant with his affections. If this had been the only guy I'd slept with, I would be seriously fucked up by now.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

my first serious sexual partner taught me the importance of demanding that I get pleased first. He was very selfish and unless it was something that got him off, he wasnt going to do it.

I've had one other serious sexual partner. I learned a lot from that relationship, both good and bad. I'm now extremely self-conscious of the odor of my girly bits smell because of the constant requests to do something about the smell towards the end of the relationship, and am a lot more of an "I dont give a shit about you" type of attitude towards others.

Yeah, I'm starting to get a bit jaded now on a lot of things relationship related (any type). Things typically start out good and then go downhill and stay there before I realize it.