First Pixie Story Written and Looking for Readers

[JayG88]

Hi, I'm Jay, I joined the site a couple of days ago and today uploaded (pending approval) my first story. It's the first in a series I hope to write about the trails and tribulations and erotic doings of Pixie, a petite, blonde who somehow finds herself in all sorts of compromising situations. I really, really would appreciate some guys and ladies who'd be willing just to give it a quick read and let me know there thoughts. It's the first erotic fiction I've ever written and I am so keen to write more and hopefully find an audience who loves my character as much as I do and finds pleasure in my work. Let me know if you can help out. So much appreciated, thanks!

 

[8letters]

When the story is published, post a link

 

[JayG88]

8letters Here's a link to the first story in the series. https://www.literotica.com/s/the-pixie-stories-01

Hope you like it.

 

[hylas_]

It made me laugh a couple of times, I will say that ("her epic cacophonous typing session." LOL) I enjoyed the light, comedic tone of it all. I'm pretty sure some of the humour wasn't intentional, though ("he stole a nanosecond of her cleavage")

To be honest, I think your writing is still pretty rough. But you seem to be having fun, and I think the best way to improve is to just keep writing!

A couple of pointers:
- Your story is in bad need of proofreading!
- Look up how paragraphs in dialogue work.
- The POV shifts were clumsy. I recommend sticking to one POV for now.

Hope some of that helps!

 

[8letters]

Fun story. I enjoyed it.

I second what hylas said.

 

[ElectricBlue]

There are some great observational lines in here, some of them wonderfully funny, but the whole read for me fell apart with the poor punctuation (especially with so much dialogue). I'm no grammar Nazi and am usually very forgiving, but I had to work too hard to keep up. Punctuation, properly used, makes reading easier, not harder.

I didn't score, but if I had it would have been been a five for chutzpah, a two for construction. Pixie is a great little character.

Your writing is fine, it's the bits in between the words that need work - that's fixable.

 

[JayG88]

Thanks for your comments. I know how distracting some of the sloppy technical aspects are. I have resubmitted it and fixed many of those things that were wrong with it. Part II and III are far superior and i hope to have on the site shortly - plus they've been scrutinized by an editor so should be a vast improvement. It's an introduction and a first attempt but as i say the standard is far better from here on in.