first new story in over a year.

[pointless]

READ ME!

seriously, i'd appreciate any feedback(public, private or otherwise) that you're willing to give. it's a lesbian story, but don't let that scare you off. i wrote it be female and male friendly. tell me if i suceeded.

link should work just fine now.

 

[pointless]

anybody? it's really, really good...

 

[GingerV]

Link's not precisely busted, but it doesn't go to a story. In fact it sends me someplace that covers my screen in pop up ads.

I'm sure it was an honest mistake, but it's still an annoying one .

G

 

[Rainbow Skin]

Working link with the first 'http' taken off: The Best Sort of Bad Day Ch. 1 . (How curious it does that when you have one too many.) Yes, very nice and delicious, definitely worth reading.

 

[pointless]

Link's not precisely busted, but it doesn't go to a story. In fact it sends me someplace that covers my screen in pop up ads.

I'm sure it was an honest mistake, but it's still an annoying one .

G

i swear it worked earlier.

Working link with the first 'http' taken off: The Best Sort of Bad Day Ch. 1 . (How curious it does that when you have one too many.) Yes, very nice and delicious, definitely worth reading.

thank you twice over. i think i'll go edit my original post now and fix the bugger.

did anyone have a problem with the use of the word fuck? i've had two mini-complaints about it so far. i'm just curious.

 

[vargas111]

I could not get past the senseless profanity.

 

[pointless]

I could not get past the senseless profanity.

senseless? did you read the story? the profanity fit the characters and their emotional states. have you ever been around working class people when they become angry? they tend to curse a bit. it happens. it's called natural. would you rather i had them quoting shakespeare while they fought?

 

[Rainbow Skin]

Repeated use of 'fuck' in dialogue doesn't instantly turn me off, because after all it might be accurate for the person depicted. I can't remember exactly why I kept reading on this one. Screaming is much more likely to have me clicking Back: like guns or helicopter explosions in films or TV, or like numbers or the words 'coed' or 'cheerleader' or names like Brandy or Brad in Literotica, I'm not the slightest bit interested in the sort of people who have screaming matches. But merely saying 'fuck' doesn't set off the same boringness alarm.

The interesting contrast appears a few paragraphs down. There's Emily, who doesn't know what any of this is like, and so I can identify with her. It suddenly becomes much more gentle and reasonable when she takes things in hand, and the previous violence is suddenly eased. Once you get into the part where Emily is it's very enjoyable.

 

[Guest]

It's a bit startling -

to enter a story in the middle of a shouting "Fuck you." scene.

But I think it does work here.

The sex scene was tender and erotic.

The prom flashback was handled fairly well, but there always seems to be a bit of confusion when using that sort of technique. It can be a bit awkward leaving the present and then returning to the action.

But do you know what bothered me? Your title.

The Best Sort of Bad Day Ch. 01

Chapter 1? As a reader I wonder - how many chapters are you planning, and why should I even read this first one knowing I will probably have to return at a later date to see what happens to these characters?

 

[pointless]

Re: It's a bit startling -

<snip>
But do you know what bothered me? Your title.

The Best Sort of Bad Day Ch. 01

Chapter 1? As a reader I wonder - how many chapters are you planning, and why should I even read this first one knowing I will probably have to return at a later date to see what happens to these characters?

that's understandable. i know it bothers me at times, but last time i tried to write a story i called the first installment part one instead of chapter in an attempt to say it's a stand alone that will have another part that can( in theory) be enjoyed all by its self, but the editors changed it.

if it helps you any i'm planning a three parter plus an extra story or two involving characters i created non-central to the storyline. when that will all be done is anyone's guess. i'm a busier bee than i planned on being this weekend.

 

[Guest]

I'm not slamming sequels -

don't get me wrong.

I have two stories that have Chapters 1 & 2 (and one of those has a developing Chapter 3).

But I didn't call the first installments Chapter One. (And one story has a slightly different name - I'm so Naughty, etc. to I'm Still Naughty, etc.)

Both stories easily stand alone. There wouldn't have been a need for another chapter.

As is with your story. I think it stands alone quite well. BUT you may lose a few readers because they don't want to invest the time. They may wonder if what they're about to read will manage to reach some sort of conclusion.

Does that make sense?

Personally, I'd change the title.

 

[pointless]

i get ya. i might change it. we'll see. if i get too busy i may have to just in case it takes me forever to finish the remaining story.

 

[Guest]

i get ya. i might change it. we'll see. if i get too busy i may have to just in case it takes me forever to finish the remaining story.