First posting on this board BDSM/bondage)

[Pete051]

Hi People
Despite have a few stories and a couple of poem up on here this is the first time I've posted on this board so OK, this is the latest one theme is BDSM/bondage if you're interested in the rest I'm sure you know how to get to them, tell me what you think http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=200923 forgot the link, sorry folk
Pete

 

[Singularity]

24 Hours, Etc.

I read through the 24 Hours chapters, and while the dialog and the pace was good overall, I think there are some things that will improve your standing with your readers.

First of all, the chapters are all very short. I would roll them into one posting, personally. There isn't really enough to get the reader engaged and then *poof* it's over with.

Second, the story is in the "I/you" format, which many readers struggle with as being hard to read and hard to relate to the characters (especially the "you" person).

There are some formatting and syntax things that trip you up now and again, too, but those are not too much to worry about.

I think combining the chapters together into one story will help you grab and hold the reader's interest longer and result in a more satisifying reading experience.


Sin.