First Poetry Submission

[amber03]

Hi All

This is my first poetry submission accepted by Lit.
Would love any feedback on it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=440718

Amber
x

 

[cutestguy]

Good work and you can post it here too instead of keeping it there.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

One thing I might mention is that every line doesn't have to start with a capital letter only new sentences. Try it and see if you think the words flow better